“We don’t need to crowd in on your Christmas,” she said. “I can stack Alexa’s presents on my dresser. I know that doesn’t seem very traditional, but she understands this year will be different.”
“It doesn’t have to be that different. Not when I’ve got a perfectly good tree.”
“You sure you don’t mind sharing?”
That would put them together on Christmas morning. He understood why she was hesitating. But he couldn’t believe she had other plans, and he wanted her with him at Christmas. Alexa, too. “Of course not. I got it for all of us to enjoy.”
“Okay.” She flashed him a smile before pulling out some wrapping essentials. “I bought some pretty paper and ribbon. You’re welcome to use it.”
She seemed to think that wrapping was important, but he didn’t usually go to much effort. “I’ve got some paper from last year, don’t I?”
“Oh, right.” She rose to her feet. “It’s in the front closet. I’ll grab it since we may not have enough here.”
He went to his office for tape and scissors and they spread out on the living room floor across from each other with the lights of the tree twinkling in the corner.
“What’d you buy today?” she asked as he began to empty out his bags.
He’d bought a pretty jewelry box for Alexa, but he didn’t want to make a big deal of that. He left it in the sack and held up a brown suede Calvin Klein coat. “This, for my mother.”
She examined it. “Nice. I bet she’ll love it.”
“I doubt it. She’s impossible to please. But I keep trying. And I bought this.” He pulled out a Giants cap for Noah. “I get him a new cap every year, and he gets me a pen. It’s sort of a standing joke between us.”
“I envy you your friends,” she said.
Hearing that wistful note in her voice made Ted feel like a real ass about how he’d behaved over the past few years. “I’m sorry I wasn’t friendlier about letting you join us for coffee,” he said. “I had no idea just how bad it was at home, how a little...camaraderie might’ve helped.”
“I don’t blame you.”
“Still. I wish I hadn’t been so involved in what I was feeling.”
“Stop. I was busy getting what I deserved,” she said, doing her best to make a joke out of it. “Anyway, I shouldn’t have been so forward. I knew no one really wanted me there. It was just...”
“What?”
She squeezed her eyes shut. “God, I missed you so much!”
When she looked up again, she seemed as surprised as he was that those words had come out of her mouth, and immediately started backpedaling. “But of course I was married and you’d moved on. And it’d been so long. I was stupid to think we could ever be friends.” She caught herself again. “I mean...I hope we’re friends now. But...I’m talking about before.”
“You seem nervous,” he said with a grin. “Did you, by chance, reveal too much?”
“Maybe.” She scowled at him. “But it’s not funny. I wanted your forgiveness, okay? Are you happy now you’ve forced me to admit that?”
“I’m feeling pretty good about it, yeah.”
She rolled her eyes at the cocky tone he’d used. “Can’t you cut me some slack? I’m in an awkward situation here, working for someone who’s hated me for years.”
He grew serious. “I’m not sure hate’s the right word.”
“Then what is?” She started fiddling with the Band-Aids protecting her cuticles as if she wanted to get them off, and he moved close enough to stop her.
“Maybe it’s time I was honest, too.”
She pulled her hands away. “That’s okay. I’ve had more honesty than I can handle for one year. I know what you thought of me.”
“You might not know this.” He clasped her chin and tilted up her face. “I didn’t want you at coffee because...” When she stiffened as though bracing for a litany of her past sins, he slipped his hand around to the back of her head. “I was afraid I would forgive you.”
Her big blue eyes, so unsure of whom to trust these days, were riveted on his. “Would that have been so terrible?”
She’d been drowning in misery. Coming to Black Gold on Fridays was her way of searching for a lifeline, and he hadn’t thrown her one. But if he’d opened his heart at all...
“It would only have made me want you back,” he said and lowered his head to kiss her for the first time in nearly fourteen years.
* * *
Sophia knew better than to let that kiss go anywhere. She was too fragile to withstand the ups and downs of getting involved on such an intimate level, especially with Ted. He meant too much to her. Maybe once she got back on her feet, and recovered her emotional strength, she could handle something this powerful, this overwhelming. But not now. She had no hope of maintaining the relationship. What did she have to offer?
Nothing. Her confidence had been beaten to an all-time low, and she had so much work ahead to put her life back together. It was inevitable that she’d lose him again. But there was nothing tentative about what took hold of them the second they touched, no way to deny the raw desire that welled up and imbued that kiss with an urgency she’d never experienced before. Within seconds, they were clinging to each other as if that was the only way to weather the storm of sensation ripping through both of them.
“This is what I’m supposed to feel,” Ted breathed against her mouth.
She couldn’t say anything. She wasn’t even sure what he was talking about. Her thoughts were too jumbled. She had his hands on her body again at last, and they felt even better than she’d imagined through all the years with Skip. Ted’s touch, the familiarity of his taste and smell, made her feel like a weary traveler finally returning home.
“I’ve been trying to wait,” he said, pressing his forehead against hers with a groan. “I don’t want to push you. I know you’ve been through hell and you’re not out of it yet, but thinking of you out there in your bed alone has had me walking the floor at night.”
She’d had the same problem. But that didn’t change her situation. She was about to say that maybe his first instinct had been a good one, that maybe they should slow down and be cautious. She couldn’t handle a breakup in her current state, and any disruptions in her life would adversely affect Lex. She had to protect her daughter, which meant she was better off avoiding any path that might be too rocky.