Finally, he pulled back but kept his forehead against mine and he smiled, then came back to kiss me again. After a few moments he pulled my head back and looked at me. “You’ve got to be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
“I’ve seen better,” I told him, staring back.
He grinned and pressed another swift kiss to my lips. “I will never get tired of kissing you.”
Something inside me went cold. He felt the change in me and in the air around us because his eyes narrowed.
“Did you hear nothing I just said to you?” I asked.
“I heard everything. It’s nothing.” The muscle in his jaw clenched.
“Your eternity is not nothing.”
“You don’t even know if I’ll be punished.”
“Would you take that chance if our roles were reversed?” I asked.
He growled. I knew he wouldn’t.
“Then you can’t ask me to do that to you.”
“I’m not asking you.” His fingers on either side of my head tightened.
I reached up and covered his hands with mine. “Do you have any idea what it would do to me if we spent a few years together here on Earth and then you died and were stripped of everything?”
“A lifetime,” he said.
“A lifetime?”
“Not just a few years, Gemma. I’m going to be with you for a lifetime.”
I wanted to weep. To curl up in a ball and let sorrow overtake me. “You don’t understand,” I said, lowering our hands until they were clasped between us. “A lifetime seems like a long time to you, but it isn’t. It’s the blink of an eye. Eternity… that’s a long time. You have no idea how long it really is.”
“I don’t care.”
“I know,” I whispered, untangling one of my hands and running it through his dark hair. I committed the feel, the texture, and the sensation of being with him like this so I could carry the memory after he was gone.
“Tell me,” he rasped, looking up into my eyes. When I said nothing, he shook me. “Tell me,”
I wanted to. The words were right there and I was sure he could feel them between us. I shook my head.
He caught my chin in his hand. “Not saying it doesn’t make it untrue.”
He was right. I, more than anyone, knew the power of God, and I knew he could see right into my heart and know the truth with absolute clarity.
“I love you,” I whispered. The words actually hurt to say, but I figured giving him this was the least I could do because I still couldn’t give him what he really wanted.
He pulled me to him once more, but this time his kiss was less ferocious and demanding, more tender and soft. It was if he thought I was a piece of glass that might shatter beneath his touch so he handled me with the utmost care.
Tears pricked the backs of my eyes and I tried to keep them away so he wouldn’t see. He pulled back, cupping the side of my jaw with his hand. “Why the tears?” he rasped.
“I won’t do it to you, Cole. I can’t.”
He frowned. “But it’s already done. You can’t take back those words. I won’t let you.”
“I’m not going to take them back. I meant them.” I smiled briefly, touching the side of his face. “But I still won’t be with you.”
His entire body stiffened. “You won’t be with me.”
“Maybe by resisting me, by resisting us, your eternity will be saved.”
“I don’t give a damn about my eternity!” he shouted.
“Someday you will.”
He gripped my arms and moved like he was going to stand, like he was going to shove me away, but then he stopped. The next thing I knew I was being pulled closer, his hand was pushing my cheek into his chest, and his arms were locking around me.
I didn’t try to get away. I relaxed into him and let him hold me, knowing it would be the last time. We didn’t bother talking. It would’ve only been an argument. We sat there in silence and I listened to the steady rhythm of his heart as he pulled his fingers through my hair.
We probably sat there for an hour or more. The sun had long gone down and the room had turned dark. Finally, his voice cut through the quiet. “You expect me to walk away from you.”
“Yes.”
“I won’t.”
“Then I’ll leave.”
Something rumbled through his chest against my cheek. “You would do that to my sister? To Sam?”
“I don’t want to. I saw Sam last night. I think they need us.”
“Yeah. Yeah, me too,” he said, pulling his fingers through my hair once more. I didn’t mean to, but I snuggled closer.
He sighed a heavy sigh. “Stay. Help my sister find her mom, set the trapped souls free, and keep an eye on Riley.”
“And?”
“And I won’t push you. I won’t show up here and force you to tell me how you feel. I won’t kiss you every time I see you.” He paused. “Even though I’ll want to.”
It was exactly what must happen, but it was awful. I nodded against him.
We lapsed into silence once more, neither of us moving, neither of us speaking. His phone rang, but he ignored it. Then it beeped and he ignored that too. My heart felt heavy because I knew our time tonight was over. I knew that once he stepped out that door, the feelings between us would no longer matter.
The third time his phone was ignored I began to lift myself up and away from him. His hand tightened on my hip for the briefest of moments and then he released me. We both climbed to our feet and he went silently to get his coat and pull it on. He didn’t glance at his phone, but I knew all those calls had been from Kimber. I knew when he left me he would likely be going to her.
I could say nothing about it. My hands were tied, but my heart was his.
He looked at me for long moments before plunging his hands deep in his pockets and turning toward the door. I followed him as far as the back of the couch, where I stopped and didn’t move. If I went any closer I might change my mind. I might ask him to stay.
He pulled the door open and cold air swirled into the room, completely breaking whatever spell was left from our time.
Or so I thought.
Because then he turned, leaving the door open, leaving the cold to creep inside, and he came to me. I thought he might touch me, but he didn’t, tucking his hands at his sides instead. I tipped my chin back so I could look into his eyes, which were serious and sober.
“I said I would stay away from you. I said I wouldn’t push. I meant it.”