"Tell me everything. I need to know."
"Honey, it's in the past, and in my opinion, that bullshit can stay there. Don't do this."
I knew she was trying to protect me, but I needed to fill in the huge blank spots in my memory. I needed to begin to figure out why my mind was keeping me in the dark about so much time.
"Jordan, I need to know what my mind's keeping from me. What happened to make me say I wanted to die?"
"You told him you loved him. For the first time, you actually weren't afraid to take that leap. You remember what you were like when we first started school, right? You were always beautiful and sweet, but you never had the guts to go out on a limb and tell someone you loved them. It was probably because of how you lost your mother. And Cal knew that. He knew how much it meant that you were finally able to open up and say you loved him. And what did he do with that gift? He ripped it to shreds."
I did remember being afraid to tell boyfriends how I felt about them. While every other girl in high school had been dying to tell their boyfriends they loved them, I dreaded it. It terrified me. They might leave and then where would I be? I'd never told Cal I loved him.
At least I didn't remember telling him. Now Jordan was saying that the only time she knew of me saying I love you to anyone other than Tristan had ended in disaster. My stomach felt like it was twisting into knots.
She wrapped her arms around me. "Honey, don't get down about it. Cal was an asshole. He didn't deserve you. He deserved the girl who used him and threw him away three months later."
I pushed her away and shook my head. "I need to know what happened. What did he do?"
"Don't do this. It's not going to make anything better."
"Jordan, this is part of my life I don't remember. I have to know."
Sighing heavily, she nodded. "He'd been cheating on you the whole time. We went out for a drink because you were so happy that you'd finally told him how you felt and we saw him with some cheap blonde. It was terrible. You confronted him all in tears, and she was more than happy to tell you how long they'd been seeing each other. He tried to deny it, but it was no use. The proof was standing there in front of you basically throwing it in your face."
God, had I never had any luck with men? Cal had been the one man I'd remembered in all this as a decent person, and now that was all wrong too.
Jordan smoothed my hair away from my face. Her expression was so sad. "You never meant that you wanted to die, honey. That was just something you said because you were feeling down. I know how it feels. It hurts like hell when you care about someone and they betray you. We've all been through it, and sometimes when we're feeling our worst, we say things we don't mean."
"I don't want to die, Jordan. Even when I've felt like I was totally lost these past few weeks, I never wanted to end it."
"I think Tristan's a big part of that, Nina. He's a good man. And I swear to you on a stack of Bibles that he's crazy about you."
"I know. There's no need to sell him to me. I can see it."
She looked away from me and said quietly, "I'm worried you won't give him a chance now."
"Why?"
Turning to face me, she knitted her brows in concern. "Because of what I told you. I don't want you to think you're just unlucky with men."
It was as if Jordan was reading my mind. The only happy memory I'd had concerning the opposite sex, other than Tristan, was Cal. Now that he had turned out to be just like every other male I'd ever been with that I could remember, all I could think of was that I was jinxed in the realm of love.
"Me unlucky? Look at my life. No worries about luck there," I said with as much bravado I could muster, not even convincing myself. I forced a smile as I looked at my cell phone for the time. "I guess it's time to go."
"Okay, honey. Okay."
I knew Jordan didn't believe me, but like the best friend she was, she didn't say a thing. She knew talking about it wasn't going to help now. "Tristan and I would like you and Justin to join us for New Year's. We'll be at the penthouse and it would mean so much to me if we could all hang out."
The darkness that had covered her features lifted and her genuine smile lit up the room. "That would be great! If his penthouse is anything like that suite he put me up in, it'll be incredible."
I couldn't help but grin. Tristan's penthouse was stunning, and I couldn't wait to show it off to Jordan. Just the view was going to blow her away.
"He'll have his cooks make some late night dinner for us and we'll watch the new year come in high above the city. How does ten o'clock sound?"
"I can't wait! It'll be fun!" she squealed as she enveloped me in a bear hug. As she held me, I felt her grow serious. In my ear, she said quietly, "Take care of yourself. I want you to remember something. I don't know if you know what I always say, but it's true. Good things happen to good people, and you're the best, so that means great things are in store for you."
Releasing me, she smiled. "Now promise me you won't forget that."
"Not unless I have another head injury," I joked.
Jordan screwed her face into a frown. "Not funny. Now you go have an incredible Christmas and I'll see you at the top of the world at ten on New Year's Eve."
"I'll be there in sparkles and bangles."
Chapter Nine
Nina
I couldn't help but think about everything Jordan had told me as the Town Car rolled over the highway on my way back home. By the time Jensen got me back to Tristan's house, my mind was filled with doubts about love. Why had Cal betrayed me like that? We'd been so close. Or at least I'd thought we'd been. Would I ever feel the same love I'd obviously felt for Tristan before? Or was that a remnant of my forgotten past I'd never have the chance to enjoy again?
God, everything was so confusing! I felt like everywhere I turned were those funhouse mirrors that distorted people and I kept seeing myself in them—stretched out and wavy in one, flattened in another. Now Cal had to be added to the distortion.
But not Jordan or Tristan. Neither one of them ever veered away from what they'd said to me that first time I saw them in the hospital. I was lucky to have two people who cared about me. I knew that.
I put away my new clothes and flopped back onto my bed. As I lay there, I couldn't help but wonder why the memory of Cal was all I could think about.
Listen to what Jordan said and don't be stupid, Nina. You have a great guy here who tells you he loves you all the time and means it. Leave Cal where he belongs. In the past.