Not expecting this, or the depths of emotion behind it, a noise came from her nose as the tears spilled over her eyes, but Luci said nothing.
“But I would pine,” he whispered and made another sudden movement. So sudden, she jumped as his hands caught her on both sides of her head, pressing in, and his eyes were all she could see. “If I lost you, I would pine. I would drink myself stupid, trying not to feel. I’d waste every second, every breath of my useless life if you were no longer in it. I’d be pissed, at God, at man, at the sun, at every-fucking-thing, that you were taken from me, and I’d never get over it. I would pine, Luci. There would not be another for me.”
And as sudden as his movements, Luci was understanding.
Understanding all the reasons he tried to push her away.
Understanding just how deeply Hap Cunningham was in love with her.
And understanding, the man he thought he was, why he feared that and why he wanted to protect her from it.
She lifted her hands and caught his wrists, holding tight, begging, “Don’t say that, Hap.”
“It’s true. I knew it the minute you leaned into me that first time you kissed me. A room lights up when you walk in it. A shit day becomes golden the second you smile. I tasted you on my tongue and I was lost forever.”
And there was that look that she’d never fully comprehended explained.
That was the most beautiful thing she’d ever heard in . . .
Her . . .
Life.
But . . .
Still.
Fat, wet drop after fat, wet drop slid down her cheeks as she moved her hands to hold his head like he was holding hers, pressing in, and she hissed, “Don’t say that, Happy.”
“It’s true, baby. I get I need to share your heart with him and I’m okay with that. But you’re the only one who will ever have mine.”
A sob burst from her throat as she pleaded, “Please, please, life is so unkind. Don’t say that, darling.”
“You gotta know.”
“I’d want you to be happy.”
“That would never happen.”
Brokenly, she beseeched, “Please don’t say that to me.”
His thumbs slid through the wet on her cheeks, and he whispered, “You gotta know.” He angled his head, touched his mouth to hers with his eyes wide open, staring into hers, and again repeated, “You gotta know.”
Luci closed her eyes and more wet was forced out, coursing down her cheeks.
And then she tipped her head back and Hap’s lips were on hers, his tongue gliding in her mouth.
She arched her body into his, doing this completely, giving him her weight, and his arm moved around her shoulder blades, his other swept down her back, her bottom, to her thighs. He lifted her up, swinging her lower half to his side, and carried her to the bed, all the while kissing her gently, but deeply.
On the bed, after all that emotion, she thought it’d go fast. Hungry. Frenzied.
But Hap didn’t let it.
He drank from her mouth and roved his hands over her body, taking his time. Even when he rolled over her and pulled her sweater over her head, it was tender and sweet. His mouth then on her neck, his fingers unbuttoning the shirt she wore under her sweater, his lips tracing the path he opened.
He gently tugged the shirt over her shoulders and Luci helped him take it off. Even if his work was languid, she felt the pulse of promise and tried to quicken his pace, but she got distracted when his mouth closed on her nipple over her bra.
She arced into the touch, the feel.
Then she gave herself over to it. His hands light and restful and beautiful slowly warming her to a soothing, exquisite heat.
Her bra was gone and she had no idea when he’d taken it off when he got up on his knees, straddling her thighs.
She started to push up, watching him tug his sweater and tee over his head.
Once it was gone, his wide, muscled chest exposed to her, he looked down at her and ordered quietly, “Lie back. Arms over your head.”
“I wish to touch you.”
He put a hand to her chest and gently pushed her back, commanding, “Do as you’re told, baby.”
She did, because his command was exciting. She did, because that was what Hap wanted. And the instant she did, his fingers went to the button of her jeans. He undid them and slid them down, taking her panties with them, pulling off her boots and socks at the bottom.
She then fought squirming or preening as his eyes roamed her naked body. This battle proved harder when his hands did the same, leisurely. And it was nearly impossible when he added his mouth, those lips, his tongue.
“Hap,’ she breathed.
He took his time opening her thighs, and she watched as he dipped his head and felt as he lapped at her between her legs.
“Hap,” she whimpered, eyes rolling back, moving her arm to cup his head and hold him to her.
He lifted up and kissed the strip of curls between her legs.
She looked down, and he whispered, “Arms over your head, Luci, keep them there, honey.”
She stared into his eyes and what he was doing, what she was feeling, what was happening suddenly dawned on her.
Luci nodded and moved her arm back over her head. His gaze grew soft and lazy before he went back in, lapping and licking, gently suckling, softly nibbling, his fingers trailing on her hips, her belly, up to cup a breast and rub her nipple with his thumb. All easy, slow, like they had centuries.
Hap made love, but he did it fucking.
But Hap was not making love to her now.
Luci knew what it was.
He was worshiping.
She felt it in every stroke of his tongue, every trace of his fingers.
It wasn’t restful, it was reverent.
He didn’t want her to touch him because he wanted this to be that.
Adulation.
Exaltation.
Luci fell into it. Cocking her elbows toward the ceiling to clutch at the comforter with her fingers, she offered her body, her sex, to his ministrations, giving him the only thing he wanted in return—her noises, her writhing, her whimpers and pants.
“Amore,” she breathed, so close, feeling the burn like a banked fire, spread for him, smoldering.
He came to his knees between her legs and she opened her eyes, finding it difficult to focus on him.
But she did and he was pulling his wallet out of his pocket.
“Just you, bello, please,” she begged.
“Shh, baby,” he shushed. “Lift your knees high and wide, stay open for me.”
Luci did as asked, feeling the thrill of doing that for him instead of disappointment he’d pulled out a condom and put the packet between his teeth. His eyes on her darkening now with hunger, the condom dropping into his open palm as he bit his lip when he yanked his jeans to his thighs and his hard, thick cock sprang free.
She whimpered.
He tore open the packet.
“You’re so goddamn beautiful,” he growled.
“I need you inside me.”
Done rolling the condom on, he wrapped his hand around his cock and bent to her, catching the back of her knee in the biceps of his other arm and planting his hand in the bed.
This did not make her happy. It kept him away from her.
“Closer, caro,” she whispered.
She felt him as he fed himself to her.
“Closer, caro, please,” she whimpered.
Slowly, he slid inside.
Her eyes closed, her neck arched and her hand came up blindly to find him. It did, clamping at the side of his neck.
“Back over your head, Luci.”
She righted her head and opened her eyes to look at him. “Happy.”