“That night. Everything, actually. I just want you to know that it really was me, not you. I was kind of...broken.”
“Are you better now?” he asked.
“Getting there.”
“That’s all I need to know, then.”
We talked a little more, mostly about Nadia and Angus. When he said he had to go, I felt okay. At least Max wasn’t one of my regrets anymore.
* * *
The second week in March, Krista called us over to meet her man. Since Kenji had come home, she’d skipped the last couple of girls’ nights. They had a lot of lost time to make up for. For the moment, they were all living with her mom, but I didn’t see that situation lasting long. Krista and Kenji had to be eager for some privacy—well, as much as Naomi allowed.
She had dinner ready when Avery and I got there. Jill was the last to arrive. Kenji was a good-looking guy with nice hair, a little on the short side, and he obviously adored Krista and Naomi. The whole time we were at the house, he never put his daughter down, not when she had to be changed, when she spit up on him, or when she smacked him in the nose. His smile never faltered.
“So what’s your secret?” I asked, once the table had been cleared and Naomi was napping in Kenji’s arms.
“To what?” Krista sat against her fiancé’s side, one hand possessive on his thigh.
“Making it work. Everyone I’ve ever talked to who tried long-distance said it was horrible and things fell apart pretty fast.”
Jillian perked up. She was still seeing Ben, who wasn’t around nearly as much as she’d like. Traveling to sell office equipment wasn’t remotely the same as deployment, but I could tell she was interested in the answer. “I could use some tips for sure.”
Thoughtful, Krista tipped her head for a few seconds, glancing at Kenji, who leaned over to kiss her forehead. Then she answered, “It was awful when I’d hear reports of artillery or IEDs near his posting. And there’s no question that sometimes I got so lonely, I’d wonder if this could possibly be worth it. Then I’d imagine life without him and the answer was always yes.”
“That’s it?” Jillian asked.
Krista raised a brow. “It’s not enough?”
“For me, it helped to envision the ending,” Kenji explained. “No matter how dark it got over there, I knew she was waiting. There were a few times I might not have made it out if not for her. I wouldn’t have had reason to move so fast or push so hard.”
Avery tapped Jillian on the arm. “So the real question is, do you love Ben enough to wait however long it takes before you guys can be together, enough to fight if things get tough?”
My breath caught, because she might as well be asking me that question. How much do I love Rob? That much? Or not enough. Like I said that terrible day.
Jillian seemed frozen, indecision playing across her round face. “I’m not sure. We have fun together, but...I don’t feel like we have what you and Kenji do.” She cursed softly. “I think I have to break up with him.”
Kenji tilted his head against the couch. “Are your friends always this depressing, baby?”
I smirked. “Sometimes we do body shots off each other and try to see how many phone numbers we can get in a night. You’d be surprised at how many guys were into Krista’s midriff.”
“Lauren! God, don’t tell him that.”
He aimed a teasing smile her way. “Why, because it’s true? From the pictures I’ve seen, you were pretty hot with that baby belly.”
“That’s our cue to leave,” Avery said, standing up.
Jillian nodded. “Thanks for the advice. I’ll let you know how it goes. Nice meeting you, Kenji. We’ve all heard so much about you that it seems like we know you already.”
“All good?” he asked.
“Definitely. Dinner was delicious. See you soon, guys.”
Avery was driving tonight, so I got in her Bug, waving to Jillian as we drove off. Evidently rooming together had given her some kind of Lauren-dar, however, because before we were halfway home, she said, “Spill it.”
“What?”
“You got this deer-in-headlights look when Kenji and Krista were being adorable.”
“I was just thinking, that’s all.”
“About what?”
“Rob,” I admitted.
“Alert the media.”
“You asked. Do you want to hear this or not?” The car was quiet for too long. “Hey!”
She teased, “I’m thinking. Fine, tell me your deep thoughts.”
“Basically, just that I’m sure. I love Rob that much. My life will always be better with him in it. He’s worth waiting for, worth fighting for. I had to...I dunno, fix myself a bit before I could be a real partner, but I’m closer now. I’m better.”
“Are you trying to convince me?” Avery asked.
“No, I mean it. I think he needed to take this shot on his own, see how well he did without me backing him up. Not sure if you noticed when you were together, but he’s not the most confident guy.”
“I did,” she said softly. “I took advantage of it. And I should apologize.”
“You and me both. But the thing is, maybe he’s done. He sent back some things that belonged to me. It might’ve been a sign, letting me know that it’s definitely over.” Or maybe it meant something else entirely, though for the life of me, I had no idea what.
“Do you care? You already said you’ll fight for him. So go, kick ass and take names. Hold your head high, give him hell. Don’t stop ’til you get enough.”
“Are you just quoting random song lyrics at me now?”
“Maybe. I’m bad at this encouragement stuff, huh?”
I shook my head. “In fact, it’s just the boot in the ass I need to go get my man.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
First thing the next morning, I called Nadia. For once, the time difference served me well, so I didn’t wake her up. She answered on the second ring. At this hour, she was probably at the day care center. “Everything okay? You never call me when I’m at work.”
“Your parents are fine. I’m about to ask you a favor, and I’ll understand if you say no. But if you do, I’ll find another way—”
“Tell me what you need, LB.” When she cut into my babble, she sounded amused.
“Rob’s address.”
“That’s easy. I’m forwarding his contact info to your phone.”