“No, it’s the opposite, actually. He hasn’t kissed me yet.”
Mike laughed. I could almost see him tilting his head forward, scratching his brow. “How long have you been official?”
“Well, how long were you and Bec official before you guys did more than just kiss?”
“That’s different. I’m an adult and you’re a kid. Did you ever think that that might be his problem? You being under eighteen?” Mike concluded. “How old is this guy, anyway?”
“He’s a little older.” I brushed over that one. “And yes, I did consider the fact that we’re not technically adults.” Well I wasn’t, but David was. “But we are at the legal age of consent here, and he’s a hot-blooded male—and there have been opportunities. I just don’t get it. A kiss can’t hurt, right?”
“Unless you’re a hot-blooded male, Ara,” he said dryly. “A kiss can make you want a lot more, and maybe he just has—” he paused for a second, “—self-knowledge? He might think he won’t wanna stop if you were to ask him to go further. And maybe he’s afraid if he did have the willpower to stop, it might hurt your feelings.” His voice dropped on the end.
“That could have something to do with it. But it makes me feel—” I knew the word, but didn’t want to admit it.
“Undesirable?”
“Yes,” I muttered.
He laughed—a loud, full bellow.
The tightness in my stomach spread to my teeth. “Mike. Stop it. Don’t laugh at me, you know I hate that!”
He stopped instantly. “I’m sorry, Ara, it’s just that…I’ve always thought you were cute. I’m not stupid, I have eyes, and I promise, you are not undesirable.”
“Mike, you can’t say that. You’re my friend.”
“Yes, I’m your friend, which means I can say that.”
I typed pick up Mike on Tuesday in my desktop calendar then went back to iTunes.
“What’re you doing?” Mike asked, sensing my absence, I guess.
“Downloading a song.” I clicked on search.
“A legal download, I hope,” he muttered in his stern ‘cop’ voice.
“Yes,” I hissed, rolling my eyes.
“What song?”
“It’s by this band called Live. You know them, right?”
“Yeah,” Mike scoffed. “Why would you be listening to them, though? It’s a little old for you, isn’t it?”
“Mike, I’m three years your junior. If it’s old for me, it’s old for you.”
Overcome started downloading so I looked up the song David said reminds him of me—the one by Muse. I just had to hear it again. My playlist of David was getting very long.
“So, what song then?” Mike asked after a moment.
“Oh, um, the Live one?”
“Yeah.”
“Overcome.”
“Where’d you hear that one?”
“David likes it. He played it today on his iPhone. Why?”
“You know me, baby; I judge how you’re feeling by your playlist. Don’t you think that song’s a little…?”
“What, depressing?”
“Maybe,” he said reluctantly.
“Mike. Are you worried that I’m suici—”
“No. Ara. Please don’t think that. I just—you normally listen to such happy music. I just thought—”
“Really, I’m fine.” Just tired of people thinking I’m depressed. “I know Vicki and Dad think I’m suicidal and, to be honest, if you all don’t leave me alone, I might have to do something rash just to get you off my back. So, shut it! Okay? I’m fine.”
The line went dead silent. He should’ve been used to my outbursts, but I guess, with all the miles between us, it was harder to just brush it off like normal. “I’m sorry,” he said.
“Good. ‘Cause I’m okay. I have David. My life is about him now. Look—” I exhaled and softened my tone. “I love you, Mike. I know you’re just worried. But it’s really an insult to my character that everyone keeps watching me all the time for the wrong move. I live with a former psychiatrist, for God’s sake. I’ll go crazy soon.” I took a breath and the smell of Vicki’s cooking filled my nostrils. “I need to feel free to make mistakes or listen to depressing music, and I need you to be with me on that.” It was supposed to be an attempt at reason, but unfortunately for Mike, he’d just become victim to two months’ worth of saved-up ranting. “Mike?” His quiet breath revealed his presence. “Mike?”
“You’re not a little girl anymore, Ara,” he concluded softly. “What’s happened these last few months has…well, it’s changed you. A lot. You’ve really had to grow up and…I’m sorry for that.” I rested my hand over my belly button to quiet the flutters his words formed there. “But I’m also really proud of you. I just need to see you again—make sure you’re still my girl.”
“I’ll always be your girl, Mike. You’re my best friend.”
“But you have David now. You won’t be needing me for much longer.”
“Don’t say things like that, Mike.”
“Why? You know it’s true. But it’s okay,” he assured himself. “It’ll just be an adjustment, that’s all—not having you all to myself whenever I wanna talk to you.”
“It was the same for me when you were dating Lyndall. It’s just the way things are. But I’m sure we’ll always be friends.”
“Yeah, I’m sure we will.” After a second, he laughed softly. “I’m really looking forward to seeing you. I can’t wait to pick you up and squeeze you until you can’t breathe.”
“Ha! No way. I’ll totally squeeze you harder.”
“Sure, those skinny spider arms’ll do so much damage.”
“Shut up, Hercules!” I chuckled the words out.
“Miss you.” Mike sighed, his laughter ceasing.
“I know you do.”
The morning greeted me with a light, airy feeling, and the awakening floral scent of frangipanis sent shivers of normality through my chest. I snuck down the stairs and quietly opened the front door, hoping Vicki wouldn’t realise how late I was today. But it wasn’t my fault; ever since I met David, the world was just too good to leave behind for the sake of sleep. So, technically, it was his fault I slept through my alarm this morning.