Speaking of careers, I grabbed my phone from the nightstand and was rewarded with a low-battery signal. I got up to grab my bag then remembered that I didn't have a bag. The same checked bag that had yet to appear.
My guess was that Grandma was holding it hostage. Or maybe Jake and Travis. Those bastards must have known. And how the hell did the woman have this planned a month ahead of time? A month ago I was saying yes to her scheme with Char and Jake.
A light bulb flickered on in the darkness of my brain.
I'd said yes.
That's where I'd gone wrong. I should have stayed far, far away.
Russia. I should have moved to Russia.
"Beth." I nudged her a bit.
She was lying on her stomach, wearing the outfit from the night before. She stretched, her shirt inching up on her body, exposing her flat stomach and a slight scar where her appendix had obviously been.
She moaned again and lifted her arms high above her head.
The shirt followed.
So did my eyes.
I blinked a few times, fascinated with how smooth her skin looked. I wanted to touch it — to hell with that, I wanted to lick it. Had I licked it the other night?
"Jace.
Her voice was low, sexy as hell, raspy. Shit, I was in trouble.
"What?"
"Do we have to go to couples' therapy?"
"Aw, sweetheart, backing out already? Where's your balls?"
"I don't want balls." She yawned. "I just want a damn charge. I have girl parts. I talk a big game. I use big words. Right now, I want a big-ass coffee and a big sleep."
"Stop saying big."
My body was responding to that word in a very big way, and I was already struggling after watching her yawn and stretch and mew all over the place.
"Fine. Large. I want a large coffee, a large—"
I covered her mouth with my hand. "Let's establish mornings as quiet time. A time of reflection, and thinking, and—"
She bit my damn hand.
"Coffee."
"Bite marks." I showed her my hand.
"Woo me."
She fell back onto the bed in a heap, and I had to admit I liked the bossy attitude. I got up and started fumbling with the Keurig.
The shower turned on.
"I'm so proud!" I yelled without turning around. "You turned it on all by yourself."
And I turned myself on by saying turn on. Damn curse! I gave myself a little shake and placed the cup under the spout.
"Aghhh… mother of—"
Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.
Absolute silence then an ear splintering, "Jace!"
I ran toward the bathroom.
"So big!" Beth yelled.
The shower was one of those walk-in ones, where there was no curtain or door or anything to hide any scratch of your body.
Beth was standing in the corner with a shampoo bottle in her hands, pointing at the opposite corner.
The first thing I noticed was her nakedness, but it was quickly trumped by another shout and a shampoo bottle flying by my head, causing another thump.
"Get him!"
A spider that looked a hell of a lot like a shrunken MMA fighter barreled toward me. Now, I wasn't a fan of spiders. I didn't hate them, but that didn't mean I particularly enjoyed the idea of something hairy sinking its fangs into me. So I did what any logical man would do.
I looked for a gun.
And when I realized I wasn't James Bond nor did I live in a spy novel, I grabbed the next best thing.
The hair dryer.
It wasn't plugged in, but it was big enough for combat. I smashed the hell out of the spider until all that was left were tufts of legs and pieces of hair.
"Did you get him?" Beth came up behind me, shivering.
"Yeah" I wiped my brow with my arm, "it was a battle. Lots of lives lost. Blood shed. But… I got him."
"My hero," she whispered, wrapping her arms around me from behind.
I froze.
Not because she was calling me her hero. Please, I wasn't that narcissistic. It was because she was naked. And she had forgotten about her nakedness at a very fortunate time.
Men everywhere: Applaud. I didn't even react. Not one gasp or shudder. I simply basked.
Basking: Another word for utter stillness when a lady is pressing against you in such an erotic way all you can do is close your eyes and smile. See also: Euphoria.
"I'm naked." Beth released her hold. My body immediately tightened in all the wrong places, and I'm ashamed to admit, I let out a pathetic whine. Or maybe it was a growl, because the next thing I knew, I was turning around and pushing her into the shower, up against the wall, and taking her like a—
Great, so not only had I frozen in a euphoric state, but I had resorted to daydreaming.
"Thanks." I saw movement out of the corner of my eye as Beth leaned back under the shower and closed her eyes.
It was like watching my own personal Pantene Pro-V commercial, only the girl was hotter and available.
But not to me.
Not in reality.
"Are you going to watch me, or are you going to get ready?" Beth said, water dripping from her face.
"Do I get a choice?" I half-pleaded.
"No, but you'll get a knee to your balls if you don't leave in five seconds. The spider's gone, you've saved the world, now take your hammer and go."
"Uh, hammer?"
"Hammer, hair dryer — same thing. Go, Thor. Go get your cape on. We have therapy."
Men. We're easy. No really, we are. She'd basically called me an Avenger, which, in my book, meant I was like two steps ahead of Iron Man, and a hell-of-a-lot better-looking.
I sported a smug grin the entire time I got ready.
****
Thanks to the water-stealing princess, I wasn't able to shower in time. And Doctor Z had specifically said that we needed to be on time. Not wanting to start off therapy on a bad foot, I took one for the team.
"It's only an hour, and then we have what the schedule states as Couple Fun Time by the pool." Beth checked her watch and handed me the map of the place.
I locked the door to our hut and turned the map sideways.
"North," I said, examining the red circle that said Serenity Circle.
"I don't like that name." Beth snorted. "It sounds like a place to get high."
"If they have drugs, just say no." I stuffed the paper into front pocket of my lame-ass linen shirt and grabbed her hand.
"What are you doing?" She tried to pull away.
I held tighter. "What does it look like I'm doing?"
"Holding my hand." She squeezed back, and then a girlish smile appeared, all sense of hostility evaporating instantly.