“I don’t know what to think of this, but if it’s that important to you, I’ll stay.”
My entire body flooded with relief. I looked up, hoping the light would be gone, that—decision made—it would evaporate. It didn’t.
“You don’t …” I didn’t want to say it, but felt like I had to. “You don’t want to go to LA, do you?”
Lucas looked confused for a minute, then almost smiled, but his grin quickly disappeared. “No, Cass. I want to stay here, with you.”
I nodded. That was good enough for now.
We dressed and sat on the sofa, trying to read, the space between us huge. I kept looking at him, nervous every time he moved to go to the bathroom or get a drink or turn down the music. Every action seemed fraught with danger.
Ten o’clock passed, then eleven, twelve. I made lunch. Soup. Nothing with lumps or bones. Afterward, Lucas stretched and bent, eyeing the door.
“How long do we have to keep this up, Cassandra? How ’bout I run to the store for some provisions?”
I shook my head and reluctantly he returned to the sofa.
Around three thirty, Lucas went to the bathroom. I counted the minutes he was in there, another wave of relief when I heard the knob turn.
I stared at him, blinking twice, sure I was wrong. “What did you do in there?” I demanded.
He looked startled. “I answered the call of nature, Cassandra. You want details?”
“Maybe.”
“Listen,” he said, rubbing his brow. “I’m trying to be a good sport, but I’ve about had it. This is …”
“Lucas,” I said, afraid to even speak the words, afraid to believe. “It’s gone.”
“Huh?”
“The light, the mark. It’s gone. It was there when you went into the bathroom. Now it’s not. What did you do in there?”
“Nothing, Cassandra. I went in. I peed. I came out. That’s it.”
“Nothing else?” I demanded, though I couldn’t imagine what else there might be. Had he rescued himself from a burst bladder? Taken a life-saving dose of pills? Ridiculous.
“Nothing else,” he assured me.
We stayed in the rest of the day, cautiously treading around each other. I held my breath, watching Lucas constantly for any sign of its reappearance. It felt like the weight had been lifted but hovered just above my shoulders, ready to slam back down if I exhaled. We went to bed early that night, me, exhausted by the vigil, and Lucas, sadly, tired of me. I felt the absence of his arm around me, his weight firmly situated on the other side of the mattress. But I had saved him, I thought, in awe of my own ability. The rest could be repaired.
Chapter 20
The mark stayed gone, though the few minutes of sleep I got that night were run through with nightmarish visions of it, screeching car brakes, and Lucas’s wary looks. On top of that, I had Drea to worry about.
“Don’t you think you’ve been out a lot?” she’d said on my voice mail. “Where’s your friend’s apartment? I can pick you up.” I didn’t call back. Of all times to play parent, she chooses now? I don’t think so.
As the dark slowly crept to day—black to navy to cornflower blue—I lay on Lucas’s bed, careful not to wake him. Near seven his eyes fluttered, opening to find me staring at him. He didn’t say anything.
“Good morning,” I whispered.
“Good morning.”
“It’s still gone,” I assured him.
He just stared at me, and I knew the wary looks were here to stay.
“You don’t believe me.”
Lucas rolled to his back and ran a hand through his hair, exhaling. “Cassie.” His voice was that of an adult reasoning with a child. “C’mon. How could I?”
“It’s the truth, Lucas.”
He nodded, still not looking at me. “I believe that you believe it.”
“You think I’m crazy.” He shut his eyes. “Do I seem like the crazy type?”
No answer.
“Say something, Lucas.” There was a little panic in my voice. I couldn’t keep it out, though it was the last way I wanted to have this conversation. He needed to believe, because the alternative … well, I couldn’t handle the alternative.
“What do you want me to say, Cassie?”
“I’ll prove it to you.”
He propped himself on one arm, facing me skeptically. “How?”
“The same way I proved it to myself. We’ll find someone with the mark and follow them.”
“Cassie, that’s … We don’t have to do that.”
“Yes. We do. Listen, Lucas, I know how it sounds, but I’m not crazy. Even if you don’t believe, humor me. One more time.”
“Let me get this straight.” He sat up, keeping a careful distance. “You want to wander the streets until you see someone with this … this light around them and then we’ll follow them until they die.”
I pictured Mr. McKenzie and my stomach did a slow roll. I’d never wanted to see something like that again, couldn’t imagine why I’d have to. I clenched my teeth and nodded. “That’s right.”
He thought about it and shrugged. “Okay, Cassandra. Let’s go.”
I shook my head. “Not in Bering. It could be weeks before I see another here. We need to go somewhere bigger, with more people.”
“So you want to skip class and go to the city—to Wichita—today?”
I thought about how it had looked when I’d flown in: a bunch of office buildings, even a skyscraper or two around a big domed building, like a flying saucer. I nodded. “That should do it.”
Lucas had called Professor McMillan, claiming a persistent stomach bug. “I’m sure I’ll be back on my feet tomorrow,” he’d told him, frowning at me as he spoke. We were mostly silent on the two-hour drive. The empty cornfields rushing by should have been hypnotic, but my brain was on overdrive. I was convinced Lucas had been meant to have an accident, something outside the safety of the apartment. But, if so, why hadn’t the mark left when he said he’d stay? Had he not really meant it? Or had some other more definite milestone passed, like the actual moment of his fated death? Was there something else Lucas decided to do or not do, maybe not even realizing it? It made me wonder about the hundreds of decisions that make up a day. How did my choice of muffin or hairstyle change my day and all the days after? What would be the result of our taking this trip to Wichita rather than going to work and school as we were supposed to?