She had been a weak fool to let him persuade her into tonight's meeting. It would not matter what important thing he had to tell her, there was no way she wanted to resume a relationship with him. If he cared so much about her, he should have contacted her before giving that statement to Hal's lawyers. He had to have known what it meant to her, and he surely knew she would not want to lose David. She did not expect him to perjure himself, but he need not have given that statement, without even warning her! He had no consideration for her feelings at all.
Karen stared down at the packet of pasta she had picked up from the supermarket shelf. Here she was buying food to make Barry an Italian meal because he liked Italian food, so she was automatically going out of her way to please him, just as she always had. She shook her head but dropped the packet into her shopping trolley. Old habits died hard. Besides, it was easy enough to cook lasagne.
When Karen collected David from the next-door neighbour who had kindly consented to mind him for the morning, she had to face a number of good-natured questions. David had been talking about his weekend with 'Daddy'. David adored 'Daddy'. Karen backed off as politely as she could, giving a few vague answers before hurrying David away, but there was no escape from David. He raved on about 'Daddy' for the rest of the day, giving Karen no peace from thoughts of Hal. The only relief came when she put David to bed, and then there was only Half an hour left before Barry was due to arrive.
Her head was whirling with her dilemma. She was in no mood to cope with a visit from her ex-husband. Barry hadn't wanted David, but Hal did. But Karen didn't want either man. She just wanted to be left alone with the little boy she had mothered since he had been born.
Barry presented himself with a bottle of champagne, as if the occasion was something to celebrate. Karen's heart sank even further. There was no cause for her to celebrate. She led him into the living room, provided the necessary glasses and watched him with jaundiced eyes as he opened the bottle. Maybe it was the problem of David weighing on her mind, but she found that she felt nothing for the man to whom she had been married for so long, which seemed wrong. There shoud have been something from the years they had spent together.
He looked good, yet she could not even feel attracted to him any more. He was dressed to impress in a well-tailored brown suit and a cream silk shirt. There were streaks of grey in his curly brown hair which had not been there two years ago but they added to his air of confident maturity. He was as tall as Hal and his physique was more solid, yet he did not impart the same innate strength. There seemed almost a soft self-indulgence in the fleshier face. But at least there was warmth in the blue eyes as Barry passed her a glass brimming with champagne.
'You look great, Karen,' he said with fervour.
A ripple of guilt for her lack of fervour forced a responsive smile. 'You look in fine fettle yourself, Barry. Tell me what you've been doing over the last two years.'
He told her all through dinner. He was so full of his doings, he didn't get around to asking about hers. Karen thanked him for the compliments he gave her and fed him more questions, but there was only one question pounding through her mind, and finally she could not hold it in any longer. He hadn't asked her about David; he had not even mentioned David. But David was the only issue that Karen could think about.
'Why did you sign that statement for Hal Chissolm's lawyers, Barry?' she asked bluntly.
He frowned and looked uncomfortable. 'Because it was the truth, Karen. We both know that.'
Yes, they both knew that, but Barry's lack of consideration for her still grated. 'You didn't have to lie. You could have remained silent. Don't you realise they're trying to take David away from me?'
'Karen .. .' he reached over and took her hand, his mouth curved into a persuasive smile, ' ... forget David for a moment. I want to talk about us. I've got good news to tell you.'
Her inner anxiety was too great to put aside. She had listened and listened to Barry for well over an hour. She needed him to listen to her. 'I can't forget David, Barry. Didn't you hear what I said? They're going to take him away from me.'
'Dammit, Karen, the boy should be with his natural father anyway! He came between us before, breaking up our marriage. It's better if he goes. It'd give us a clean start again.'
Karen stared at him, too appalled to speak. How could she have ever thought that she had loved this man? He had no feelings, no sensitivities beyond himself. He had left her with a child that he had agreed to adopt. She had lived for and loved that child for three years without any support from him, and now he expected her to dismiss David -as though it should mean nothing to her.
'Just listen, Karen,' he insisted, dropping his voice to earnest entreaty. 'I can have children now. There's a new technique of sperm concentration. It will involve you in a laparotomy but I know you won't mind that. We can have children of our own, Karen. There's never really been anyone else for me, no one I would want as my wife. I want us to get married again, Karen, have the life together that we planned in the first place.'
'But you want me to give David up,' she whispered, hardly able to believe that he could ask her to wash her hands of a child whom she loved.
'Don't you see, Karen? We'll have children of our own,' he repeated eagerly. 'It's what we always wanted, dreamed of and planned for. I know I shouldn't have left you, but the love you showered on David made me so jealous of what we couldn't have that I couldn't stand it. It was tearing me apart--I had to leave. You must forgive me for that, Karen.'
Tearing him apart. Yes, she could see that now.
His inability to accept another man's son was part and parcel of his character. And for her to love any child but Barry's would, always be unacceptable. 'There's nothing to forgive, Barry,' she said flatly. 'I guess it wasn't all your fault. I didn't love you enough to understand what was happening to you. So I was selfish as well as you.'
He squeezed her hand in happy relief. 'You weren't selfish, Karen--you were never that. Let me court you again. We'll enjoy ourselves, pick up the threads of our life, and things will be better than they ever were before. And when you're ready, we'll get married again.'
On his terms. It would never be any other way. Barry was blind to any feelings but his own. Karen withdrew her hand and struggled to answer him kindly. 'I'm very pleased for your sake, Barry, to hear your good news--I really am. But I can't marry you again.' '
He was puzzled. 'But you said you've forgiven me.' She heaved a sigh and looked at him with bleak eyes.
'It has nothing to do with the past, Barry. I simply can't share your future.'
'Why not?' he demanded almost truculently.