Looking all too bored, I reply, “Is that all, brother?”
Disappointment flashes on his face, but he covers it quickly. Standing, he looks at me indifferently. “Yeah. That’s all. I’m out.”
Then he’s gone.
Nope. I don’t like it.
This is the first disagreement I’ve had with Julius in years. It makes my gut churn. I don’t care about disappointing people. But Julius isn’t people.
He’s family.
I need to clear this up. Stat.
Standing, I make haste, rushing into the hall, down the steps, and out the front door. I catch him just as he steps into his silver Mercedes Kompressor. I call out, “Wait.”
Sitting, he closes the car door and lowers the window. “What?”
I don’t know what to say here. Julius knows me better than anyone. He’s had it worse than I have in a lot of ways, and even though he’s my friend, I was always jealous that he managed to keep it together when I couldn’t. I hated him for that for a long time. I’ve since made my peace with life.
“I love her.”
Staring straight ahead, I see his eyes flash with surprise. He looks ahead a long while before asking, “For reals love? Or I-like-fucking-her-so-much-that-I-think-it’s-love love?”
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I sigh. “The first one.”
“If you love her, you won’t hurt her.”
I scoff, “It’s bound to happen, don’t you think? She doesn’t know yet, Jay! She doesn’t know my name. She doesn’t know why I want her. She doesn’t even know I hired…” Shit. I can’t even say it.
He finishes my last sentence for me. “She doesn’t know you hired a man to violate her.”
Swallowing hard, I suddenly feel ill.
Approaching the car window, I kneel by the side and whisper, “I needed an in. It was the only way…”
Julius cuts me off. “No it wasn’t. You can’t make excuses for that shit, bro. He beat your girl. You arranged it. You have to live with it. Not me.”
Unable to conceal my rage, I punch the side of his car in both anger and fear. Anger at myself for what I let happen, and fear of losing her. I hate when he’s right. I hiss, “He was never meant to take it that far! That’s why he’s dead and she’s okay. Because I saved her!”
Julius looks at me through the disappointment lining his eyes, “Who you trying to convince, man? Me? Or you?”
With that, he takes his leave. And I’m left kneeling in the middle of my driveway, watching the silver Mercedes drive away.
Anxiety flows through me when I realize that cartook away my best friend.
And he may never come back.
Standing, I reach up and cross my arms behind my head while looking into the distance.
I’m a complete f**k-up.
Spending time at Casa de Twitch has not been as uncomfortable as I thought it would be.
I have a place where I can do my work, I have good company (when Ling isn’t around), and most of the time, it’s just me and Twitch hiding away in his bedroom.
That’s where the magic happens.
That’s where Twitch comes alive.
I love sex with Twitch, but…
Oh man, this is hard to admit.
But I miss the belt.
He doesn’t use it on me anymore. The sex is still rough, and he’s still very controlling, but it’s nowhere near how dark it was when we first met. And that first night…well…it set the tone of what I thought would come. And it did for a while. Alas, no more.
My poor vagina.
It misses the old Twitch as much as it loves the new Twitch.
A knock at my office door brings me back to the real world. “Come in.”
My eyes widen when the door opens and a familiar but very new face pops in. He smiles, “Hope I’m not disturbing you.”
I return his easy smile. “Not at all, Julius. How can I help you?”
Stepping in, he closes the door behind him and slowly looks around my office as he says, “You can help me, singing bird, by calling me Jay.”
Why is he here?
“Okay, Jay.”
Silence. Then he smirks, “Go on. Ask me why I’m here.”
I like this man. “But that would be rude.”
He counters, “Nuh uh. Rude is arrogance. Rude is feeling like you’re above people. Getting to the point of things ain’t rude, sugar. You’re sweet as pie. I know this and I only met you last night.”
A bright blush rises from my neck. “Th-thank you, Jay.”
After looking around my office, picking things up at random to examine, he sits in my guest chair with a sigh. “Twitch is my best friend. My best friend in the entire world. Known him a lifetime.”
If he wanted my interest, he certainly just got it.
But I’m confused. “He never mentioned you.”
Julius nods. “I suspect he wouldn’t. We met in juvie. It’s not exactly a nice tale. Definitely not one you wanna tell to try and impress your girl.”
He searches my face. I suddenly feel like a child when I whisper, “Tell me about him. Please.”
“That’s part of why I’m here. There’s some things you need to know about him. About why to not give up on him. Do you know why he was in juvie?” I nod and he says, “He was in a bad way when he got to me. He’d been in for about three days and no one could calm the boy down. He was picking fights with anyone and everyone. So much anger in him. Never seen anything like it. Almost like he was a wild animal they were trying to cage.” He smirks. “He caught my eye. I’d been in there two years when he came, so I knew the way of things and knew if he kept this up, he’d catch the eye of the guards. And their punishments. Well, let’s just say that they would’ve torn him a new ass**le. Pun intended.”
I don’t know if I can hear this.
Julius continues, “One day in the quad, he picked a fight with the wrong kid. Small kid. Looking like he’d easily take a beating. But the kid was skilled. I jumped in before Twitch got his ass beat, and he repaid me by giving me a black eye. So that night, when we went back to our dorms to sleep, I stayed up. Waited ‘til the lights were out, got my shank out of its hiding spot, and went to find Twitch. He was sleeping. Having bad dreams. I snuck up on him, put the shank to his throat, and woke him up by slapping him clean across the face.”
“He jumped up, saw the shank, and stilled.” His eyes become soft. And depressed. “It was the saddest thing I ever saw. Like he was at peace with dying. I told him that he could fight me all he wanted, but he needed to choose a side. With me or against me. He didn’t say a word for a long time before he asked me what I was in for. So I told him honestly that I’d killed my dad.”