“How do you feel?” How did I feel? On fire. For her.
That moment defined me. For the rest of my life, I would always think back to the moment when I betrayed a person I loved the most. Where I was almost responsible for his death. Where I was responsible… for both of our lives. Because it wasn’t me. It was us. Alone. In that closet. And Nat wasn’t choosing Demetri; she was choosing me. She wanted me. Girls have no idea what that does to a guy, when they finally let us see a part of their soul, when they expose the most private part of their emotions and ask the question, “Will you love me?”
So how did I feel? Really? I felt a lot of things. But I chose the feeling that out-ruled them all.
“Guilty,” I growled just as my mouth pressed against hers. A small gasp escaped between her lips just as my tongue pushed its way into her mouth. My kiss turned aggressive way too fast. Like I hadn’t actually kissed a girl before and was experiencing a first kiss all over again. Everything felt new, exciting, overwhelming. Her taste intoxicated me, made me want things I shouldn’t want. I moaned into her mouth, then took that lower lip captive, the same lip that had been taunting me for weeks.
I kissed her harder; I prodded. And then I pulled back. Wrong. I had been wrong. That wasn’t the kiss to start all kisses — it was the kiss to end them.
It was goodbye.
I stumbled back, my breathing ragged. “Goodbye, Nat.”
Her eyes pooled with tears as I opened the door to the closet, looked up and down the hallway, and fled the scene.
I was officially the brother who had lost it.
Forty-five minutes later I was returning from the parking lot — I’d left my phone in the car to charge and wanted updates on the whole scenario regarding Nat.
Nat. Ugh. Someone run me over with a car, please. I’d even pay someone at this point.
As I got closer to the main doors to the school I saw two figures. One was Nat, the other my brother. He was kissing her — quite aggressively. Which I should have been used to by now, but it still stung.
And then Nat wrapped her arms and body around Demetri like a freaking pretzel.
Right. So that’s how things were going to be.
I kissed her less than an hour ago.
My tongue was in her mouth.
That’s what happens when you let someone go — they latch onto whoever’s close by, who just so happened to be her boyfriend.
To say it was the worst day I’d had in a long time would be a hard-core truth.
“Skipping school?” I interrupted.
“Nat wasn’t feeling well.” Demetri pulled away and shrugged. Hmm, wonder if guilt did that to a person. Ate them alive from the inside out. Oh wait, yes, yes it did.
“I wonder why. She looked fine in your arms a few seconds ago.” I made eye contact with her. Steely brown eyes met my gaze. Yeah, I’d totally just pissed her off.
Cool so maybe she’d run me over with the car. One could only hope.
Instead, I played indifferent. I smirked at them both. “Whatever, I just came outside to grab something from the car. You kids have fun.”
My entire body was shaking as I made my way back into the school. I almost stumbled a few times. Legs like lead, I finally made it to class and stared numbly at the teacher.
I’d officially pushed away the only girl I’d come to really care for.
It would be worth it though — right?
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Demetri
“COME ON.” I unlocked the car and got in.
“How’s Alec going to get home?” Nat asked, staring back at the school like Alec was going to magically come bursting through the doors.
Her kiss was different.
She kissed me hella hard. Not the type of kiss I was used to from her. It wasn’t shy it was — angry.
But the anger? Not directed at me. Otherwise she wouldn’t have gotten in the damn car.
I started the car and sighed. “I left Lloyd with him, he’ll catch a ride. Don’t worry, my brother is very capable of taking care of himself.”
“Right.” She flashed a grin.
“So…” I put the car in reverse. “I have all afternoon and then I need to go to your mom’s for an appointment.”
“Do you guys go every week?” Nat twisted a piece of hair in front of her face and didn’t make eye contact.
“Yup.” I watched her. Watched her and she wasn’t even aware I was watching her. She was… somewhere else.
Her cheeks turned pink. “You and Alec.”
Silence and then, “Of course.”
She huffed and rolled her eyes. “When are you going to trust me?” The car stopped at the stop sign leading out into traffic.
“When I know I can.” I looked into her eyes — guilt was written in every feature on her face. She may as well have a sign on her head that said ‘I’m sorry.’ What the hell happened this afternoon? The way I saw it, we had two choices. I could stick my head in the sand or I could put it all out there and hope that in the end, I was enough for her.
I cursed and pulled the car over to the side of the road. “Wanna tell me right here and right now so we can get this over with?”
“What do you mean?”
I laughed and looked out the window. Wow. She was going to play totally innocent. “I think you know exactly what I mean.”
Her breathing picked up as she looked away and swallowed then pressed her hand to her chest as if she was trying to calm herself down.
I cursed. “My brother is off limits. I don’t share.” Been there. Done that. The toy broke. And my heart was lost in the process.
“And I do?” she blurted. “What about the cheerleader you were making out with at the party?”
I hit the steering wheel and cursed. “I thought you were over that! It was a mistake! Alright? Besides this is different.” And it was different. Girls didn’t understand how guys worked. I don’t even remember the chick’s name. I didn’t care then, don’t care now. It’s possible for us to be just… physically all over someone without having an emotional attachment. That girl meant nothing — while Nat meant everything.
“It’s different how? You want me to trust you? Then you have to trust me!” Her voice shook.
“He’s my brother, Nat. There are things you don’t know. It wouldn’t be the first time a girl had the hots for both of us and went for it, okay?”
“I’m not that kind of girl.”
“You sure?” I snapped, mainly because she was about as unconvincing as a person could get.