“Dunno. Two or three hours.”
“Are you crazy?”
I smiled. “Less than I have been, actually.”
Rob unlocked the lobby doors and headed for the elevator. Apparently he lived on the sixth floor, near the top by my calculations, considering how long I’d been staring at the building and counting things. The ride up was quiet, but it wasn’t like I could just launch into my speech right here, and I’d forgotten most of what I intended to say in the waiting. He let us into his apartment, which was open and modern—hardwood floors, stainless steel. It didn’t have any of the charm of the place we’d restored together.
“I’ll make some coffee,” he said.
I waited politely in the living room, unable to breathe for the tightness in my chest. What did you think, that he’d be overcome with lust the minute he spotted you, sweep you into his arms and you’d have make-up sex without talking first? Maybe. It would’ve been easier; that was for sure.
When he finally brought two cups, mine fixed just as I liked it, I glanced up from my lap. I caught...something in his eyes, a familiar look, just before he shuttered it, and it gave me the courage to speak. “You’re probably wondering why I’m here.”
“Well, yeah. You made things pretty clear before.”
“I need to apologize to you.”
“For dumping me?” He folded his arms, propping a hip against the edge of his chair.
With him towering over me, I had a hard time finding the words. But I pushed on. “No, for lying. I knew you’d never leave if you understood how much I love you. And you needed to go, every bit as much as I needed to get my head together.”
“Love?” he asked quietly.
“I never stopped. I don’t know if I ever will. And it’s okay if you can’t forgive me. I know I hurt you, and I’m so sorry. But I couldn’t go with you, not then, and I was afraid you’d be too focused on a long-distance thing with me to give this—” I gestured vaguely at the apartment “—your best shot.”
“It would help if you told me why.”
“Why I couldn’t come with you?”
Rob knew about my anxiety, but I hadn’t been honest with him. So I took a deep breath and told him about the extent of my drinking, the night with Max, just how bad things had gotten at their worst and how much damage control there was to do before I could be with him as a real partner.
“Jesus,” he said softly.
It was impossible to meet his gaze. “I was a mess. And though I didn’t realize it at the time, I was using you as glue to hold myself together. I really am better now, though, or I wouldn’t be here. You should know, saying those things to you, it was like cutting out my own heart. After you left, I cried until I couldn’t see. But...I understand if this is too little, too late.”
“Say it again.” He tilted my chin up.
“Huh?” I blinked at him, bewildered.
“That you love me.”
“I love you, Rob. I always have. I was in love with you before you kissed me. Until you, I never even remotely believed in the possibility of a happy ending.”
“So what happens now?” He was being so cagey, so guarded with his reaction, that I had no idea how he felt about me, no matter what Nadia thought.
“That’s up to you. This is what I came to say. I could grovel more, but the core message will be the same—that I’m sorry and I love you, and that I’ll do anything you want, anything it takes for us to be together. If it’s not enough, then—”
Rob plucked the untouched coffee from my hands and pulled me out of my chair. At first, I half thought he was showing me the door, but then, for the first time in so long, I was in his arms. He put his cheek against my hair and breathed me in; I was doing the same to him through a rush of tears.
“Do you have any idea how much I missed you? God, Lauren, you weren’t just my girlfriend, you were my best friend, my family...everything.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“No...you were right about one thing. If I’d been looking back to Sharon, I don’t think I’d have done as well at this. Because I came here angry and with something to prove. But the longer we were apart, the more I realized that whole night was weird.”
I lifted my face, puzzled. “It was?”
“If I really had faith in us—in you—I wouldn’t have bailed so fast. I’d have argued with you. That’s because, deep down, I never thought I could be enough for you. So when you confirmed I wasn’t, all my worst fears came true, and I had to get out.”
“I told you before, you don’t have to do anything to be with me. I’m not a prize to be won like a stuffed bear at a carnival.”
“You said it, but I didn’t believe it. Not really. I needed to get out of Sharon and find out what I could do on my own.”
“Is the show going well?”
He nodded. “I’ve picked the assistants for the team, and we start filming in a few weeks.”
“I’m happy for you.”
Rob ran his hands through my hair, stroked my back. “Nadia is a pain in the ass, you know that? She wouldn’t tell me anything.”
I smiled, rubbing my cheek against his chest. “Don’t be too mad at her, she gave me your address. To update you, I’m still working at the dealership, still in school, still in love with you. And no, not dating anyone else.”
“I notice you’re not asking.”
“It’s not important.” Okay, that was a huge lie. It would kill me if he’d been with someone else, but I loved him too much for it to be a deal-breaker.
“For the record, I love you. And that means I’m not interested in anyone else. There have been some photo ops, but I’ve slept alone since the night I left.”
“Not me.” I paused long enough for his eyes to narrow, then added, “I’ve got Happy.”
“Damn, Lauren, that’s not funny.”
“Sorry, I tend to joke when I’m nervous. So what’re we going to do about this? Us?”
“I want you back. I want you with me.” The firmness of his tone sent a shiver of pleasure through me.
If it was even possible, I loved Rob more. A lot of guys would’ve made this difficult, pretended not to feel anything. Some of them would’ve refused to forgive me, but he was pure goodness, down to the bone. In all likelihood, he was better than I deserved.