“Oh Nate.” She used his shortened name for the first time in their acquaintance and flew across the room, throwing herself at him and bursting into tears. “I’m a terrible mother,” she wailed as his arms closed around her, “terrible.”
Nate’s held her more tightly.
“You aren’t a terrible mother,” he murmured.
“I lost the first one, my first baby boy.” She raised her tearful eyes to him. “I promised God if I had any babies, I’d do anything. I’d make them so happy. I’d give them everything they wanted. And look! Look what I created!”
She buried her face in his chest and Nate dropped his cheek to rest on the top of her head.
There was nothing to say to take away her pain, no words which would assuage her guilt. So he offered her none.
Against his chest, she muttered, “I knew it when it was too late. I knew I’d ruined them but there was nothing I could do. Then God gave me a second chance,” she lifted her head, dislodging his and he stared down at her, “you.”
“Laura…” At that, he didn’t know what to say.
“I want to come with you tomorrow.”
Nate knew exactly what he was going to say to that. “Laura, no.”
Her arms squeezed him tightly. “You can’t go there alone. I won’t let you go alone. And I have to face Lily, I have to…” she stopped then immediately started again, “I want to meet my granddaughter.”
Nate shook his head. “Lily isn’t –”
“I know,” she interrupted, her warm eyes beginning to fill with fresh tears, “Victor told me. Nathaniel, she has to know we…” Laura hesitated and then went on, “she has to know she isn’t alone anymore.”
“I don’t think –”
“Please,” she begged, “I have to do something.” She said this last with desperation.
Nate started to relent because he knew that feeling. He felt that feeling himself when he’d heard she’d died while having his child. The child he’d intentionally planted inside her and then left her to bear on her own.
Without thinking, Nate had come out of his chair and his intention had been to pick Lily up and carry her out of the room. Carry her someplace safe where he could spend every ounce of energy, every pound he’d earned, every day of the rest of his life if it was required to bring back her joy, bring back the girl who’d clapped and shouted her delight at a ride on a motorcycle, the girl who’d trusted him so easily with her body and her heart, the girl who’d looked at him with awe.
“Please,” Laura asked, taking him out of his dark thoughts.
Nate used his thumb to wipe away a tear on his mother’s cheek.
“She’s not the same,” he warned.
Her face lit, it wasn’t a glowing light but there was hope.
It was the first hopeful thing he’d seen that day. Perhaps the first hopeful thing he’d seen in eight years.
“You have to be prepared, Laura, she’s not the Lily you knew.” Nate felt it necessary to make certain she understood what she’d be facing the next day.
Laura nodded. “She will be. I know she will. You’ll make it better, Nathaniel. You can sort anything out, I know you can. You’ll sort this out too.”
At her words, he felt an odd stirring in his chest that he ignored.
And he hoped his mother was right.
Chapter Fifteen
Nate
“We’re early, we’re way too early. We’re supposed to be there at ten, it isn’t nine thirty yet.”
Laura Roberts was fretting.
They were walking up the seafront beside the Victorian pier. Nate had driven his Aston Martin, leading, with Laura and Victor in the Rolls following him.
Nate drove on his own. He had too much on his mind; he didn’t want company on the trip to Somerset especially not his parent’s company, not that day.
Laura was in a state and Victor was actually visibly nervous. Victor, Nate found upon arrival at his parent’s home that morning, was coming along as well. This intention was stated in a tone not to be denied.
Nate would have denied his father but he had no desire to waste the precious time to do so. Therefore Victor was along for the ride.
“We left too soon. We should walk on the seafront for half an hour, get a cup of tea. It’s rude to be early, Laura worried, preferring to focus on her rudeness at being early than the fact that she was about to face the woman whose life her two children had all but destroyed.
Nate didn’t care much that they were early nor did he care if it seemed rude. He wanted to meet his daughter and he wanted to see Lily. He’d lost eight years and if Lily’s demeanour the day before was anything to go by he was facing the battle of his life. He was set on starting straight away, he wasn’t about to wait half an hour nor have a cup of f**king tea which he never drank anyway.
They walked by the Royal Pier Hotel and the short street that led to Lily’s terrace was a few paces away. Nate suppressed the urge to lengthen his strides and leave his lagging parents behind.
“What’s that little girl going to think? How did Lily tell her about Nathaniel? How could she tell her? What kind of words can you use for something like that? How is she going to react?” Victor blustered, not expecting a response to any of his rapid fire questions then he finished with the dire prediction, “We’ll have to find a psychologist.”
Victor was beginning to sound like Laura, Nate thought with annoyance.
Then Nate couldn’t think at all for, when they were only two doors down from Lily’s house, he heard, “Daddeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”
Flying toward him, her arms wind-milling wildly, her black hair streaming out behind her, was a beautiful little girl, her face alight with delight, wearing a pretty, sky-blue sundress.
A beautiful little girl that looked exactly like Nate.
Nate stopped dead because she didn’t. She ran headlong into him, her head slamming painfully into his stomach, her arms flying around his h*ps to hold him in a fierce, tight hug.
At her touch, Nate felt something in his chest squeeze uncomfortably as one of his hands settled automatically on the soft, dark hair of her head, the other on her shoulder.
“Oh my God,” Laura breathed.
“Tash! What are you… oh.”
Everyone’s eyes turned to Lily who’d come running out of the house after her daughter. She stopped at the sight of them and her lips stayed parted in surprise.