I wait patiently, but she doesn’t respond. Why did I think I would say what I had to say and she would just jump into my open arms cooing, ‘I’m yours!’?
Stupid movies and their completely inaccurate argument scenes.
Reaching over to hold her hand, I’m surprised that she lets me. Linking our fingers, I pull her hand onto my thigh and try again. “I’m not used to having one woman, Lex.” She scoffs and I cringe, knowing (now) that it wasn’t the right thing to say. “What I meant is that I’ve not ever given myself to one woman. I’ve always avoided relationships because I don’t like what comes with them. This being one of those things.”
She mumbles, “You said it yourself. You’re going to hurt me.”
Underplaying my words, I shrug. “It’s bound to happen, baby. I’m sure you’ll hurt me too. But that’s just something that happens when you care about someone too much. Everyone gets hurt.” She turns her sad eyes to me. I add, “But it makes the sweet so much sweeter. If every relationship was perfect, think about how bored everyone would be. Not to mention, make up sex is supposed to be fan-fuckin’-tastic.”
Her lip twitches and I know I’ve got her. She turns her face back to the window, “You’re a dork.”
Lifting our hands to my mouth, I nip her fingers. “I’m your dork.”
Snapping her head around, she asks in all seriousness, “You mean that?” Pause. “You’re mine? Just mine?”
No lies. “Completely.” She doesn’t look convinced. Kissing the back of her hand, I say something that I didn’t plan on telling her. “You own me.”
We stop at a red light, and turning my body towards hers, I splay my hands on her cheeks and pull her head towards mine. Nose-to-nose, my jaw sets and I whisper in false calm. “But you can’t leave me. Not ever.”
Her eyes turn sad and I know she thinks I’ve got issues. She wouldn’t be wrong. I do have issues. She kisses the tip of my nose. “Don’t you know?”
My brow bunches and she smiles.
Our lips touch. She whispers against them, “You’re what fills the hole in my heart.”
Warmth flows through me. My heart kick-starts. I feel the best I’ve ever felt in my life.
Then she ruins it.
“You saved me. You’re my hero.”
Letting go of her cheeks, I pull back and look her in the eye. “No. I’m not. You have no idea how wrong you are.” Breathing deeply, I speak through an exhale. “What you want me to be…I can’t ever be. It’s not me.” My face turns cold. “I’m the villain in this story.”
The car behind beeps its horn for us to move, but I hold Lexi’s stare. She looks around in confusion as to why we aren’t moving yet. The car beeps some more and my jaw tics. There is a reason for us not moving off yet, and I need her to see me.
See the real me.
This is important. It’s important because she’s stuck with me for life.
And she doesn’t know that yet.
A muffled, “Move it along, ass**le!” sounds from outside. I slowly and deliberately turn my head from side-to-side, cracking my neck. Leaving the engine running, I exit the car. Watching Lexi’s beautiful mouth part in surprise, I tell her sweetly, “Be right back, Angel.”
Walking over to the clearly-angry man, he unwinds his window and sneers, “Move your fancy car to the side of the road. This isn’t a parking spot.”
Looking chastised, I chuckle and lean down to the open window, “I know, but my girlfriend wanted to talk and we were having a moment.” My hand strikes out at lightning speed, clutching his neck. Gasping for air, he claws at my hand. I snigger, “You gotta watch who you open your mouth to, pops. You never know when those words might be your last. You got me?”
The man nods wide-eyed. I let go of his throat and watch him pant. Gesturing to the side of the car, I tell him, “Move around. It’s not hard.”
The man does just that and I walk back to my car. Sitting down, I turn to Lexi and tell her, “That’s why you can’t leave me.”
Her face bunches in confusion once again and I explain, “Baby, that would’ve been much worse if you weren’t here. You make me do things like that…” I motion with my thumb to the back of the car. “…less. You’re good for me. You make it easier.”
Eyes wide in interest, she asks on a whisper, “Make what easier?”
I smile a sad smile. “Life.”
Placing her hand in mine, she says with determination. “I won’t leave you, Twi—” Cutting herself off, she asks hesitantly. “I’d like to know…I mean, only if you want to tell…wh-what’s your name?”
I should tell her. Now. It would make everything else come easier.
But I’m suddenly petrified that it’ll be too much for her and she’ll leave me.
So rather than giving her a mile, I give her an inch. “Tony. My name is Tony.”
A small smile graces her lips. That small smile stretches impossibly. Then she’s beaming at me. “I like it,” she says humbly. “It suits you.”
Driving her home, I grip the steering wheel tightly to stop myself from getting all caveman on her and dragging her by her hair back to my bedroom. Parking by her unit, I ask sly-like, “You want me to come up?”
She laughs, “Um. No. I’ll be fine, Tw—” She smiles. “Tony. I’ll be fine, Tony.”
Putting on my best sad face, I mutter, “What about the awesome make-up sex we’re supposed to have?”
Leaning over the seat, she kisses my lips. “Anticipation will make it all the more awesome.”
Kissing me again and again, I say against her lips, “Okay. No sex.” Another kiss. “Let me eat your pu**y, though.”
Her body shakes against mine in silent laughter. She pulls back. “I’m exiting the car. Don’t follow me. I have a frying pan and I know how to use it.”
Palming my cock, I say dejectedly, “You’re so mean, Angel.”
Still laughing, she shuts the car door, shaking her head. Lifting her hand in a wave, I blow her a small kiss and wonder when it actually happened.
When did I really fall in love with Lexi?
What I used to feel for her, I now see was actually a dangerous and unhealthy obsession. I wanted to hurt her. I don’t want that anymore. I want to make her happy. Because she makes me happy.