“Clementine,” I shook my head at her. “That shit doesn’t exist. That’s Hallmark cards and those crappy romance movies and books you watch and read. I don’t know one guy that tells me his heart is so full of love for anyone.” I reached over and stroked her hair. “I’m not trying to be a jerk, but I don’t want you to spend your life searching for something that doesn’t exist.”
“I think it does exist.” She bit her lower lip.
“I’m telling you it doesn’t.”
“Well, you live your life that way.” She stepped back from me. “But I’m going to live my life this way.”
“So you want to live in a day dream?”
“I want to live with hopes and dreams, yes.” She nodded. “And I’m going to search for my true love, but I can’t do that, if I don’t date or put myself out there.”
“So you think that Elliott is your Prince Charming? Even though he’s a crappy kisser?”
“Rhett,” Her eyes widened and she pushed her hand against my mouth. “Shhh.”
“What? I’m just saying?” I smiled at her innocently.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen with Elliott, but I like him and I’d like to see where it goes.” She spoke softly. “Thank you for being concerned, Rhett, but I think I can handle this by myself. I don’t need you to play bodyguard.”
“Uh huh.” I frowned and looked at her bed. “Fine.”
“Veronica seems nice enough.” She looked at me curiously. “Do you like her a lot?”
“She’s fine.” I snapped and stepped forward. “I guess we can go back in the living room.”
“Rhett.” She touched my arm. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I pulled away from her and walked back into the living room. “You ready?” I walked over to Veronica and ignored Elliott. She looked up at me with an annoyed expression.
“I’ve been ready.” She replied with a sour look on her face.
“Let’s go.” I looked back at Clementine and raised an eyebrow at her. “Gimme a call, if you need me.” I stared at her for a few seconds and I could see from her expression that she was upset. Good, I thought. Let her think about what she’s doing. I walked out of the living room and through the front door without looking back. I could hear Veronica running behind me, but I didn’t slow my pace down.
“Are we going to my place now?” Veronica asked softly as she got into the car.
“I’m taking you back to your place, but I’m afraid I can’t stay the night.” I muttered as I pulled out of the parking lot.
“What?” Her voice was high. “What do you mean?”
“I mean you’ll have to use that rabbit on yourself.” I shrugged. “Or I have a friend you can call, if you really need to have some help. Tomas would be down I’m sure.”
“You’re a jerk.” She exclaimed pissed and I laughed.
“Trust me, you’re not the first girl to say that and I’m sure you won’t be the last.”
I pulled up to her apartment and dropped her off, not even bothering to make sure she made it to the door before pulling away. I was so pissed that I could barely think straight. I didn’t know where to go or what to do. I didn’t want to go home. I couldn’t go to Clementine’s. I didn’t want to see any of my guy friends. I didn’t wanna hook-up with any of the girls I had in my phone. I just wanted to be by myself in nature somewhere. I just needed to switch my brain off. I drove and drove for about an hour, before I decided to go to an old park that I used to go to as a kid. It was one of the only positive memories I had of my childhood and my mother.
I parked my car and got out and walked to a bench that was a couple of yards away from the children’s playground. The night air was warm, but there was a cool breeze. I closed my eyes for a second and sat back. The earth seemed to be moving beneath me and I was finding it hard to breathe. I took a couple of deep breaths and then opened my eyes and looked at the sky. The stars were shining brightly and I looked around at the playground as if seeing it for the first time. I could picture my mothers’ face as she watched me from the bench, her face looking like an angel as she stared at me with pride and love. Her hair had been long and blonde and her big blue eyes were always warm. Or they’d always been warm, until everything changed. I’d loved coming to the park. We’d always pack a picnic lunch and my mom would swing me around and around until both of us felt slightly dizzy.
I gripped the seat beneath me as I remembered my mothers’ laughing face and her loving eyes. Her loving eyes had lied to me though. She didn’t love me. She’d never loved me. If she had, she wouldn’t have left. She wouldn’t have loved the alcohol more than me. It had been ten years since I’d seen my mother. Ten long years of wondering why she’d stopped loving me. Ten years of wondering what I could have done differently. I could feel my eyes growing heavy and my heart aching as I sat there.
I hated that she could still do this to me. I hated that there was never a day that went by that I didn’t feel that slight ache inside. The ache I couldn’t reach. I hated that sometimes late at night, I woke up and all I could think about was her. I didn’t understand it. I didn’t want to feel this way. I wasn’t that guy. I didn’t get emotional. I didn’t care. I didn’t let anyone get too close or affect me. The only person I loved was Clementine. And she was my best friend. I knew that she was the only one I could count on to always be there for me. I couldn’t risk that friendship. Not for anything. I frowned as I realized my thoughts had changed from my mother to Clementine. I sighed as I sat there, feeling so tired and confused. I sat there in the silence, enjoying being by myself. This was what my life was now. It was just me. Clementine would find someone and leave me. It was inevitable.
Beep Beep. My phone vibrated as I received a text message and I pulled the phone out of my pocket.
“Hey.” It was Clementine. I was about to put my phone back in my pocket, but decided to text her back.
“Hey.” I didn’t have anything else left to say.
“Movie was good.”
“That’s nice.”
“Elliott left.”
“Okay.”
“Don’t be mad.”
I didn’t respond.