I had stopped to talk to a few people in my English class, waiting for the mad rush out of the parking lot to die down before I headed to my car.
Finally it was clear, and I walked out of the school by way of the side entrance that led past the football field. It was a bright, sunny day, so I slid my sunglasses down over my eyes.
I hurried underneath the bleachers, which served as a shortcut to the parking lot.
I heard a coughing, then a laugh I recognized all too well.
I veered back the way I came, curving around until I was approaching a pocket of bleachers tucked into the side of the building. It was dark back there, and it was a place the stoner kids liked to congregate between classes. You could smoke a joint or snort a line without getting busted. You would think the teachers would have gotten wind of the druggie hidey-hole by now, but it remained a safe place to engage in all kinds of nefarious behavior.
“I want another,” I heard my baby sister demand, followed by the throaty chuckle of a guy who was clearly very pleased with himself.
“You know what I want first, Jay.”
I peeked my head around a steel beam to see a small group of kids seated on the ground beneath the bleachers. A few were smoking cigarettes. One guy had a pipe and a lighter. A girl looked passed-out beside him, her head in his lap.
But that’s not what caught my attention. Blake, my sister’s loser boyfriend, dangled a baggie in front of Jayme. She laughed and tried to grab it from him. He pulled it just out of reach, making it a game.
For a second they looked like any other couple goofing around. How I wished that was all they were. But watching them, I knew a lot more was going on.
“I’m not doing that here. In front of everybody,” Jayme said, casting a nervous look at her friends.
She was such a pretty girl, finally growing into her body. Her acne had begun to clear up, and she had lost a lot of the baby fat that had clung to her frame until recently, much to the detriment of her self-esteem.
“I don’t care, Jay-Jay. You know what you have to do if you want any more. You’re a greedy girl,” Blake taunted, and there was something in his tone that made my skin crawl. I hated that guy. I hated how he treated Jayme. I hated how she defended him even when it was obvious what a jerk he was. Most of all, I hated that he was introducing my naïve sister to a world she should never have to know, one that I didn’t know at the time would ultimately kill her.
Blake unbuckled his belt and pointed at his crotch. “No one sucks my dick like you do, baby,” he crooned, as if that should be a compliment. No way would Jayme fall for that sleazy line of bullshit. I could tell she was uncomfortable.
So it was with complete and total shock that I saw her drop to her knees in front of him, her dress filthy from the dirt she took no notice of. She tilted her head up and opened her mouth. Blake laughed, knowing he was getting his way. He opened the bag and dropped two pills onto Jayme’s tongue.
Then her hands were on his zipper, pulling it down, and Blake’s hand went around to the back of her head, pushing her forward.
I looked away then, feeling sick. I stumbled away from the scene without intervening. I hadn’t done a thing to stop my sister’s degradation. I had walked away, wanting to forget I had seen anything at all.
And I never spoke to Jayme about it. I never offered any sisterly advice, explaining that no guy would ever respect her if she didn’t have any respect for herself. I should have said those things to her.
But I never thought to until it was too late to say anything at all.
I left the disturbing scene behind me and hurried home, taking a shower and going out with my friends, trying to pretend I hadn’t seen my sister barter a blow job for drugs from her shithead boyfriend.
And I spent years trying to forget that I had done nothing when it had mattered most.
Looking at Maxx, I could only see Jayme and Blake and the sick, twisted joy on both of their faces as they got exactly what they wanted in the worst way possible.
I felt a flash of hatred so strong it took my breath away. It was at war with the love I felt just as strongly for the f**ked-up man making a living by selling the shit that had killed my sister.
How could I love someone like that? How could I have become so enamored that I overlooked the fact that he stood for everything I should run far, far away from?
It was too much.
I couldn’t handle it.
I pulled my phone out and called a cab.
Without a word to Maxx, I left.
I didn’t want to see him. He terrified and disgusted me in equal measure.
Yet I loved him deeply all the same. And the love won out. My heart betrayed me again.
I told the cabdriver to take me back to Maxx’s apartment.
I was such an idiot.
Feelings sucked.
Chapter twenty-seven
maxx
aubrey had left. One minute I was high as a kite, the next I was freaking the f**k out. I started looking for her in the crowd but couldn’t find her. I searched for her red dress and blond hair. She should have been easy to spot. She was the most beautiful thing in the room.
I soon became frantic.
Because she was gone.
“Where’s Aubrey?” I barked at Eric, grabbing his arm from across the bar.
Eric startled and tried to pull away from me. “Who?” he asked, his eyes darting around nervously. The buzzing in my head kicked into overdrive. The drugs hummed in my bloodstream, making me want to rage and tear shit apart.
I squeezed Eric’s arm hard enough to crunch bone. “My f**king girl! Where is she?” I demanded, my vision becoming tinted with red the angrier I became.
“I don’t know, man. I haven’t seen her in a while. I swear!” Eric stammered. I lunged across the counter and grabbed hold of his shirt, wrenching him closer until I was within spitting distance.
“If you’re f**king lying to me, I’ll break your face,” I seethed, baring my teeth in warning.
Eric squirmed in my grasp. “I’m not, X! I swear it! I haven’t seen her!”
I released Eric’s shirt and backed away. I pulled my cap off and ran a hand through my hair. Shit. She was gone.
My drugged-out brain was going into meltdown mode. I couldn’t think about the situation rationally. I should never have gotten high when she was there and could see everything. And now she was missing, and I needed to find her before I lost my mind.
Soon I had completely lost touch with reality. I was smashing beer bottles, throwing bar stools, shoving people in my rampage.
“Aubrey!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. Everyone was giving me a wide berth as I destroyed everything around me.