She wished she could say no, but that was more of a rhetorical question. “I’d rather you didn’t talk about what happened back then, Clyde. With anyone.”
“Is that why he’s calling me? Does he suspect? Is he digging for answers?”
Fortunately, he didn’t even know to ask those questions.... “I can’t say for sure, but...it’s important that he never find out. I can...I can trust you, can’t I?”
“Why don’t you finally bring those bastards to justice?” he demanded.
“It’s complicated, as you well know.”
“That kid died while you were defending yourself, Addy. It’s not as if anyone could blame you.”
Except for Noah and his parents and everyone else who might view the situation differently. They hadn’t been there. They didn’t understand how hurt and terrified she’d been. And, after seeing that presentation at the football game, she was positive they could never imagine Cody doing what he did, even less now than before. “I’ve got it under control.”
“We both know that isn’t true. Maybe if you’d come forward years ago, our marriage would’ve had a chance.”
Closing her eyes, she searched for a way to diffuse his pain. Now that Noah had Clyde’s name and number, she definitely needed to keep this as amiable as possible. “That isn’t what destroyed it.”
“You’re blaming me? Saying it was my affairs?”
He’d been drinking. She could hear it in his voice, and that worried her. What if Noah reached him when he was drunk? “I’m not pointing any fingers. I’m not even searching for those kinds of answers.”
“Well, I am, damn it! I never had a chance with you. You didn’t even give a shit when I cheated on you.”
She wished she could say that wasn’t true, but she hadn’t cared as much as she should have.
“I wouldn’t have looked at other women if you’d been capable of loving me like a wife should,” he went on.
“It wasn’t the rape that stopped me,” she said.
“What then?”
She’d already been in love...with Noah. He was the only person she’d ever felt strongly about, and she couldn’t seem to change that. But she knew better than to reiterate the fact that Noah had overshadowed their relationship. Clyde would reveal her secret for sure. “You and I...we weren’t meant to be.”
“That’s bullshit!”
“It doesn’t matter anymore, anyway. Listen to yourself. We’ve been divorced for over a year.”
“It wasn’t much of a marriage to begin with.”
“Then you didn’t lose anything.”
He didn’t respond for a moment. “Maybe you’re right. I don’t know what I’m talking about. You just...drive me crazy. You always have.”
“I’m sorry.”
He ignored her apology. It wasn’t the first one she’d offered. “So what should I tell Noah if he calls back?”
“Tell him you never did anything to harm me. Tell him you don’t know anyone who would.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Just say it, okay? Please? That’s all you need to do.”
She heard him sigh.
“Maybe, maybe not,” he said, and hung up.
Addy sat on the edge of her bed, nibbling on her bottom lip as she agonized over what would happen if Clyde decided to be spiteful. She had to quit seeing Noah. She was being selfish, reckless, even foolish, to continue sleeping with him.
But no sooner did those thoughts go through her head than she heard a soft knock at her door. “Addy, it’s me.”
Noah. She told herself she’d find out how Baxter was doing and say goodbye. But Noah looked so emotionally strung out that she couldn’t turn him away, even after she learned that Baxter would recover. His best friend had almost died; Noah was still worried about what the future would hold. So when he slipped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her hair as if he’d reached his safe place, her resolve instantly crumbled.
She could tell him tomorrow that she wouldn’t see him again....
“I’m sorry if I woke you. I had to touch you,” he breathed, and a few seconds later all their clothes were on the floor and they were in her bed.
* * *
Noah made love to Addy slowly, gently. He didn’t want to wake her mother by causing the headboard to bang against the wall. This wasn’t about satisfying his physical desires. He just wanted to feel close to Addy, to take comfort in the warmth of her body. That was also the reason he didn’t leave immediately afterward. Curling around her, he stared into the blackness that cloaked her room as her breathing evened out.
He hadn’t told her that Baxter refused to see him at the hospital. Although he’d been relieved to hear the doctors say Bax was going to be okay, his rejection hit Noah hard. He’d never thought he’d see the day when his best friend wouldn’t want anything to do with him.
Baxter’s refusal to let Noah come into the room confused Mr. and Mrs. North, too. And it surprised the hell out of the rest of their friends—especially since no one else was banned. Noah had left the hospital feeling as if everyone thought he must be to blame for what Baxter had done.
As Addy shifted, he moved to allow her more room.
“You okay?” she murmured.
He kissed her temple. “Yeah.”
“Baxter will eventually come to terms with who he is and what he wants out of life. He’s just...having an identity crisis.”
“I know,” he said, but he also knew that whatever happened, he and Baxter would never be the same.
She covered a yawn, but didn’t go back to sleep. She roused enough to ask, “How did his father behave?”
“He’s stunned, hurt—and oblivious.”
“To Baxter’s sexuality.”
“Yes.”
“The pressure we put on people to be what we want them to be sometimes isn’t fair.”
He stroked her side. “Has someone put that kind of pressure on you?”
“Clyde.”
He lifted his head. “You’re using his name?”
“He called me tonight.”
“Do you hear from him very often?”
“Not anymore. He wanted to tell me you’ve been trying to reach him.”
He went silent because he wasn’t sure how she was going to react to that.
“He isn’t the one who hurt me, Noah. I promise.”