Noah’s throat tightened. “Where’d they take him?”
“Mark Twain St. Joseph’s Hospital in San Andreas.”
“Let’s go.” Determined to get to the hospital as fast as possible, he hooked his arm around Addy’s neck and started for the car. “We’ll drop Adelaide off on our way.”
Addy pulled out of his grasp. “No, I’m fine. I’ll walk. You two get on the road.”
“It’ll only take a second,” he insisted. “I don’t want you walking home in the dark.”
She seemed to realize it would take longer to argue. “Fine. But what about your truck?” she asked as they climbed into Eve’s Acura. “If you give me the keys, I’ll drive it over to your place so it’ll be there when you get home.”
“There’s no need. I’ll pick it up when I come back.” He thought briefly of the note he’d found on her windshield. Leaving his truck at her place would definitely be making a statement.
But he wasn’t about to let anyone tell him he couldn’t see her.
24
Noah sat in the waiting room with Eve, Ted, Kyle and Riley. Cheyenne hadn’t answered her phone when they tried to reach her. No one had called Sophia. They’d been deliberating whether they should, but Noah was against it, and so was Ted. Ted didn’t even like her appearing at coffee, so that came as no surprise. Noah was too protective. He didn’t want news of this to spread any farther than it had to. That meant Callie was the only person who should know what was going on but didn’t. Other than Noah, she was Baxter’s closest friend. But she had a week left in Hawaii, and there was no point in ruining her honeymoon, not until they learned more. So far, they knew next to nothing. The hospital staff wouldn’t allow Noah to see Baxter. They wouldn’t even let Baxter’s parents in the room. All his closest loved ones were stuck together, worrying and waiting.
As Noah watched Mr. North comfort Mrs. North off in one corner, he wondered how well they really knew their son. Did either of them have any clue about what might’ve caused him to attempt suicide?
Noah wanted to tell them, to get the truth out in the open so they could all reassure Baxter. But he wasn’t convinced Baxter’s parents would be able to accept him for what he was. Samuel North loved his son—Noah had no doubt about that—but he had a specific vision as to the kind of person Baxter should be, and being homosexual didn’t fit that vision. He’d be ashamed and embarrassed, not the emotions a child hoped to evoke in a parent. Noah had been hunting and fishing with Baxter and his father, had heard some of the denigrating statements Mr. North had uttered. Noah hadn’t thought too much about his remarks at the time, since they didn’t affect him personally. But in light of the past week, those memories cut like glass. He was hearing them from Baxter’s point of view now. They’d once been on a campout when they’d run into a couple of guys Baxter’s father had deemed to be “fags.” Mr. North had said that “such scum” deserved to have their penises cut off and shoved down their throats.
Guilt for worrying about how Baxter’s sexual orientation would affect him weighed so heavily that Noah felt he might sink into the floor. How could he have put even more pressure on Baxter to be something or someone he wasn’t? Now it was easy to see how hard Baxter had tried to meet everyone’s expectations.
The silence of that room was broken only by their occasional whispering—How much longer...? If they can’t save him I don’t know what I’ll do.... Surely, in this day and age they’ll be able to revive him....
“Shit,” Noah muttered.
Riley glanced over at him. “You okay?”
“No.” Unable to sit any longer, he got up and headed down the hall to the drinking fountain. Although some of the people in the waiting room, like Ted and probably Eve, knew Baxter was g*y, no one, other than Callie and him had had it confirmed. Noah wished Callie was here, so he wouldn’t be the only one who understood just how conflicted Baxter was. The odd thing was that Bax had never acted depressed, never talked about ending his life, never complained at all. This had come out of nowhere, which upset Noah as much as everything else. He wished he’d had some warning, so he would’ve known he needed to do something to stave it off.
If they saved Bax, what would he do next? Would he continue to hide behind the image he’d created so none of the people he loved would think any less of him? That kept the situation status quo—tempting in such a small town. But was it possible to go on like that? How long would Baxter, or anyone else, be able to last if he was unfulfilled in the most important areas of his life?
Noah thought of Adelaide and how much he’d enjoyed being with her since she’d returned to town. She’d been on his mind constantly this past week. And he’d derived so much satisfaction from making love to her. Would it be fair to expect Baxter to live without those same feelings of romantic excitement and contentment?
Noah had no answers. Part of him wanted to tell Baxter to come out, but the reality of what that might do, how it might make matters worse, stopped him. He couldn’t set Bax up for a life without the love and support of his family. That was too big a sacrifice to encourage someone to make.
“Noah.” Samuel North’s voice interrupted his thoughts.
Nerves tingling, Noah turned away from the fountain and faced Baxter’s father. “Yes, sir?”
“I just...I wanted to see if...if you’d noticed anything unusual about Baxter lately.” He rubbed his hands together, as if he wished he was putting them to some useful task but couldn’t think of one. “I can’t wrap my mind around this, can’t believe it’s true. He came over for dinner earlier. Other than a brief argument over whether he should sell his house and move to San Francisco, which we told him we’d hate to see, everything went like it always does. He never said a word about being upset. His sister called from Portland. They talked on the phone for a few minutes. There’s...no answer for this. I mean...he’s a handsome, successful, good man. What would lead him to—to try and take his own life?”
Acid churned in Noah’s stomach. What could he say?
“Was it a breakup with a woman we didn’t know about?” his father pressed, casting about for answers. “Was it a setback at work?” He lowered his voice. “He hasn’t lost his job, has he?”