That night, I pretended everything was fine in front of my parents and then retreated to do homework. In fact, I never went to sleep or turned off my lamp. I was a mess in the morning, bleary-eyed and blessed with bags I could pack my books in. It took longer than usual to make myself presentable, and I had to skip breakfast and run for the train.
So I wasn’t prepared when Russ ambushed me at my locker. “What the hell, you told Cam what I said?”
It gave me some satisfaction that they’d nicknamed him Cam, against his will. It said he was no longer calling all the shots. My ears rang with an odd tinnitus and I shook my head to clear it, peering up at Russ, whose face didn’t seem … quite the right shape, suddenly. I stared at him harder and the impression went away. Just lack of sleep.
Belatedly, I answered his question. “I didn’t. I asked Jen what she thought of Cam, and I think Allison was ahead of us in line, but I would never—”
“Bet it was Allison.” His frown cleared. “She’s always trying to make Cam like her. She’s got this weird rivalry with Brittany. They’re supposed to be BFFs, but I get the feeling Allison would giggle if Brit fell down the stairs.”
“That’s horrible.” I’d probably laugh, too.
“Girls,” Russ said, like I wasn’t one.
If I cared about him on any level, I’d punch him for being such a dick. Instead I got my books, and for some reason, he walked me to class. It kept everyone else at bay because he had a reputation for being vicious. He was there when they broke you. To me it seemed incredible that he could act like it never happened, as if my change in appearance wiped the slate clean.
It didn’t. I remember you, Russ.
A girl darted past me with her head down, and at first, I didn’t recognize her. She was wearing sweats, her blond hair falling in her face in a messy tangle. Like a snake, Russ lashed out and snagged her arm, whirling her around. He was already laughing.
“Wake up late today, Brit?”
Her head came up on a horrified gasp, and I saw some kind of … weeping rash crawling its way across her cheek—virulent red pustules topped with yellow crust—more than just a breakout, a staph infection on crack. Tears glimmered in her blue eyes, so swollen that I guessed she’d been crying for hours. I couldn’t bring myself to say a single mean thing, but Russ had that covered.
He recoiled in a move so violent he almost knocked down a passing freshman. “What the hell happened to your face?”
“An allergic reaction,” she said miserably. “I used a clarifying mask last night, and my skin puffed up a little. By morning … it was like this. My mom made me an appointment with my dermatologist for tonight, but she wouldn’t let me skip since I have cheerleading practice today.”
“Yeah, because everyone wants to see that”—Russ gestured at her face and body indicating the big picture—“prancing around. Do us all a favor, get out of sight until your face-sore heals up.” He cocked his head. “Huh. In those sweats, you look ass-heavy, too. What did you eat this summer, Brit? Your family?”
I should’ve been elated when tears spilled down her cheeks and she whirled, plunging down the hall in a mad dash to hide in the bathroom. Now she knows how it feels. But instead my insides boiled, even though I hadn’t done anything to cause this. Shame froze me because I hadn’t stopped Russ from saying any of those awful things. I could’ve spoken up, but I just stood there like a lump.
Incredibly, insanely, he was grinning at me. “Wow, she says meaner shit than that every day, then a little choice truth, and she’s a whimpering mess. Weak, huh?”
“I hope the doctor can help her.” To my surprise, I wasn’t playing a part; I meant it. Looks meant a lot to Brittany, and while I didn’t like her, I hated seeing her so shamed. It wasn’t nearly as satisfying as I’d expected.
“You’re too nice. You should hear what she says behind your back.”
That didn’t surprise me. Last year, she said it to my face. Frowning, I dodged into my Lit class early, mostly to get away from Russ, who I wanted to kick. A lot.
“You look tired, Edie. Is everything all right?”
I swung around to see Colin propped artfully against his desk. God, everything he did seemed so … studied, like he was constantly posing. There were already a few girls sitting dreamily at their desks, and I wished he’d care about their mental and emotional well-being instead. I arranged my stuff, ignoring him until he turned away. It seemed too soon for him to be invested in me as a student, which left a couple of possibilities. He was keeping track of me for Wedderburn … or Dwyer & Fell. Though he wasn’t as beautiful as Kian, he was attractive enough for me to credit that he’d asked for that face.
You know what they say about those who think random people are involved in a conspiracy and plotting against them. Crazy town.
Putting aside that fear, I focused on my morning classes. Somehow I managed not to fall asleep, though I certainly wasn’t performing up to last year’s standards. I’d be lucky to pull As if I kept this up. There might even be minuses. My parents would be appalled. Sadly, I wasn’t joking.
“Have you seen Brittany today?” Jen asked, catching up halfway to the cafeteria.
“Yeah, before first period. She looks rough.”
“I guess she’s been hiding in the bathroom most of the day. The headmaster called her mother out of some charity thing to come and get her. Brit was crying her head off when her mom yanked her out of there.”
This was the exactly what I would’ve wished on Brittany, a few weeks back. Yet there was no delicious schadenfreude, only a sick sort of regret, tinged in dread. I just talked about this with Kian. And Wedderburn offered to get revenge for me. What if he won’t take no for an answer?
As we went into the cafeteria, Jen changed the subject, probably seeing that I was uncomfortable. She was trying really hard to make it right, what happened last winter. Unfortunately, there was no way to wipe the slate, and while I appreciated her efforts, I still didn’t trust her. Vi was my only real friend, untainted by the shit splattered over the rest of my life. I recalled how easily Wedderburn had drawn her into his web and I shivered; there was no way I’d let anything happen to Vi.
Brittany didn’t come to school the rest of the week, but nobody knew why until Friday. At our usual table during lunch, Allison delivered the news in a hushed whisper, as if she didn’t intend to repeat it later. Gossip was the water of life to her.