I grunted and rubbed my hands over my hair that seemed to be getting longer by the minute. I was tempted to shave the mohawk back but for whatever reason in my head Shaw shouldn’t be with a guy rocking hair like that so I was keeping it normal and natural even though she told me on a regular basis how much she missed the hawk.
“Shaw and I are fine so don’t worry about it, as for mom, well there’s nothing I can really do to help you with that. Promise me that you’re going to be safe. No more driving over bombs.”
“That wasn’t in the plan the first time. Look I’m going to tell mom and dad, you know they’re going to want to do something since no one knows when I’ll be back or what condition I’m going to be in.”
“Rome I can’t go through that with mom again.”
“I’ll tell dad to set something up at a restaurant or something. I’ll make sure he knows it has to be a family event which means you will be there and so will Shaw. I’m not asking little brother I’m telling you. I’m about to go back to the desert for who knows how long and I deserve a good family memory to take with me. Everyone can just suck it up for one night, I deserve that.”
“You saw how well it went last time and that wasn’t even with me provoking her.”
He sighed and pushed to his feet. “Do this for me Rule, please.”
I didn’t want to, not when things with Shaw were weird and not after my mom had made her feelings about me so clear, but there wasn’t much I would deny my brother and there was nothing I wouldn’t do for him when he asked me to please do it. I growled a lot of really dirty words and let my head fall backwards.
“Let me know when and where. I’ll tell Shaw but you can’t get pissed and go back to the war all mad if mom does what she tends to do and makes it ugly.”
“I don’t understand why we can’t all just be a goddamn family for once. I really don’t feel like that’s too much to ask.”
“You’re right, it’s not and I will do my part. Okay?”
“Thanks bro, you’re only half as bad as everyone thinks.”
“Shut up.” I laughed and went back to my drawing. “Just so you know I’m going to miss having your bossy ass around.”
He walked over to me and put me in a head lock. I struggled in vain trying to get loose but he was just too big and easily manhandled me.
“I’m going to miss your smart mouth and shitty attitude as well. Though this hair you have going on is stupid and not at all you so I won’t miss that one bit.” He finally released me when I got a solid fist into his ribs. He let me go with a grunt and I pushed the nondescript locks out of my face.
“You’re just worried that when I have normal looking hair that people will start to realize I’m so much better looking than you.”
He lunged for me again and we wrestled around for a little bit like we used to do when we were kids, only now Rome was giant and had a solid fifty pounds on me so it wasn’t much of a fight. He left with a promise to call and order something for dinner and it gave me a small measure of satisfaction to notice he was rubbing his ribs on his way out.
I pulled my phone at and stared at the screen. I hated that I was struggling with what I wanted to say to Shaw, that I was worrying over what words to use. I was so used to just saying and doing whatever I wanted that this controlled and locked down version of myself was getting old before it even started. I wrote out a quick message:
- Rome just got his medical release. He’s going back to the desert on Monday.
I figured since she was working that she wouldn’t respond right away plus it wasn’t like we had been engaging in any kind of deep philosophical conversations as of late.
- Oh no! Are you okay?
I’d already lost one brother so the idea that my remaining one had a job that constantly placed him in jeopardy most definitely meant I was not okay, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it. Rome’s sense of duty was part of what made him who he was and I respected it and respected him far too much to let my feelings cloud any of the fleeting time we spent together.
- I’ve been better but he seems okay with it so what else is there to do?
- Do you need me to come over after work?
- I thought you had homework.
- I do but if you need me it can wait.
I did need her. I wanted to hold her and love all up on her but not because she was feeling sorry for me but because she wanted to be with me too. I glared at the phone and at how complicated things seemed to have turned overnight.
- Naw I’m straight, but he wants to do a family dinner with EVERYBODY before he leaves. He’s going to have dad set it up.
- How’s that going to work with things between you and Margot?
- Not just me, you’re coming too.
- I’m not worried about me.
- Rome seems to think that since he’s shipping back out she’ll behave if he asks her to but I have my doubts. He thinks if we do it some place public she’ll behave.
- It’s so sad you guys even have to worry about that in the first place.
- Not the only one with family problems Casper.
- No you’re not.
- Have a good night.
There was a long pause and I didn’t think she was going to say anything back but after about five minutes my phone beeped with a new message.
- I miss you Rule.
I didn’t know what to say to that because I wasn’t the one pulling away for once and I was right here so I just clicked the screen back off and went back to my drawing.
The next night I was the one blowing off spending time with Shaw because I decided it was a great idea to take Rome out and at least attempt to get him laid before he went back overseas only I ended up face down in a fifth of Crown and seeing double so I’m pretty sure I failed and ended up being the worse wingman ever. Rome and Nash dropped me on the bed after practically carrying me home and it wasn’t until well after eleven the next morning when I was attempting to shower and fake being human enough to show for work that I noticed I had three missed calls and five missed messages from Shaw. They were all variations on the same thing, where are you, what are you doing, why aren’t you answering, should I come by, are you going to come by? They all made me cringe and swear. I felt guilty as hell because had things not been so strained between us I would have just called her before I left or asked her to come with, but last night I had enjoyed just being my normal self and not putting any effort into being anybody’s perfect anything.