“Maybe talking about it with Heven would help.” I suggested.
He made a soft sound like a snort. “We do talk about it. Every day. We visit Logan every day. Talking about it doesn’t seem to help.”
“I meant, talk about the shifting.” It sounded to me like all this talk about Logan was like a black cloud hanging over them both. Remembering the dead is a good thing, but not when it holds back the living from actually living.
“Yeah, maybe you’re right.” He agreed, but he didn’t sound convinced.
“I’ve been to heaven, you know,” I told him gently. Allowing the bright memory of my former home to wash over me. I felt my lips curve into a smile.
“Before you fell?” Sam said, his voice losing the confusion and gaining some interest.
“Yes, before I fell. Heaven was my home. I was created there.”
“Does that mean you don’t have parents?”
“God is my Father.”
“And your mother?”
“You don’t need a mother when you’re created directly by God.”
He was silent a moment. “How old are you anyway?”
I laughed. “Don’t you know it’s impolite to ask a lady her age?”
He grinned. “You’re a lot of things, but you are no lady.”
“Says the man standing here naked.” I grinned.
His eyes widened like he just realized he might be feeling a draft. To his credit, he didn’t jump to hide himself.
“Well, this is awkward,” he said.
I laughed again. “Relax, I’m not looking. Besides, in heaven a lot of the angels wore no clothes.”
“Really?” he asked. I nodded. “Well, I ain’t no angel.”
“And I’m not telling you my age.”
He snorted. “You’re probably so old you lost count.”
He was right, but I wasn’t about to admit it.
“You know, I brought up heaven for a reason,” I said, changing the subject. He didn’t say anything so I continued. “I’ve been there, Sam. Your brother is at peace. He’s happy. I promise you that.”
He stared off to the side with a slight tick in his jaw as the breath in his chest hitched.
“I couldn’t even describe it to you if I tried. It’s bright, it’s warm, and everyone is blissfully happy. There isn’t a single shred of discontentment. He’s probably looking down on you right now, wanting nothing but for you to move on.”
“I won’t forget him,” he said, his voice hard.
“I don’t think you should forget him. You couldn’t if you tried. But I think you should move on. Let him live on through you and let him see that you’re happy.”
He nodded but said nothing more. I decided that I’d said enough and hoped he’d actually heard some of it.
“I should probably get back,” he finally said. “I don’t like leaving them alone like this. Especially at night.”
I nodded. The responsibility that he carried on his shoulders was amazing to me. “You know Heven can take care of herself.” I pointed out.
He smiled. “I know, but I want to be there.”
I lifted my hand in a wave, but before he turned away, he frowned. “What are you doing out here in the middle of the night?”
“I spend a lot of my nights here.”
I could almost see the dots connecting in his brain when he looked up. “You don’t have anywhere to live,” he said, flat.
“I choose not to live anywhere, but everywhere.”
He rolled his eyes. “You sound like Airis,”
“Hey…” I growled partly offended.
“Do you need money, Gemma?” he asked pointblank, a quality in him I actually admired. “I didn’t even think to ask you how you lived. I can help you.”
I held up my hand, stopping his words. There was a lump forming in my throat and the backs of my eyes felt damp. Here was a man who worked two jobs, went to school, took care of everyone around him, and was grieving so deeply that it brought him into the woods in the middle of the night. You would think that a man like this would have nothing left to give… yet he was offering more. I suddenly knew why I couldn’t leave here. It wasn’t just Cole that tied me here, but all of them. Without my realizing, they’d become my family.
“Money isn’t an issue,” I told him. “Being older than dirt has its benefits.”
His shoulders relaxed. “Then why don’t you have a place to live?”
“I’ve never been in one place this long.”
He nodded like he understood. “My place is sitting there empty. I’m still paying rent because of the lease. It isn’t much, but it’s warmer than the woods.”
“You’re offering your home to me?”
He shrugged. “My home is with Heven.”
I nodded slowly. He was right. It was better than the woods. “Okay, thanks. I’ll take over the rent.”
He shook his head adamantly. “No. My lease. My rent. You’ve done more than enough for us. This is my way of thanking you.”
I dipped my head. Rejecting his offer would be insulting. “Thank you.”
“There’s a key taped to the roof of the building. Something tells me it won’t be a problem for you to get it.”
I laughed. “I think I can manage.”
“Thanks, Gemma. What you said before, about heaven… It helps.”
I nodded.
“And, um, I’m sorry about the view.” He grinned and then he was shifting, shedding his skin for a coat of black fur, and shooting off into the trees, the darkness all but eating him up.
I stood there for a while, just listening to nothing and replaying our conversation in my mind. Something in my pocket vibrated. I pulled out my phone for the second time and looked at the screen. New voicemail.
It was from Cole, from earlier, but it was just now coming through. I hit the buttons and brought the phone to my ear. The sound of his voice made my heart beat a little faster.
“We need to talk, Gems. Call me.” It was all he said before cutting the connection.
My finger hovered over the delete button, knowing I should just erase the message and pretend I never got it.
I couldn’t do that.
I couldn’t call him back, either. Talking wouldn’t change things. Talking only made things harder.
I shoved the phone back into my pocket, all the while telling myself it was for the best.