“It was fine.”
“Fine? A boy takes you on a romantic outing and it’s fine? Plus this isn’t just any boy. This is Glen.”
“What does that mean? Why would Glen be any different?”
“Have a seat.” Dad sat down on the couch and gestured to the spot next to him.
“Do I have to?”
“Yes.”
I reached into my pocket for my phone. Of course it came up empty. I glanced around. “Where’s Dalton?”
“Sit, Savy.”
“But he has my phone, and I promised Glen I’d text him when I got in.”
“Where did he drop you off?” Dad asked suspiciously.
“Right outside.”
He smiled. “Ah, I see. Your phone is on your bed. Everyone else went out for ice cream.”
“Ice cream? In this weather?”
“Not everyone gets as cold as you,” Dad teased. “Go get your phone and come right back.”
As Dad had told me to expect, my phone was lying on my bed. I had a missed text from Glen. Missed you.
I’m home, and I missed you too.
Not as much as me.
I pocketed my phone and walked back out. Leaving my dad waiting usually wasn’t a good thing.
“Let’s try this again. How was the sleigh ride?”
“I already told you it was fine.” I took a seat before he could tell me to again.
“Ok, let’s try this. How was it spending time with Glen?”
“You act like I’ve never spent time alone with him before.” I pulled my knees up to my chest.
“Why did you leave so suddenly last year?”
“I told you. I wanted time at home.”
“By yourself? I know your mom wasn’t actually there.”
“I had friends to see.”
“You usually enjoy seeing family and friends here. Particularly Glen.”
I sighed. “Get to the point, Dad.”
“I assumed it was about your mom’s engagement. It took you by surprise, and Mac didn’t handle it well.”
“He cut me out of it. Like he’s cut me out of Mom’s life whenever he could since they met.”
“You know I don’t love the guy, but I don’t actually think he means to. I get the sense he doesn’t think things through.”
“Whatever. I really don’t feel like talking about it.”
“Then let’s talk about Glen. I’m starting to wonder if he had something to do with you leaving.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s no question you like the boy. You’ve been interested in him for years.”
“Yeah, so?” It looked like I hadn’t hidden my crush particularly well.
“So? So why did you leave? Why not spend time with him?”
“Because he didn’t want me. I misread some signs and ended up embarrassed.” I looked out the window. It was too dark to see anything but the reflection of the fire. “You happy?”
“A boy who isn’t interested in you just hired a private sleigh ride?” His voice dripped with skepticism.
I turned back. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s trying to make up for things. I couldn’t tell you.”
“You didn’t know, yet you went on the ride with him?”
“What was I supposed to do?”
“Where does all this fear come from?”
“Fear?”
“Of inadequacy. Of being rejected and getting hurt? Of letting your walls down?”
“I don’t feel that way.”
“Yes you do, and I’m starting to think it’s my fault. Mine and your mother’s.”
“Just drop it, Dad. Stop reading into things.”
“How am I supposed to do that? You’re losing weight, you’ve barely talked to me in a year, and I saw those pictures on your phone.”
“Excuse me?” I scooted away from him.
“I saw the pictures of you and that guy that was easily twenty-five years old. Why would you be spending time with someone that much older than you?”
“I’m not sleeping with him.”
“I should hope not.”
“I don’t like dating guys my age. There’s too much drama that goes with it.”
“Drama meaning that they are actually in the same world as you?”
“Just leave it alone.”
“No. I can’t leave this alone. I can’t leave it alone unless I know you’re okay.”
“I’m fine. I’m completely fine.”
“Like the sleigh ride was fine? I hate that word.”
“I thought you taught me never use the word hate?”
He raised an eyebrow. “That doesn’t mean I can’t. I want you to be happy. I want you to be willing to take risks if that’s what it takes to be happy.”
I’m not sure what happened, but it’s like the flood gates opened. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. The tears started.
Dad appeared startled at first before he gently pulled me into his arms. “You care about him a lot.”
I nodded, taking a few moments to compose myself before trying to talk through the tears. “So much. I knew I did before, and then after we kissed…” Had I just told my dad that?
“I realize you’re old enough to be kissing boys, and I’m going to pretend that’s all you’re doing. But are you saying you felt even more after?”
“Yes. But he didn’t want me. He said he didn’t think he deserved me, but I know that isn’t true.”
“Wait, I thought you didn’t ask him how he felt?”
I groaned. “Dad, you know what I mean.”
“I don’t, but I’ll pretend. Let’s jump forward. How did you feel tonight? How did it feel to spend time with him again?”
“Better than I’ve felt in ages. I feel like me around him. Like I can be myself.”
“When are you going to see him again?”
“How do you know I’m going to see him?”
“Because of the look on your face when you walked in the door. And after you texted him.”
“Is that a mistake?”
“I told you sometimes you have to take risks. This is one of those times. It’s great to play things safe, but if you don’t mix it up a little, you can’t move forward. That make sense?”
“Kind of.” I shrugged. “I’m going to call Jade.”
“That’s a friend from school?”