I moved forward, until our chests were almost touching. I looked up into his face; his right cheek splotched an angry red. I reached up and ran my fingers along the length of the mark. “You are not a loser, Garrett. You’re everything…everything that I want. I’m sorry that I ever made you question what I felt for you or what you should feel about yourself. I never want to make you feel that way again,” I promised, meaning every single world.
Garrett flinched against my hand, as though afraid for me to touch him. “I wish I could believe you. But I’ve heard this before. I’m not a guy that likes to put myself out there over and over again just to be stomped on. Riley, I can admit that you didn’t just hurt me. You shredded me. My heart that could only bend has definitely been broken. I thought to myself, here is this girl who can get me. Who, even though I’m nowhere good enough for her, might take a chance on a guy like me. And that maybe finally, I could have a future that means something. I can’t do this if you’re going to break me, Ri,” his voice dropped into a whisper and I was having a hard time breathing around the gigantic lump that had firmly lodged itself into my throat.
“I didn’t want to talk to you thinking I could persuade you to forgive me. To get you to take a chance on me after the way I’ve been. I just wanted you to hear, from me, that I’m sorry. You have an amazing heart and one day, you’ll give it away to a girl who deserves it,” I choked on my words and dropped my hand from his face.
Turning away, I planned to make my grand exit. You know, try to keep some shred of dignity.
“I’ve already given it away to the most beautiful girl I could ever meet. I just hope like hell she doesn’t give it back,” he said, his hand pressing into my back, just between my shoulder blades. I could feel the warmth of his skin through my shirt and I closed my eyes as the sensation became overwhelming.
I forgot about our crappy timing. I forgot about the thousands of ways I had sabotaged this moment. I forgot about Gracie, who was barely talking to me.
All I could think…all I could feel…was this. His hand on me in such an innocent yet extremely intimate way. His words rang in my ears and I knew I couldn’t fight them.
Not anymore.
Turning to face him, our eyes met and in one seamless movement, we fell together. His arms going around my waist, my hands tangling in his hair. And his mouth pressed against mine like a song. Look here folks, Riley Walker the freaking poet.
But Garrett Bellows brought out my inner Byron. I wanted to blather on idiotically about the softness of his lips and the taste of his tongue. I wanted to profess ridiculous amounts of hyperboles over the color of his eyes and the smell of his skin.
Garrett Bellows short-circuited the more reasonable parts of my brain. And I now knew that wasn’t such a bad thing.
I needed less concrete and more what ifs in my life. Reason will only get you so far.
The heart needed to believe in things that didn’t necessarily make sense.
And Garrett Bellows and Riley Walker most certainly did not make sense.
But that didn’t mean it wasn’t right.
I opened my mouth under his and felt his tongue slip between my lips. I sighed like a lovesick fool as he devoured me. His hands came up to cup my face as he kissed me an intensity that both frightened and melted me.
“What about that jackass sniffing around your skirt? Your ex?” Garrett asked pulling away slightly to look down at me, his hands still holding my face. His lips were swollen and leaned up to run my tongue along the crease. Garrett’s eyes closed and he groaned deep in his throat.
“He’s such a non issue. Don’t even mention him,” I replied tersely, pulling his mouth back down to mine with enough force to bang our teeth together. We both laughed at my exuberance but continued to kiss each other like two kids exploring each other for the first time.
My eyes popped open. What about Gracie? How could I have forgotten about Gracie?
“Garrett, hang on a sec,” I put my finger to his lips, stilling him. His eyes were clouded with desire and I had to resist the overwhelming urge to dissolve into him again.
“What about Gracie? She may not like this,” I said, indicating the space between us.
Garrett looked legitimately confused, which in turn confused me even more.
“Why would Gracie care?” he asked. God, men were so clueless sometimes.
“Probably because she’s been wanting to get in your pants for months now. She’s already angry with me. I don’t want to hurt her,” I said, feeling a sudden wash of misery. So much for finally letting my heart do the talking. What was the point when I would never willingly hurt Gracie like that again?
Garrett’s fingers combed through my hair until they laced at the nape of my neck. He touched his forehead to mine our noses brushing against each other. “Gracie is a confused, bitter and extremely sick girl. She doesn’t want me anymore than I want her,” he said with conviction.
His words bewildered me. “What do you mean? She’s always talking about wanting to hook up with you,” I said, backing away slightly.
Garrett shook his head, looking suddenly irritated. “It’s not like that between Gracie and me. I’m just…helping her out. Or at least trying to. Trust me, she does not feel that way about me. She’s just very confused right now. She’s all over the place.” He pulled me back against him and kissed me soundly.
“Your loyalty is one of the things I love about you. But in this case it’s not needed. Though she will need you. More than she realizes,” he said cryptically.
“What are you talking about? You act as though Gracie has cancer. Is something wrong with her?” I asked, feeling the twinges of worry overtake the lust that had so recently flooded my brain.
Garrett wrapped my hands between his and cradled them to his chest. “Gracie has a serious substance abuse problem. Maysie, Vivian, and I have been trying to get her to go get help for a while now. She’s spiraling fast. I’ve been there, I know what it looks like to fall off the edge and Gracie is really close, Ri,” he said and I felt like even more of an ass.
“I knew she was drinking and partying too much. I thought Vivian had contacted her sister and they were handling it,” I said stupidly, realizing that so much was going on while I was completely oblivious.
“Yeah, that didn’t go so well. And she’s been getting steadily worse. After you and I fought before I left Maryland, I realized you were right about my partying. Sure I wasn’t where I used to be, but it wouldn’t take much for me to find myself right back on the edge. And then I saw Gracie and I saw in her the person I used to be. The person I was afraid I would become again. So I stopped. All of it. The smoking, the drinking. I haven’t had a joint or a beer since Maryland. I started going to AA meetings. I tried taking Gracie with me a few times but it didn’t pan out. She’s in serious denial right now. It sucks watching someone you care about lose it like that,” Garrett’s tone implied he felt his own guilt.