“You won’t get in trouble?”
He shrugged. “I barely got out of my burning house the other night, and since I’m not a ‘fascinating asset,’ the company still hasn’t done anything about it. I don’t much care what they do to me at the moment.”
For a few seconds, I wondered if that was just what he thought I wanted to hear. But if this was a blind spot, he had no reason to lie. Maybe this was just his first chance to tell me how trapped and unhappy he was. On the other hand, it might not be a blind spot at all. He could be playing me perfectly—at Wedderburn’s instruction. I almost wouldn’t blame Kian if that was true; his boss was terrifying.
“You should care,” I said quietly. “You’re important.”
He shot me a warm look, one that quickened my heartbeat a little. But his tone rang with sad finality. “Not to them.”
Following his lead, I sat down on the sand, a few feet from the water. The late-afternoon sun warmed my skin, gradually washing away the freezer-death feeling that had sunk into my bones during the interview with Wedderburn.
“So your boss … what is he?”
“I’m not sure,” Kian answered. “Not human anymore, if he ever was. His name has been on the building for a hundred years, and I’ve dug up a few pictures of him, looking exactly that way for at least that long.”
“Creepy. Does he disappear and then come back younger?”
“No. That’s the odd thing. And he never fakes his own death, either.”
I’d read books about vampires doing that, then pretending to be his or her own grandchild, but a life eternally encased in ice? That was new.
Kian went on, “But he doesn’t go out either. It’s all done through intermediaries, and when you have as much money as he does, nobody asks too many questions.”
“I imagine bad things happen to those who poke around in his affairs.”
“You handled yourself well in there,” he said unexpectedly. “Struck the right balance between wariness and respect.”
I frowned, trickling a palmful of sand between my fingers. “I don’t understand why he offered me payback. Do I hate those ass**les? Absolutely. I dream about finally knowing what it’s like, how I felt, but—”
“It was a test,” he cut in.
“Of what?”
“Your character. A lazy person accepts all help, even if he doesn’t need it. An evil one would’ve asked Wedderburn to inflict all manner of horrors on his enemies.”
“Oh.” My breath was shaky when I exhaled. “I can’t say I wasn’t tempted. A dark part of me would love to see them all broken.”
Not just humiliated, but destroyed. That part, I couldn’t bring myself to say out loud.
“After what they did, it’s understandable. But you’d never actually harm them, no matter what fantasies you play with.”
“I wish I didn’t have it in me. But I look at Brittany, who held the camera, and I think, What would it take to break you? Would I have to mess up her face?” I couldn’t believe I was saying that, because it was so ugly, and it made me sick, that I could still be this full of hate. I knew for the sake of my own mental health, I had to let it go.
But I couldn’t. Not yet. Maybe saying these awful things to Kian would help. He could be my sounding board, and once I vented it all, I could move on.
“Do you want to hurt her?” he asked.
“No. I mean, I don’t think so. Do I want people to laugh at her? Yeah. I want her to know how feels. But I’m not thinking about carving her up or anything.” I picked up a smooth stone and chucked it toward the ocean. There was no way I could look directly at him and ask this question. “Did you see it? The video they made?”
A pained sound tore from him, and his head dropped into his hands. I could see his fingers tearing at his hair, hard enough that it looked painful. “I was there, Edie. My job was to mark your progress, see you skate ever closer to extremis. I could’ve stopped it. I didn’t.”
Jesus. I almost threw up. It was bad enough that he knew, but this—
“Take me home,” I managed to say. “Right now.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Take. Me. Home.”
Then he grabbed my hand and the world speeded up to rushing insanity, and in a single swirl, we were both in my room. That was the last straw; I stumbled to the wastebasket and barfed up my lunch while Kian held my hair. I wanted to hit him—to hate him—but mostly, I was just sick and ashamed that he’d seen. I mean, I’d known he was watching me, but I didn’t realize how closely. Afterward I curled up in a ball on the floor, too drained to shove him away when he pulled me close.
“I’ve seen so much pain in the last three years, logged it, and done nothing to make it better. I’m so sorry, Edie.”
“If you don’t do your job, what happens?” I asked eventually, head against his chest.
My parents could come in at any time, and I had no explanation ready for who this boy was or why he was holding me on my floor. I didn’t care either; the strangeness of the day had sucked it all out of me.
“A human resource that refuses to perform its function is useless.” He sounded like he was quoting someone, maybe Wedderburn. “So … I’d be terminated.”
“As in killed.” I had little doubt, but it seemed best to be sure. Considering his obvious guilt over failing to intervene, I didn’t imagine he would’ve chosen inaction, if interference didn’t carry an enormous penalty.
“Yeah.” He pulled back, as if that wasn’t a good enough explanation.
“So essentially, you’re apologizing for not dying for me. You hadn’t even talked to me at that point. No offense, Kian, but I’d rather have you here on my side. As long as we’re still breathing, there’s hope, right?” Somehow I managed a lopsided smile.
“Oh God, Edie.” He brushed his lips across my forehead. We both knew why he wasn’t kissing my mouth.
“We’ll be okay,” I whispered.
How I wished I believed that. It felt like I’d fallen down a well rapidly filling with dark water. As I wrapped my arms around Kian’s back, I felt the tremor that ran through him and wondered how long I could hold my breath.
ALL GOOD THINGS
Shadows plagued me, dancing just beyond the range of the streetlights, and since I’d met Wedderburn, I had no idea if they were working for him. And what about the thin man? Did he report to Dwyer & Fell? My head ached.