I’ve been faking smiles and saying, “I’m great,” a lot lately.
“I didn’t know Carrick and the mega bitch were coming tonight.” She grimaces.
That’s brings me around to face her. “It’s not your fault they’re here. And I didn’t know they were coming either. But it’s not a big deal.” I lift my shoulders in a way that says I don’t care—when we both know I really do. “I’m fine about it.” I turn back to the mirror to finish applying my gloss. “I’m over the whole Carrick-and-Sienna thing anyway.” I press my lips together, making a smacking sound. Then, I fasten my tube of gloss up and drop it in my clutch.
“Sure you are.” She gives me a disbelieving look. “This is me you’re talking to, Andi, not Ben. You don’t have to bullshit me. If you don’t want to spend the night around Carrick and the mega bitch, then we can go somewhere else, no problem. Today has been a tough day for you, and I’m not having the good mood we’ve got you in ruined by that talentless, humongous pain in the arse.”
I snort out a laugh at her candid description of Sienna.
Yesterday, I did succumb, out of morbid curiosity, and listened to one of the most recent songs by The Diamond Babes. Not my thing, but I can see why they’re popular. The main singer is really talented. That being said, Sienna is definitely only there to make up the pretty numbers. Petra insisted on playing me some of their live stuff—you know, just to torture me. It’s fair to say that Sienna can’t sing a note, and that’s not me being a bitch. She really can’t.
“Okay…” I concede on a breath. “But I am fine to stay, I promise. I need to get over my stupid crush or whatever it is that I have going on for Carrick, and the way for that to happen is for me to be around him and her.”
She stares at me for a long moment, her head tilted to the side.
“What?” I shift, uncomfortable.
“It’s not just a crush, is it?”
“What?” I give a nervous laugh. “Of course it is. What else would it be?”
“Love? If not love, then it’s definitely well on its way to being that.”
“I am not in love with Carrick!” I scoff.
Am I?
No…definitely not.
Her hands go to her hips. “Andi, I might not have known you for a long time, but I’m good at reading people, and you might not even realize it yourself, but you’re in love with him.”
I laugh loudly because I really don’t know what else to do.
I’m not in love with Carrick. Definitely not.
I pick up my clutch, tucking it under my arm, as I’m gearing to leave the restroom and put a quick stop to this conversation.
“If Carrick wasn’t a driver, would you be with him?”
I’m jolted back to that moment in Barcelona, dancing with Carrick at the party, when he asked me pretty much the same question, only in a different context.
Sighing, I lean my hip against the sink. “Maybe.”
She mirrors me. “I think it’s a definite yes.”
“Are you a psychic nowadays?” I smile so not to come off as bitchy.
But she doesn’t say anything.
A somber sigh escapes me. “Okay, fine. Yes, maybe I would risk being with Carrick if he were just a normal guy. But he’s not a normal guy. He puts his life at risk every time he climbs in that car and pulls onto those tracks. And that’s not something I can live with. But really, all of this is a moot point because Carrick is a driver, and he’s not exactly into me in that way. Sure, he wanted to shag me, and I think he probably would again, given the chance, if he weren’t with Sienna, but he is, and he definitely doesn’t want a relationship with me.”
“Oh my God!” She throws her hands up in the air. “Andi, I adore you. I do. But you are the most deluded person I have ever met.”
“Thanks!”
“Seriously, if you went out there and told Carrick to dump the mega bitch and be with you, he would in a heartbeat. A fucking heartbeat. How do you not see that?”
Turning to the mirror, I curl my fingers around the edge of the sink as I try to control my emotions. I look up at her in the mirror.
“Because if he did care about me, then he wouldn’t be here with Sienna. That’s not what you do when you care about someone. And it’s definitely not how you show someone that you care.” I bite off the last word.
“You blew him off, Andi! And Carrick is a man who isn’t used to being blown off. You seriously injured his pride, and this is his way of retaliating. I’m not saying it’s right, but it’s obvious that’s why he brought her here. He’s out there with Sienna, trying to show you that he doesn’t care when it’s as clear as glass that he does.”
Is that true? Is that why Carrick brought Sienna here?
No. And to think it would only be pure vanity on my part. I’m not that important to him.
“I don’t think so, and even if he did bring her here for that reason, it doesn’t matter because—”
“He’s a driver, and you can’t be with him! I got the memo on that one. I just…” She lets out a wistful sigh. “You guys would be amazing together. I just wish you could see that.” Turning to pick her clutch from the counter, she finishes with, “I just wish things were different for you, is all. You deserve to be happy.”
I wish for that, too.
“As do you.” I put my arm around her, giving her a half hug.
“You know what you need to do? Shake it off, like Taylor Swift is always telling us to do. Shake off all the Carrick-and-Sienna crap. It’ll make you feel a million times better.”