“Hey, Dad. I just wanted to let you know that I can’t come in today. I’m just not feeling well.” This wasn’t a lie at all and I hoped he heard it in my voice, and didn’t figure out what caused it.
“Oh, Rory. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, just need another day. Will you let everyone know?”
“Of course, of course. You never take a day off and I always worry that you’re going to burn out before you’re old enough to burn out. You take some time and we’ll take care of everything here.”
“Thanks, Dad. Love you.”
“Love you, too.” He hung up and I saw that I had about twenty texts and missed calls from Lucah. How had none of us heard my phone? I scrolled through the messages and then it came back to me.
Oh . . . SHIT.
JE-SUS CHRIST.
I had told Lucah I loved him. Also that I wanted to have his ginger babies. I TOLD HIM THAT I LOVED HIM.
My stomach finally woke all the way up and I had to run to the bathroom. I wasn’t sure if it was the wine or the unintended declaration that made me puke, but I ended up in the bathroom for the next hour, with Sloane and Marisol taking turns holding my hair and bringing me water.
I told him that I loved him.
Fuck.
“Are you feeling any better?” Sloane tiptoed into my room in the late morning. She was better off than I was, but she’d decided to take the day off and take care of me. I didn’t know which was worse: the hangover or the fact that I’d accidentally told Lucah I loved him when I was drunk.
“No. The only way I’m going to feel better is if you find a time machine and can take me back to last night and tell me not to drink. That would be fantastic. Thanks.” She sat down on the edge of my bed and held out a cup of lemon ginger tea.
“I’ll get right on that, babe.” I took the tea from her and sipped it. The ginger would be soothing on my stomach. I really didn’t want anything in my body right at the moment, but I drank it anyway.
“Why didn’t you stop me?” I squinted at her and she looked fantastic, as usual. She had the kind of hair that worked curly or straight and her large curls from yesterday were still intact.
“Hey, you were on a roll. And it was bound to come out eventually. They have that quote about the truth being in wine for a reason. Now that it’s out, you can talk about it and deal with it and then realize that you’re both idiots and you belong together.”
“How do you know that we belong together?”
“The same reason I know how to make a flan just by reading a recipe once. Pure instinct.” She did have good instincts, but I was still humiliated.
“You just gotta decide what’s more important. And I’m guessing that forty years down the line, you’re not going to regret that you chose love over your job.” She patted my foot and left me with my tea and my thoughts.
When I finally felt a little bit better, I found my phone and stared at it. I needed to call Lucah and explain myself. He’d been texting me all day asking if I was okay. He didn’t mention the love thing because he was great like that.
He was so concerned about me even when he had a ton of crap to deal with and that only made me love him more. It really was like a sickness and it multiplied the more I thought about it and the more I thought about him.
Finally I took a deep breath and called him. I knew he’d be on lunch so he’d be free to talk.
“Hello, Mr. Blaine,” I said, sitting back on my pillows.
“Hello, Miss Clarke. How are you feeling this afternoon?” His voice was soft, and I could hear him walking away from some other voices. He must be out getting food.
“A little worse for wear. How are you?” His voice instantly made me happy, even though I felt shitty. Yup. That’s love.
“I’m just concerned about you.”
“Yeah, same here. How’s everything with your brother?” I didn’t want to talk about me. And because he was such an awesome guy, he talked about his brother and how he was trying to get him a lease on an apartment and also his failed attempts to get Ryder a job.
“He’s not really qualified to do anything. He never finished college, just started a bunch of times and never got all the way through. He’s one of those people who knows how to do a bunch of things, but not enough to get a job. I don’t know what to do with him.”
I couldn’t imagine what that must be like, but even though I didn’t have any siblings, I had friends and that is similar. Luckily, my friends had most of their shit together.
“We have a few positions open at Clarke. I mean it’s nothing glamorous. The mail room, billing. If he wants to come in for an interview, I could set it up. Just a thought.”
“Thanks, Sunshine, but I don’t want to put you in that position. Plus, I don’t think Ryder would last a day in an office. He’d probably end up jumping out the window and taking off. Trust me, he’s done it before.”
“He jumped out a window?”
“Yeah. It was on the first floor, but still.” There had been days when I wanted to go out the window, but since my office was so far up, I would end up dying and I wasn’t that desperate.
“So am I ever going to get to meet this elusive brother?”
“I don’t think so. Not right now. Maybe sometime. He’s just . . . a lot to take.” Had he met Sloane?
“I think I can handle it, but it’s up to you.”
“Thanks. Now, have we talked about enough other things that we can go back to the drunken phone call I received from you last night?” Crap. Fuck. Hell, crap, f**k, Jesus.
“What phone call?”
“Nice try, Sunshine, but I know you remember and I know you don’t want to discuss it; but since you said it, I feel the need to say something too.” He took a deep breath and I cut him off.
“I was drunk. You don’t have to say anything. I . . . I didn’t mean to say it like that. I didn’t want to say it, but there it is. I wish I could go back and unsay it, but I can’t, so there it is. But I don’t know if I’m ready to say it sober yet. Which doesn’t make any sense.” I was rambling again and I wasn’t even drunk. I waited for him to say something.
“I love you, and I’m completely sober and I’ve wanted to say it for a while now, but I didn’t know if you’d say it back.”
It shouldn’t come as a shock to me when he said those three words, but hearing them in his voice was a whole different thing than I thought it would be.