REBECCA ANGLED HER HEAD to better receive Josh’s kiss and buried her hands in his hair, which was thick and had just enough curl to give it body. He smelled of the leather coat he’d been wearing, and some sort of aftershave. Taken together with the feel of his bare chest against her naked br**sts, the sensation was overwhelming. She could scarcely breathe for the desire that threatened to consume her.
This was nothing like it had been with Buddy. Nothing at all, she thought dimly. Thank God she hadn’t settled…. She wouldn’t have wanted to miss something like this.
It occurred to her that Josh was the reason she hadn’t settled, but she didn’t want to give him too much credit, not when he’d interfered in her life just to hurt her.
He rolled her beneath him on the bed, covering her with his big body even though he still had on his pants and she her skirt, and angled his hips so that she could feel the delicious pressure of him. She wrapped her legs around him to draw him closer, feminine satisfaction heightening her pleasure when he groaned and deepened his kiss.
“You kiss so well,” he said, running his tongue lightly over her bottom lip and tugging it gently into his mouth.
She could’ve said the same to him, but she was too busy reveling in his solid weight anchoring her to the mattress. If he did other things half as well as he kissed, she had a lot to look forward to. The next few minutes would finally put an end to the curiosity and yearning she’d experienced for so long.
“Do you like this?” he asked, gently suckling one breast, then holding it so he could witness her nipple’s response in the light from the hall. She watched him, strangely captivated by the eroticism of what he was doing.
“Do you?” he prompted.
She let her lips curve into a smile and nodded.
“Then say it. I want to hear you say it,” he said, gazing at her with half-lidded eyes that made him look lazy and relaxed even though she could feel the tautness of his body.
“I like it,” she muttered, her breath ragged.
“You want more?”
“Um-hum.”
“Tell me what else you’d like.”
“You want to hear me talk dirty?”
“No, I want to hear you say you want me,” he said. “That it wouldn’t be the same with anyone else. That no one else will do.”
Rebecca felt far more comfortable with the purely physical. The physical she could close off when she needed to; it didn’t threaten her. But he was asking her to combine the sharing of pleasure with something far more personal, and she couldn’t do that. She wouldn’t bare her soul for Josh Hill. She had certain defenses against him she refused to tear down, even now, and precisely because she did want him, and only him, inside her, meant she could never say what he insisted on hearing.
“I wouldn’t have let you bring me home if I didn’t want to be here,” she said, skirting the issue.
He leaned up on his elbows, a frown on his face. “That’s the best you can do?” he asked, sliding one hand beneath her skirt. “Come on, Becky. I want to hear you say my name. I want to be sure you know it’s me who’s making you writhe and cry out.”
When she said nothing, his hand stopped its gradual ascent on her thigh. “Beck?”
“Josh, let’s…let’s not play games,” she said hoarsely. “It’s not as though we have any illusions about each other, right?”
He pulled his hand away. “What illusions are you talking about?”
“That anything will ever come of this. I mean, we’ve been enemies too long for that.”
His eyes grew watchful in a different way. “So what are we now?”
Rebecca paused. She could tell this was suddenly veering off-course, but she couldn’t figure out how to steer it back without giving too much of herself away. Was he hoping for some type of confession that would finally cede him the victory of the battle that had waged between them since they were kids? Because she could never give him that. She’d held a grudge against Josh Hill for twenty-four years, and she wasn’t going to let it slip away now. It was her talisman, her protection from the devastating charm he used to conquer everyone else, her only insurance that he would never find her wanting as her father always had. “For the moment we’re lovers, I guess,” she said.
“For the moment.”
A foreboding note had entered his voice. It made Rebecca a little uncomfortable. “Yeah.”
“And in the morning?”
“Look, let’s not talk, okay? That’ll ruin everything. Tonight is tonight, and tomorrow is tomorrow.” She reached for the zipper of his jeans, eager to get back to what she’d been enjoying so much, but he pushed her hand away.
“What’s wrong?” she asked. “Why’d you bring me here if this isn’t want you want?”
“It is what I want.”
“Then what’s wrong? What are you waiting for? I want the same thing.”
He shook his head. “You’re not ready,” he said, rolling off the bed.
Rebecca couldn’t believe what she’d just heard. What the heck did he mean, not ready? She’d never been more ready in her life!
“What are you talking about?” she cried, sitting up and pulling the sheet over her br**sts to cover herself. In the face of his sudden rejection, she felt newly vulnerable. “Is this some sort of revenge for the Excursion?”
“No.”
“Are you getting back at me for walking out on you a year ago?”
“No.”
“Then what? You want me as badly as I want you. You can’t hide it, you know.”
“I’m not trying to hide it,” he said. “I’ve already admitted as much.”
“Then why aren’t you making love to me?”
“Because I want it to mean something, okay? I can sleep with anyone, but it’s just another screw unless…unless you care.”
“You’re joking.”
“I’m not. I won’t touch you again until you can look me in the eye and tell me I’m the only man you want. And that you’d trade anything to have me.”
Rebecca clenched the sheet with both hands. “Are you crazy?”
Cupping her chin, he angled her face up until they were nearly nose to nose. Rebecca thought he might kiss her again—hoped he would. Everything he’d said had to be an unkind joke. How like Josh to do this, to taunt her this way….