“Because you really don’t belong with somebody like me.”
“Smart, self-sufficient, handsome and hard-working?”
“You know what I mean.”
“I really don’t.” Stretching up, I kissed him lightly on the mouth. “But I promise letting you go isn’t remotely on my to-do list. You’re pretty damn special. Now I need to wash up and change. Meet you in the living room in ten minutes?”
“I love that about you,” he said.
“What?”
“The way you treat me like I matter.” The quiet words spoke volumes on the way his family had made him feel. While they might be patching up the cracks in the foundation, it didn’t mean the damage didn’t run deep.
“Max—”
“You’re the only person in the world who knows exactly who I am.”
“I could say the same.”
His smile widened and he gave me a look so sweet and intimate that it curled my toes. With a mumbled excuse, I hurried to my room before he could tell I was blushing. Again. Something about Max brought out my inner ingenue; I suspected it was his utter sincerity. With other people, he was kind of a clown, and it made me incredibly happy that—for some reason—this amazing guy had chosen me. While he might not be impressed with himself, I could only admire his determination. In his shoes, I’d be addicted to something and probably hooking to pay for it. Which might not be an optimistic self-assessment, but I’d already chosen pills over dealing with Eli’s loss and for the rest of my life, I had to remember how easily I could backslide.
After some inner debate, I changed into clean jeans, concert T-shirt, hoodie. He’d said I should dress like I normally did, after all. Then I spiked my hair and put on some red lipstick. I’d never been one for endless primping, but it looked like I was due for some fresh streaks. Maybe I’d go back to blue this time. Thoughtful, I peered at myself in the mirror, something I didn’t do a lot. Big nose, small mouth, sharp chin... I had what might honestly be called a witchy face.
Pretty eyes, Eli said.
You’re biased.
I always thought you had cat eyes. Sexy.
Thanks, I thought, but it was a reflex more than an actual conversation. Most of my attention was fixed on putting on eyeliner. I brushed my teeth last and went into the living room, where Max was already waiting. Kia was ignoring him to focus on her work, and the old Max would’ve played around, begging for attention. This one seemed to get everything he needed from me because he sat quietly, hands on his knees. It was a small miracle to find him still, no TV, music or video game to distract him. I wasn’t sure what it meant but it was good, right?
His gaze met mine, pure smoky heat. “You look great. Ready?”
“Yep. See you later, Kia.”
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she said without glancing up from her reading. “Wait, since I don’t do anything but study, change that up. How about, do everything I don’t?”
“Sounds like I’m in for an awesome night.” Max grinned and set a hand in the small of my back, guiding me toward the door.
Smiling, I let him. “Bye, Kia!”
He didn’t speak until I was strapping on the helmet. “It’s weird how nervous I am. I was going for original but I hope I didn’t cross into cheesy.”
“I love cheese,” I told him.
“That makes me feel marginally better.”
Max got on the bike and I climbed on behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist. The motorcycle zoomed off, warm wind rushing against my skin. At first I wasn’t sure where we were going, but then I started recognizing landmarks. Each turn brought us closer to the private place Max had shared with me before, the spot that offered him respite from the world. Like before, we parked and walked in, but when we pushed through the bushes to the small clearing overlooking the river, everything was different. He’d set up a red-and-white blanket, complete with picnic basket. Overhead, the sky was darkening to a shade of bruised plum, and the moon cut through in a crescent of silver. Glimmers of starlight caught the water, just a hint now, though it would be a flood of brilliance in an hour or so.
“I want to give you the world,” he said. “But for now, will you settle for a corner of it?”
In answer I sang the chorus of “I Only Want to Be With You.” At every bar mitzvah I ever attended, the terrible DJ always played this song, and I never imagined I’d have reason to sing it. But from Max’s grin, it was a good choice. Obviously relieved at my reaction, he set out the food carefully packaged in plastic containers: cheese, fruit, cold cuts and crackers. There was also a bottle of wine with plastic glasses.
“Ten points for pure ambiance,” I said.
“That’s not all.”
Max delved into his pocket and came up with an iPod, which he connected to a small flexible speaker. In seconds, the soft strains of my favorite song filled the silence—“Big Strong Girl” by Deb Talan. It was incredible to realize all the nights we’d hung out, talking music, hadn’t rolled over him like ocean waves, leaving the sand fundamentally unchanged. No, it was more like Max had been soaking me up like a sponge.
“You are killing me,” I whispered, oddly on the verge of tears.
“In a good way?”
I managed a nod. “The best. Thank you for all of this.”
“So you like it?” Tension seeped out of his shoulders as he offered his hand and pulled me down onto the blanket beside him. It was thick and plush but I could still feel the blades of grass prickling through. Judging by the pile of stones nearby, he must’ve spent at least an hour clearing the area.
“This is perfect. I’m not much for consumer culture anyway.”
“I figured I needed to do something special—and memorable—for our first date.”
“Mission accomplished. You hungry?”
“Starving,” he admitted, but from the look in his eyes, he wasn’t entirely talking about the food.
All in due time.
To repay his effort, I put together a cheese-and-meat cracker and offered it to Max. Without hesitation he ate from my fingers, which felt more significant than it should, maybe. I mean, he was my best friend in the world, and we’d slept together, made each other come. Yet it still moved me when he trusted me that way. It felt strangely as if I’d tamed a wild creature to my hand. Realizing he’d treat nobody else this way brought an ache to my throat.