“I don’t hate you.” I said softly and in this moment I knew it was true. I didn’t hate her. I’d never hated her. I’d been heartbroken, scared, rejected, confused, but I’d never hated her. Pitied her, yes, felt bad for herself and for myself, yes, but hate. Never.
“You’re a good boy.” She nodded and touched the top of my head. “You’ve got a kind heart.”
“Not sure how.” I joked.
“Clementine.” She ran her fingers to my beard. “Her soul is angelic. It’s only natural that it touched you.”
“She hates me now.” I sighed. “She hates me.”
“She’ll never hate you, Rhett.” Her eyes smiled at me. “That girl loves you more than life itself.”
“I…” My voice cracked and I looked away. “I screwed up.”
“That’s the beauty about love.” Her voice sounded wistful. “I was wrong before, when I told her she was like me. When I told her she was loving in vain. I was wrong. You love her don’t you? You really love her. Your face is different when you talk about her. She’s in your heart.”
“Why…how…” I sighed.
“I don’t know what happened with her, Rhett, but don’t let her get away.” She whispered. “You’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“Follow your heart, Rhett.”
“I didn’t know I had one until recently.”
“It always takes men a little longer to figure it out.”
“I’m sorry about dad, I know it must have hurt.”
“It’s not for you to be sorry. I’m the one that’s sorry.”
“I have to go now.” I jumped up, my heart beating and my head full of Clementine. “I need to speak to Clementine.”
“I know.” She licked her lips. “And Rhett…” She paused and looked at me with hopeful eyes.
“Here,” I opened my wallet. “I have $40 to give you.” I pulled the notes out and handed them to her.
“No.” She shook her head and refused the money. “I don’t want it. I’m back in rehab.” She half-smiled. “It’s hard, but I’m trying. I’m really trying.”
“Good for you mom.” I dropped the money on the table. “What were you going to say?”
“Will you come and see me again?”
“Do you want me to?”
“I’d like nothing more.” She stood up and walked towards me. “There’s nothing I’d like more, except maybe a hug.”
“Come here, mom.” I pulled her into my arms and hugged her hard. She hugged me back, even harder and I could feel her crying against my chest. I rubbed her back and we stood there for ten minutes just hugging.
“I love you, Rhett.” She sobbed against my chest. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too, mom.” I whispered against her ear. “I promise I’ll be back to see you soon. I promise.”
I walked out of my mom’s house feeling like a completely different man. I was ashamed of myself. Really ashamed of myself. Clementine had been right. My entire friendship with her had been selfish. Completely selfish. Only I’d chosen to ignore all the signs of my complete and utter jerk ways. Knowing that Clemmie and Nanna had come to see my mom all these years made me realize just how important I was to both of them. Both of them loved me more than I deserved. I thought back to a conversation, I’d had with Clementine many years ago. She’d told me that she would only give her virginity to a man she loved, but of course I’d chosen to forget that fact when I’d taken her. I’d been blind for so many years to her feelings and to my own. She’d been my de facto girlfriend. She’d done everything with me. Only I had not wanted to acknowledge the truth of my feelings towards her.
I got into my car, ready to call Clementine and beg her to meet me. I needed to talk to her. Yet, I knew a talk alone wasn’t going to be enough. I needed to make a grander gesture. I pulled out my phone and called Nanna.
“Nanna, it’s me Rhett.”
“Rhett,” her voice was cheerful. “I’ve been waiting on your call.”
“You have?” I knew I sounded surprised.
“I’ve been waiting for you to come to your senses.”
“What?” My jaw dropped.
“I presume that you’ve come to your senses?”
“I love her, Nanna.” I whispered.
“Yes, so you’ve come to your senses.” She sounded pleased. “I was worried that you were going to be stubborn.”
“How long have you known?”
“Clementine has loved you since she was a child, Rhett.” She laughed. “I knew you were in love with her when you were 13.”
“What?” My jaw dropped. “What are you talking about?”
“A grandma knows these things, Rhett.”
“She hates me now.”
“She doesn’t hate you.” Her voice was firm. “Though I was ready to slap you when you started sleeping with her.”
“I’m sorry, Nanna.”
“It’s fine.” She sighed. “You young people do things so twisted these days.”
“I didn’t meant to take…”
“Rhett, let’s not discuss this.” She laughed. “I’m still an old-fashioned lady you know. I’m just glad you’ve come to your senses.”
“What if she won’t have me?” I sighed. “I kinda messed up.”
“You mean the issue with that Penelope?”
“Yes.” I sighed. Why did Nanna have to know everything?
“You didn’t sleep with her, did you?”
“No.” I was adamant and she laughed.
“Clementine’s just being melodramatic. You broke her heart, Rhett. Here she’s been loving you for years and just when she thinks you’re within reach, you betray her with her best friend.”
“I didn’t betray her. We weren’t even hooking up yet.”
“It doesn’t matter when it happened, Rhett.” She sighed. “Jealousy and love have minds of their own.”
“I haven’t even thought of another girl since we’ve been together.”
“Tell her that.”
“She’s not talking to me.”