So I only nodded, offering him some ice. He opened his mouth and let me put it between his lips, just like Eli. I half shook my head against the comparison. Max is not Eli. He’ll be fine.
“Go ahead,” I said.
“I come from a long line of violent assholes, told you that from the start. But my first instinct wasn’t to hit him. It was to save you.”
It hurt to breathe. “It would’ve been better if you’d let him—”
“Couldn’t. Seems like I’m the only one who’s allowed to hurt you.” His eyelashes fluttered, telling me he didn’t have a lot more focus left in him.
Before I could answer, he winked out. Shaken, I tiptoed out of the room to find Angus. I had no idea where we stood, but I wouldn’t be leaving. Angus pushed out of his chair, green eyes shadowed by deep circles. He rubbed tired eyes and came toward me.
“How’s he doing?”
“He’s out again. We only talked a little before the pain meds kicked in. You can probably look in on Max if you want. The nurses don’t seem to mind.”
He nodded. “They’re more rigid at the bigger hospitals. And sure, I’d like to see him.”
Max didn’t stir when we came back in. Angus stood for a few seconds at the foot of the bed, then he beckoned me out of the room. “Is there any point in offering to stay?”
I shook my head. “I’m not leaving until he gets out. I can spare the time more than you, too. In the morning, I’ll notify his professors, call his boss and get in touch with his family.”
Angus raised a brow. “Wish all my exes were as devoted.”
“You know I was against that in the first place.”
“So instead of fridge magnet messages, you’re going to smother him with your infinite, nurturing love?”
“Shut up.” I gave him a gentle shove. “Go home and leave me alone.”
Before he did, Angus hugged me for a really long time. “I’m glad you’re both okay. Please take care of him, he’s one of my best friends.”
“Mine, too,” I whispered.
The hospital was quiet when I slipped back into Max’s room. He hadn’t stirred and I collapsed into the chair next to the bed, physically exhausted but also emotionally wrecked. I swallowed hard and tried not to cry. With every fiber of my being, I rejected the girl who sat in the glow of medical equipment and wept beside a boy. For strength I took his hand and bent my head over it, touching my brow to the back.
I must’ve fallen asleep because I woke with a sore spine when the nurse came in to perform her morning ritual and note all the information on his chart. Max was awake and staring at me when I sat up. Most likely I looked like buttered death, but it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen me this way before.
“Are you hurting a lot?” I asked.
He shrugged. To preserve his dignity, I went to get some food from the vending machine, as it was too early for the cafeteria to be open. Drinking a Coke and eating some crackers kept me out long enough for the nurse to do her job.
“You’re still here,” Max said when I stepped in.
“It’s the least I can do to stay with you.”
“If you’re only here because you feel like you owe me, then take off. I’ll be fine.”
“That’s not why.”
He looked away as I took up my place at his side again. “I feel like I said some crazy shit last night, but—”
“You don’t remember?”
“Not completely. Why did you stay, Courtney?”
This was a half-truth. “You asked me not to go.”
“And that’s the reason?”
“I’m sure you know I love you,” I said. “So where else would I be?”
But when I glanced over at Max, he was kind of...frozen, dark eyes locked on mine. “You say that like it’s nothing. But nobody ever said that to me before. Not even you.”
“I know, and I’m sorry.” I took a shaky breath, staring at him as much as I could, trying to create a mental picture, though this wasn’t how I wanted to remember him. “Once you’re recovered, we have to go back to making a clean break.” Otherwise this might kill me.
“Why?” he asked.
“Because you don’t want me around. I ruined what we had, and I hate myself for it. But what more can I do?” It was really hard to talk for the tightness in my throat. His ice chips had long since melted into lukewarm water at the bottom of the cup, so there was no remedy for it.
The silence lasted long enough for me to die in my head a hundred times.
“What if I want a do-over?”
“Huh?”
“I want to turn back the clock, make it so that trip to your parents’ place never happened. I never got blindsided, never broke up with you.”
“But...it happened. We can’t pretend it didn’t.”
“Then can we pretend I accepted your apology?”
“No pretending. But...you can do that now if you want. If you’re sure.”
“Being with you is the only thing in the world that makes sense,” Max whispered. “I said it didn’t...because I was scared. Finding out where you come from, damn. That was a rude awakening. I don’t know a coffee spoon from a dessert spoon. I won’t ever impress the kind of people your parents respect. But...I’m dying without you. You took all the music when you left, Courtney. I can’t tell you how many times I almost called. And one time, I did...but you changed your number. I thought—”
“Oh, my God. No. I wasn’t avoiding you. No, no, no.” Hastily I explained how my parents had cut me off and canceled my cell service. “I have a new number. Nadia, Angus and Kia have it. You didn’t ask them?”
He shook his head. “After what I said? I couldn’t stand for one of them to answer, ‘Dude, she hates you. Take a hint.’”
“I didn’t fall in love with you in a few weeks. It was so slow and deep that I’ll never stop feeling it. You think I could move on this fast?”
“I was afraid you had. Especially when you said you’re staying with Evan.”
Yeah, he’d seemed pretty jealous last night. “Are you kidding? I’ve been working on a master plan to win you back.”
“Seriously?”
With a half smile, I outlined all the steps I’d taken to prove my independence, including the job I’d gotten at the bar. He listened with an expression that was half troubled, half astonished. And when I finished, Max hissed in pain as he sat forward, reaching for my hand. Snapping to the edge of my seat, I gave it to him, hardly daring to believe this was real.