But it had become harder and harder to stay with people who had no thought to the people they hurt. I was grateful that they had taught me the things I needed to know about myself, but I was a little older now. I was stronger. I had my own path that I wanted to follow, a path that was leading me away from them.
“Heven?” I asked – her response to the keycard hadn’t been as positive as I would have liked.
She shook her head, a fine blush spreading over her cheeks.
I realized then that she thought I was asking her for something she wasn’t prepared to give.
Sex.
I grasped her hand. “I didn’t get it for that.”
If she threw herself at me right now, I definitely wouldn’t turn her down. I wanted to laugh but didn’t think that it would be appropriate. I looked into her blue eyes and realized she didn’t believe me. Crap, what girl would?
“I promise. I know you aren’t ready.” I cleared my throat, not really knowing what to say. “Neither am I.” Just because I wanted to do it didn’t mean we should do it.
My words seemed to have the opposite affect than what I was hoping. I thought she would be relieved to know that I didn’t plan on pressuring her for sex. Instead she seemed disappointed. Could she possibly think I wouldn’t want her? Man, girls were tough to figure out sometimes. “It isn’t what you think. I love you, and of course I want you.”
“Then, why?” she whispered.
“I just want you to get to know me a little better. I want you to be ready.” I want her to know all of me, which is exactly why I got this room.
“So will you come with me? To talk? I promise I won’t pressure you.” I tried to keep the hope and nerves out of my eyes while I waited for her answer.
Her soft acceptance sent joy through me, and I smiled.
I insisted on escorting her to the ladies room, still uneasy and not wanting to let her out of my sight for long. I thought she might protest, and she did, so I ended up next to the bathroom pretending to socialize.
I really wanted to be right next to her – for her to stay in sight. There was something inside me, telling me something wasn’t right. But I had no choice, so I stood as close to the ladies’ room as I could, waiting for her to come out. A couple guys that I knew, mainly due to my relationship with Heven, called out to me, and I hesitated to walk over and say ‘Hi’. It was only a few steps, but I wasn’t sure I should even go that far. Then Kimber walked by smiling and went into the bathroom. I figured that at least Heven wouldn’t be alone so I went to see what the guys were laughing about.
Seconds later Kimber came out of the bathroom with a worried look in her face. The door was just closing behind her, and I caught a glimpse of black. She began to motion to me, but I was already moving, bursting into the ladies room.
She was there. How had I missed her? I looked up and saw the open window and realized that she must have been hiding in here all night. I didn’t smell her because the heavy door blocked her scent, and we hadn’t been over here at all except for now.
Damn, I was stupid. And I may have just cost Heven her life.
Heven was frightened, her eyes were wide with fear and her skin had gone white. I lunged at the pair, snatching Heven away and putting myself in between her and this bitch. I was beyond angry. Angry at myself for missing her hiding in here and angry at her for being such a devious creature.
“When I tell you to – run!” I yelled at Heven, unsure how ugly things were about to get. I didn’t want her in here; I didn’t want her to see what I was capable of.
I couldn’t hold in my anger, though, and I threw out my fist punching the bitch right in the face. I didn’t care that she was a womanI’d kill her right then if I could.
She fell backwards but caught herself against the wall and stood. “Ask him about his secrets!” She yelled to Heven. I caught the evil glint in her eyes “Make him tell you what he really is!”
Then she escaped out the tiny open window. I realized then that she hadn’t come here to kill Heven. She had come here to tell her my secrets to drive a wedge between Heven and her protector. Now I was going to have to tell her. I couldn’t lie anymore. I wondered if this would be my last memory of actually being with Heven.
I rushed to her side, worried that she might be hurt. “What did she do to you? Are you hurt?”
“She didn’t hurt me.” A wary look crossed her eyes, and she looked at me like I was a stranger.
You know me. Deep down, you know who I really am. Please accept me, don’t push me away.
Kimber picked this moment to rush back in the bathroom. “Are you okay? What happened?”
To my surprise Heven pulled it together. She knew that there was something going on here, she knew that I had been lying. Yet, she lied for me. Maybe there was hope after all.
“Sorry about that. She was just getting a little too pushy. I think she might have been drunk.”
“Some people have no class.” Kimber said, oblivious to the undercurrents circling the room. “And who told her that outfit looked good?”
I tuned out the rest of their conversation; my head was spinning. What was I going to say? How much would I tell her? What would her reaction be to who I really was? I’ve never once told anyone what I am – I’ve never had to. I was alone until I met the others. I didn’t have to tell them anything, because they already knew. How did you tell someone that you were a monster? That you weighed bodies down in the lake and had roommates who hid severed body parts out of the prying eyes of normal people? How did you tell someone that you’ve been stalking them, that you lurk in the shadows, and that if it wasn’t for you, their face would be whole, and no one would be trying to kill you?
My chest felt tight because I couldn’t do it…but I had to. I was going to mess this up, and she was going to hate me.
I looked up just as Kimber was leaving the bathroom; Heven and I were left alone. “We have to go.” I told her, grabbing her arm and leading her from the bathroom. I was almost positive that she wouldn’t be coming back tonight. She got what she came for. She blew my whole world apart, and now I had to pick up the pieces. But still, I wasn’t about to hang around and be caught by surprise again. We got a few stares when people saw us coming out of the girl’s bathroom, but I didn’t care. These people were the least of my worries.
“Sam?” Heven’s voice was quiet and laced with uncertainty and fear. She was already pulling away.