“Sure,” I bit out and hung up. Screw Jake Fitzsimmons. I tossed my phone onto the bed and stood there with my hands on my hips, feeling edgy and annoyed.
The smell of bacon wafted up the stairs and my stomach rumbled. I hadn’t eaten much in the way of dinner the night before and my belly was letting me know. I headed down into the kitchen. My mom looked up and smiled at me. She looked stunning in her black pencil skirt and grey silk blouse. She had pulled her blonde hair into a neat bun at the base of her neck. My mother looked graceful and perfect. Just like she always did.
But what I loved even more was the way she looked at me with understanding and compassion. She knew how hard this day would be for me. “Come eat, honey. I made banana pancakes, just for you.” She loaded up a plate and brought it over to the table. My dad was drinking his coffee and reading the paper.
“You look lovely,” my mom said, kissing the top of my head. I smiled up at her, picking up a piece of bacon.
“Thanks, Mom,” I replied, grabbing the maple syrup and drenching my pancakes with it. Mom poured herself a cup of coffee and came to sit beside me. She watched me silently as I ate.
“How are you feeling?” she asked as I shoveled food into my mouth. I chewed slowly and thought of how to respond. I had to be careful how I answered. I knew my parents were going to be watching me very closely. They were worried about my seeing Clay again. They had only just started to relax their hyper-vigilant hovering and I didn’t want them to start helicoptering again.
I understood why they were concerned. I’d be coming face to face with the boy who had ripped my heart out and left me a broken mess. They understood my compulsive need to help him. And seeing him in mourning was sure to bring out all of those feelings again.
But that didn’t mean I would act on any of those instincts. I would be there to pay my respects to a woman I had come to love and admire. That was the priority today. Clay was in my past. And while I could offer my condolences, I would leave it at that.
“I’m sad, you know? I hadn’t really talked to Lisa in months, but she was such a wonderful person,” I said honestly. My mom nodded, sipping on her coffee. My dad looked at me over the top of the newspaper, his brows furrowed.
“I’m not sure going to Ruby’s house afterwards is the best idea. We’ll go to the funeral and then I think we should head home,” my father said. I stopped chewing and dropped my fork onto my plate.
“Dad, of course we should go to Ruby’s. It would be rude not to,” I argued. Honestly, I was terrified at the prospect of walking into Ruby’s house again. But I needed to go. It seemed irrationally important that I be there.
“I’m sure there will be enough people there, we won’t be missed. I just think it would be uncomfortable. And that’s the last thing Ruby needs today,” my dad said, closing the newspaper and setting it down on the table.
“Uncomfortable for who, Dad? Is this about Ruby or more about you?” I asked sharply.
My dad’s face flushed and I instantly regretted snapping at him. Time to try a different approach.
“Please, Dad. I need to be there for Ruby,” I pleaded. My mom watched me closely.
“And Clay?” she asked casually. Too casually.
I took a deep breath. “Of course, Clay too. But today is about Lisa. Nothing else,” I hurried on. My parents shared a look but didn’t say anything else. I ate the rest of my breakfast in a thick silence. The bacon and pancakes sitting like lead in my stomach.
It was eleven by the time I finished. I got up to rinse my dishes in the sink. My parents each gave me a kiss before heading out to run some errands before the funeral. They hadn’t brought up going to Ruby’s house again and I still wasn’t sure whether I would be permitted to go or not. But I knew if they nixed the idea, I couldn’t argue. I wouldn’t go down that road again, defying my parents for Clay.
Rachel and Daniel showed up around noon and I was thankful for the distraction. Rachel looked pretty in her black, knee length dress. Daniel cleaned up nicely in a grey suit and dark blue tie. He was letting his blonde hair grow out and it fell in curls over his forehead.
They came in and we made our way up to my room. “So, I heard from Jake that you cancelled our plans for tonight,” Daniel commented, taking his jacket off and laying it over my desk chair.
“We’re not going out tonight?” Rachel asked, looking at me in surprise. I clenched my teeth together.
“I just didn’t think I’d be up to it after this afternoon, alright?” I said defensively, sitting down on the edge of my bed, careful not to crease my skirt. Rachel and Daniel looked at one another and I could interpret all too well their silent communication.
“Mags, come on, I think it will be good for you to get out tonight,” Daniel said gently, moving clothes off of my vanity stool so Rachel could sit down. I sighed, really hoping that they would just let it drop. But seeing the firm set of Danny’s jaw, I knew they wouldn’t.
“Is this about Jake? Because I only agreed to go with him because he sort of wore me down. I don’t really like him like that…” I started and Danny shook his head.
“This has absolutely nothing to do with Jake and absolutely f**king everything to do with Clay,” he bit out angrily. Whoa, where was this coming from?
“Danny,” Rachel warned quietly. I looked between the two of them, getting frustrated by their complete lack of faith in me.
“Look you two, stop freaking out about this. I will tell you the same thing I told my parents, it’s a funeral. I will be going to pay my respects to Lisa. Who happens to be someone I had come to care a lot about. Stop making this all about Clay, it’s ridiculous and more than a little disrespectful,” I scolded them.
Rachel had the decency to look contrite. Daniel on the other hand simply stared back at me belligerently. “Don’t act like seeing Clay won’t f**k with your head, Mags. You forget it was Rachel and I who sat here day after day while you totally fell apart over that guy. I feel bad for him. I know this is hard on him. But I wish like hell he wasn’t here. Because I’m worried what this will do to you.” I bit my tongue on the hateful comment that wanted to fly out of my mouth.
“Jeeze, give me a little credit here. You’re making me feel really pathetic,” I mumbled. Rachel shot a dark look at her boyfriend before turning to me.
“We don’t mean to make you feel that way. And what Daniel was so ineloquently trying to say, was that we’re just worried.” I threw my hands up in the air in frustration.