I blinked. I must have nearly fallen asleep. “Hey, sorry.”
“Don’t say sorry, but the movie is over.”
“Oh. Wow. I didn’t really sleep well last night.”
“Any particular reason?” He adjusted his arm around me.
“Too much to think about.”
“I know that feeling. I know I’ll sleep better tonight if you were serious about staying.”
“I am. I’m going to text my dad so he doesn’t worry.”
“He’s not going to freak is he?”
“I’ll be honest.”
“Honest?”
I pulled out my phone. Staying at Glen’s but not in any sort of bad way. In other words a healthy risk ;)
“Did you just wink at your dad?”
“Trust me, he’ll get it.”
“Sure he will… You say that until he shows up here with a baseball bat.”
I laughed. “My dad? I’d worry more about my grandpa.”
“But your grandpa loves me.”
“But would he love you sleeping in the same bed with me?”
“Probably not… but what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him.”
Healthy risk? You’re learning. Call me at any point if you want a ride home.
Thanks. See you in the morning.
Night hun.
“Ok, that was weird.”
“We had a chat today. It’s all good.”
He laughed. “It’s all good?”
“Yup.”
“Ready to move to my room?” There was something nervous about the way he said it.
“I’m ready.”
He stood up and took my hand. We walked down the small hallway to his room. “The bathroom is through that door over there.”
“Thanks. I wouldn’t want to accidently walk into Winston’s room instead tonight.”
“He’s staying elsewhere.”
“Oh. I see.” She looked away.
“Don’t read into it. I wasn’t expecting anything. I wanted us to have time to talk.”
“And we did. And we had time to cuddle on the couch.”
“And we’ll have time to sleep together without sleeping together.” He walked into his cramped room. “Hope it’s ok. I promise I changed the sheets.”
“I believe you.” I sat down on the edge of his bed.
“Want something of mine to sleep in?”
“Could I borrow a t-shirt?”
“Yeah, of course.” He pulled a worn in t-shirt out of his drawer. A quick glance inside the drawer told me exactly what I’d expected. He was still as messy as always, but he’d made an effort to clean up for me. I decided not to let on and gladly accepted the t-shirt.
“Will you be warm enough in that?”
“Isn’t it going to be your job to keep me warm?” I smiled, before heading off to the corner of his room. Teasing him came so naturally.
“Do you want me to leave while you change?” he asked.
“No.” I replied without turning around. I pulled off my sweater and cami and slipped into his shirt. I pulled my arms out of the sleeves long enough to take off my bra. Finally I slipped out of my jeans. I folded my clothes up and placed them on the top of his dresser. “Ok, now I’m cold.”
He was standing next to his bed in nothing but a pair of boxers. One look at him had my whole body warming. “You okay?” He pulled back the sheets and comforter.
“Fine.” I slipped into his bed. I shivered as my bare legs made contact with his cold sheets.
He pulled me into his arms, wrapping his legs and arms around me.
“How are you so much warmer than me?”
“We’ve been over this. You weren’t bred for the cold.”
“Maybe that makes us a better fit. You run warm and I run cold.”
“What you’re saying is you’re going to cool me down in the summer?”
“If I ever get to lie in bed with you in the summer we’ll find out.”
“Promise me it will happen.” He left tiny kisses on my shoulder. “Promise me this is something that’s going to happen again.”
“That’s the kind of promise that takes two people.” I kissed his neck. I’d always wanted to kiss him there and now it was literally staring me in the face.
“I’m ready to make the promise.”
“You’re different.”
“Good different? Or bad?”
“Good. I mean you’re still you, but something’s different.”
“I could say the same thing about you.” He loosened his legs around me.
“Don’t move your legs.”
“You’re still cold?”
“No.” I was perfectly warm. “I just like the way they feel.”
“I like the way every part of you feels.” He’d left the light on next to the bed, which meant I could still see his eyes. They were wide and so full of emotion. “I’m so crazy about you that it scares me. I have so many memories, thoughts, and feelings that constantly fill my mind. I don’t even know how I made it an entire year without talking to you.”
“Why do you think I never slept with anyone? No one else was you. I still count my first time as a mistake, and I want to make sure my second time isn’t.”
“I need you to know something.” He moved so he was hovering over me. He held his weight with his arms.
“What?” I tried to ignore the growing ache to reach out and touch him.
“If anything like that happens with us it’s not going to be a mistake. I wouldn’t have you here if I wasn’t committed to making this work. I’m not going to use you, or leave you. It’s going to be the real deal. It would be impossible for us to keep anything just physical or just temporary. Those feelings between us are too real and intense. Once we go down that road, we’re not turning back. We’ve already suffered for a year, and I’m not letting that happen again.”
I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down on top of me. The weight of him felt so good, so reassuring. “I might regret saying this, and it might ruin everything, but I’m tired of holding back. I’m tired of lying to myself and everyone else. I love you. I’ve been in love with you for longer than I want to admit, and any chance I had of pretending those feelings aren’t real are gone now. Part of what hurt so bad last year is that I realized what your rejection meant. I realized that I was never going to have a chance to push those feelings where they begged to go.” I forced myself to watch, to see what effect my words would have.