The fight ensues.
My hands fist and connect with his muscular arms as I try to escape. My body twists fitfully against his. My struggle is very real. Heart racing, I turn and fight to get away. Wriggling, I manage to face him. His hand regains the end of the belt, and he pulls hard to get my attention. But I don’t still. Instead, I lower my head to his collar and bite. Hard. I bite so hard that he lets out a feral growl through gritted teeth and pushes me into the hallway wall. The back of my head connects with that wall with a dull thud.
The dim light from the kitchen makes enough light to see his silhouette.
Panting, his hand touches the place on his collar that I sunk my teeth into. He brings a finger to his mouth. Licking my lips, I taste metallic rust. I marked him hard enough to draw blood. My gut sinks. Stepping forward, he breathes a hostile, “Oh baby. You f**ked up.”
Stalking towards me threateningly, and as soon as we’re foot-to-foot, I lean up into his face, and spit.
I watch in slow motion as he flinches, clearly not expecting it. Panting, I grunt, “Fuck you, motherfucker.”
The second he touches me, I know this role play borderlines real life. Twitch fumes. I feel the anger coming off of him like electric sparks. Reaching forward, he throws my body down by his side. My palms connect with the floor, knees throbbing. Suddenly, his body covers mine, pushing me into the ground. I struggle and whisper repeatedly, “Please, don’t. Please, don’t.” But Twitch isn’t acting anymore. He’s done with acting.
His arm circles my waist and he lifts me until I’m on all fours, like a dog. His hand reaches down to find my sopping wet core. He groans, moving the material of my thong aside, I feel the head of him meet my entrance. But I fight.
Struggling, I push my body away from him. On his knees behind me, he shuffles forward, but I escape him once more. His hand shoots out and circles my throat, squeezing. The fight in me fades when I realize it’s about to happen. I have nowhere left to go.
Gritting my teeth, my chest heaves and my eyes water. The head of him touches my entrance once more; I feel the balls of his piercing as he runs the head up and down my slit. He pushes in. Just the tip. Lips softly kiss my shoulder blade. “I win.”
My arousal makes light work of him pushing into me, all the way in.
Simultaneously, we cry out in ecstasy.
Placed in a position that demands submission, I know I should be furious, but I’m not. My eyes flutter as he loosens his hold on my throat. I’m ecstatic when he keeps his hand on my neck while he grinds his c**k into me. Seated deeply on him, I sigh silently. It feels amazing. So deep it feels like it’s found a home in my stomach.
No one loses here. We both win.
And yet, I fight still. Struggling weakly, he begins to thrust, and from this angle, my arousal spikes. The balls of his piercing rub all the right spots, and in mere moments, I’m panting, “No. No. No.”
I’m going to come.
Tightening around him, bright light blurs my vision and my entire body trembles with a pleasure high. Tipping my head back, mouth parted in a silent moan, I hear Twitch pant heavily. “That’s it, Angel. Let go. Come on my cock. All over my cock.”
The dam breaks. My face bunches in both pleasure and pain. I convulse around him. Moaning, my head thrashes from side to side in what is the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had in my life. With every pulse of my release, my body warms in complete bliss.
I’m suddenly exhausted.
Holding my throat with a gentle firmness, he pounds into my now limp body. I couldn’t participate even if I wanted to. I’m spent both emotionally and physically. Holding an arm under my belly, he pulls me back into every thrust. A full minute of thrusting like a madman, he groans and holds himself deep inside of me for a long moment before he thrusts again and again. Wet warmth trickles down my thighs. His thrusts slowly. His panting follows suit. He finally stills inside of me.
Standing, he pulls me up and into him.
I feel dirty, used, and abused.
And I’ve never felt better.
So many thoughts rush through my head.
What have I done?
Wrapping my arms around his neck, he lifts me. My legs circle him as he slowly walks me over to my bed. He lays me down and slides in next to me. We don’t bother to clean up. Something needs to be said.
Allowing another minute of awkward silence as we lie side-by-side, I ask quietly, “What just happened?”
Turning to me, I hear the smile in the darkness. “You just got f**ked. Properly f**ked.”
A bubble of hysterical laughter climbs my throat. I can’t hold it down. I chuckle. I feel the bed shake as he silently laughs with me. My throat thickens and my eyes sting. My body shakes for a different reason as I begin to sob.
I don’t like myself right now.
Twitch pulls me into him and cradles my head, placing kisses on my eyes and cheeks. He doesn’t say anything. He knows me enough to know I just need him to hold me right now.
My mind wanders.
This is probably a bad time to mention I haven’t taken the pill in two weeks.
Walking into my unit with a huge smile on my face, I think back on my impromptu sharing session this morning.
Having made an appointment with the office psychologist, Emeline, I squared myself for the fact that I was about to be told that I just wasn’t right. I had been thinking that very same thought all night, so it wasn’t exactly unexpected. I couldn’t sleep. It was eating away at me. So when I walked into her office and sat with her, I expected to be interrogated. I soon realized I was wrong.
Really wrong.
Emmy had made us both a cappuccino on her fancy machine, and we both took a seat on the sofa in her office. The meeting I had dreaded somehow turned into a coffee meet between friends.
She asked, “So, I have to say I’m a little surprised to see you here, Lexi. Is everything okay?”
Well, I begged my drug dealer boyfriend to force f**k me last night. Oh, and I liked it. So, no. Not really.
Wringing my hands together, I looked down at my feet and started, “Well, it’s not really about me. It’s about a friend. I’m worried about her and wanted a professional opinion before I tried to help in a situation that is completely alien to me.”
Lies. All lies.
Nodding, she looked sympathetic when she explained, “Sure. I know it can be hard watching your friends go through things. Humans do not like to feel helpless. It’s a very admirable thing you’re doing.”
Blinking, I swallowed hard and clarified, “She’s a close friend. I know her well, and she’s been through a lot in her life. More recently, she was close to being raped and was saved before her attacker could penetrate her.” Shaking my head, I exhaled, “Sorry. I’m not making much sense here.” Clearing my throat, I tried again, “A few nights ago, she called me devastated. She and her boyfriend had been having sex and things turned a little rough.”