Longing. I felt longing. I wanted him to touch me and I wanted him to kiss me. My heart still thundered from what almost happened. He was a human. It was wrong.
It was forbidden.
All these months I told myself I hadn’t been doing anything wrong. I told myself I only liked him because he was different from anything I’d ever known before.
I’d been lying to myself.
I might have been curious about Callum in the beginning, but now… now it was something else. Something more.
It felt a lot like love.
* * *
I stayed away for a month and, for the only time in my life, I felt sick. How could I have allowed this to happen? When had my feelings for Callum grown and why hadn’t I stopped it?
Yet, even through all my disgust with myself, deep down there was still part of me that sometimes whispered, What’s so wrong with loving him? He was a good man, a decent man. And more importantly, loving him didn’t take away any of the love I felt for my Father. If anything, I appreciated his creation even more. He was the one who created Callum, a man so incredible that even I, an angel who thought she was incapable of loving anyone but God himself, had come to develop feelings for him.
I spent the entire month wrestling with myself, with that small voice inside of me that refused to quiet.
But nothing could change the fact that an angel and a human together was forbidden.
It was wrong to continue seeing Callum when nothing could come of our relationship. The very next day I received a new assignment which I completed and then took myself to Maine. I didn’t expect to see him waiting, I figured after all this time he would have given up.
He was there.
When he saw me he did a double take and when I didn’t disappear, he jumped to his feet and ran through the water, splashing everything around him and drenching his clothes. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”
“Yet here you sit.”
He smiled, the chip in his tooth charming me. “I don’t give up that easily.”
He reached for my hand, but I stepped away. “I only came to tell you I would not be back. I didn’t want you to wonder…”
“What do you mean you won’t be back?” he asked, his eyes narrowing.
“This…” I pointed at the air between us. “I never should’ve allowed our friendship. Angels are not supposed to interact with humans the way you and I have.”
“So all I am to you is a friend?” he asked, a hint of anger in his voice.
I didn’t know what to say to that. It seemed whatever I said wouldn’t be what he wanted to hear. “I have to go.”
My wings moved, lifting me up to carry me away, when he caught my ankle and pulled me back down as if I were a balloon trying to catch a breeze and float away.
I stared at him as my ankle became my calf and then my calf became my thigh as he pulled me down farther until he released my leg altogether so he could capture my waist within his grasp and pull me within mere centimeters. In fact, I was certain if I took a deep breath, the expansion of my chest would fill the little space left between us.
“You never asked me how I feel,” he said, his voice low.
“That’s because it doesn’t matter.” I wasn’t trying to be cruel. I was trying to tell the truth.
“So, knowing the reason I come here every single day, the reason I wait and wait for just a glimpse of you, doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter; it just doesn’t change anything.”
“That’s funny because loving you changed my whole life.”
No one had ever told me they loved me before, except for my Father, my creator. God loved everyone. His capacity for love was unmatched. Humans were a kind capable of love, but not with the same volume as God. So when Callum said he loved me, I knew I was probably one of very few that had made it into his heart. It made me feel special. It made me want to stay.
Yet, still, I could not.
“Callum,” I began, and his fingers bit into the fabric at my waist as he tilted his head lower to hear whatever I was about to say.
But I never got the chance to say it.
We were ambushed, front and back, by two angels with great wings. They were both wearing only black pants and their hair was blond and messy. But none of that would’ve been alarming.
What was alarming was the color of their wings.
Black as night, dirty as coal.
They were fallen.
Up until this moment I had no idea fallen angels walked the earth, and I gasped.
The one behind Callum, the one I could see, smiled, though it was more like a snarl. “Well, what do we have here? An angel and a human?”
Callum thrust me behind him, turning so he could see them both.
“How are you here?” I asked them. “I thought the fallen were banished to hell.”
The one on my left laughed. “We’re on a field trip.”
“What do you want?”
“Fun, power, revenge,” sang the one to my right. “Take your pick.”
“You won’t find any of that here,” Callum spat.
“On the contrary, I think we just found all three.”
“Get out of here,” Callum said, not looking at me. “Run!”
I shot up into the air above everyone’s head as Callum lunged at one of the fallen. He tried to punch him, but the dark angel only blocked the hit and delivered a well-placed blow of his own. Callum fell back onto the ground.
“No!” I cried, grabbing a nearby rock off the side of the hill and throwing it at the angel who punched him.
He caught it and crushed it in his hand.
“Go,” Callum yelled at me, back on his feet and lunging for the dark angel again.
The other one had been watching until this point, but he flew up into the air toward me. I spun around, dashing to get away, but he caught hold of my wing and twisted, causing me to call out in pain. I heard Callum yell and then the sickening sound of pounding flesh.
I was yanked cruelly back onto the ground where I saw several white feathers coming to rest. My feathers. They’d been ripped from my wings. I wanted to weep at the damage.
With a cry, I threw myself at the one who’d wrenched me from the sky, hoping to inflict some pain, but it was useless. He was twice my size and he had cruelty on his side. He grabbed me, spun my body around so he was holding me like a shield, and forced me to watch as his friend hit Callum time and time again.
Despair unlike anything I’ve ever known filled me until I was almost blind. This was my fault. All my fault. I didn’t follow the laws and for that Callum would pay.