Who else? The man I loved. “You.”
Something passed his eyes. “Only me?”
“Only you.”
My world shattered around me when he kissed me whilst f**king me into paradise. Somehow, amidst all the f**king, I realized too late that we had shifted from f**king and were already making love. What took me aback was how Callum treated me. He kissed me like a man in love. So I let my imagination run riot with my heart. Even for a day, I could live in an imaginary world without it hurting me.
~S~
Unfortunately the lunch date had to be cancelled.
What came out of Callum’s mouth next shook my world. I knew, right then and there, that nothing was going to be the same again.
“My father is dead,” he said without any emotions. “I think I killed the blasted f**ker.” Callum was so detached that I was starting to wonder if he was making it up.
“Oh, Cal, I’m sorry. Aren’t you going to see him or something?” I went towards him and gave him a comforting hug. I knew most people would touch the body, say their goodbyes before it was taken away.
He somehow looked lost for a moment before he finally nodded as if understanding what he had to do. “I have to go. Zara called and she was hysterical.”
His Zara? I nervously pressed my lips together. Our time was done. With his father dead and Zara’s intent on getting Callum back, I had no chance with him. “Do you need me to go with you?” I offered, knowing that this was difficult for him.
“No. I think it’s best I do it alone.” The immediate withdrawal from Callum was felt. He couldn’t even look me in the eye.
So I stood back and watched as he got ready to leave. When he was done, he stood there, contemplating if he was to kiss me or not. “I have to get going.” Callum finally moved and managed to kiss my forehead.
“Be safe.”
He nodded before walking out of the bedroom, looking somber and in good need of a hug. He looked so lost and I wanted to badly be there with him, but he didn’t want me there.
For the rest of the afternoon and evening, I kept my phone next to me while working through my projects just in case he decided to call or text. When dinnertime came and I hadn’t heard from him, I tried to convince myself that he was all right. Besides, Zara was there, so technically, I wasn’t all that needed.
I fixed myself a sandwich to eat before taking a long bath. It was almost ten o’clock when I slid into bed. I was in and out of consciousness most of the time because I wanted to be awake when Callum came back.
He finally came around right about midnight, bringing a surprise present for me.
What he had brought with him nailed my future.
I was half sitting on the mattress when Callum decided to turn the switch on his bedside lamp. He looked disheveled and distraught. I was about to ask him if he’d had dinner when he mentioned her.
“Zara needed a place to stay. My father’s house wasn’t an option and getting a hotel room would be too lonely. I hope that’s okay with you?” He was looking at me dead-on, so I decided to look away, composing myself.
I didn’t want him to see the hurt and jealousy that was immediately etched all over my face. It wasn’t okay, but I didn’t have it in me to say it out loud and cause more burden when his father had died only this morning. “Whatever you think is best.”
“She’s in one of the guest rooms, in case you were wondering.” He raked a hand over his hair, sighing. “I’m going to shower.”
I nodded, watching him go into his closet before striding towards the bathroom naked.
Zara was in one of the bedrooms, probably plotting how to get Callum into her bed. Going back to sleep was now out of the question. I knew there was still unfinished business between the two. What I hated most was that I felt like I was the wedge in between them, breaking them apart; even more so now that his father was dead. If I weren’t here, Zara would probably be on this very same spot, sharing the bed with Callum.
He was already going through so much; I didn’t need him worrying about what to do with me. I suppose the best thing to do was to be the first one to slowly walk away, so that he didn’t have to do anything. I didn’t need for him to feel sorry for me. No, that would be the last thing I wanted.
Truth be told, this entanglement with Callum was for practical reasons. I did get what I wanted to begin with, didn’t I? Falling for him was just an unforeseen mishap on my part. So maybe now it was time for me to start dating again and hopefully find the guy for me, someone to love me the way Callum loved his Zara.
I pretended sleep when he joined me ten minutes later. I waited until I heard his breathing evened until rolling to my other side, wanting to stare at him for a bit, like saying my farewell, but I was surprised when I found him staring at the ceiling, clearly deep in thought and very much troubled.
“Are you okay?” I reached out to touch his arm, gently stroking it. I fought the urge to curl up next to his heat and smell him for the last time. It wouldn’t be wise to do that because I might end up crying and confess that I was in love with him. He did warn me not to fall for him, but I hadn’t taken him seriously. The joke was on me.
Callum’s voice broke through my reverie, sounding hollowed and bitter. “It’s funny how I never pictured him dying. What do I do with all this anger and hatred I harbored through the years?”
I wished I had the power to erase all of the pain his heart was going through, but it wasn’t my place to do so. Instead, I had to respond rationally. “You let it go. It’s not healthy to have all this hate in you. It’ll only end up poisoning you. I don’t want you to end up like him. You’re way better than that. The man is dead, Cal.”
“Lucky bastard,” he muttered. “Just when I was about to pull everything out from under him, he f**king dies.”
I placed my hand over his chest for the last time. “Let all the hate go. Maybe then… you’ll have enough space to let love in again.”
Callum didn’t respond. Instead, he let out an agonizing sigh.
Drawing my hand away from him, I curled it against my chest while continuing to face him. “What’s going to happen to Zara?”
Callum sighed again.
I was a masochist because I kept pestering for more information. “Are you going back to her?”
He remained silent.
When he sighed for the third time, he followed it with his answer. “I honestly don’t know how to answer that.”