Words failed her. She picked up her sandwich and took a bite as he began talking again. Jennifer had known there would come a point when she’d need to start living. So much time had passed already. It was unfair of her to constantly mourn. She needed to take her mother’s advice and move on.
“Yes, you were, but I wasn’t much better.” She took a bite of her sandwich enjoying the first real taste of food she’d had in a long time.
“What?” he asked.
“We could have worked around everything. You didn’t have to be an insensitive jerk, and I could have taken things slower. I was excited about our future together, and I wanted everything to be perfect.”
He reached across the table and took hold of her hand. “We both fucked up.”
Jennifer took a bite of her sandwich as she thought about her next words to say. “I don’t want you to hate me.”
“I can’t hate you, Jennifer.”
“After I lost the baby, part of me was a little glad about it.” The tears she’d been holding back finally poured from her eyes. She wiped them away with the back of her hand. There were so many people in the shop. She’d hate for them to look at her and wonder what was wrong. Patrick tightened his hold on her hand. “I hate myself for being glad.”
“We weren’t ready. I don’t hate you. Far from it, I wasn’t joking or lying when I said I love you. I really do love you. I’d do anything for you.”
She wiped the tears and then looked at him. “Can we go somewhere else?” she asked. Jennifer needed the privacy away from prying eyes. Patrick paid the bill, and together they walked out of the coffee shop. She walked down the sea front and moved under the pier in the shade. Wrapping her fingers around the post she stared out at the ocean. The wet murky sand discoloured her shoes where she stood.
Patrick wrapped his arms around her stomach, pulling her in close against him.
“We could stay here,” he said.
“What?”
“We don’t have to return to the city. I’d be happy to spend the rest of my days here with you. You’re my everything, Jennifer.”
“How can you be so sure?”
He turned her to face him. Taking her hand he pressed her palm over his heart. “I feel it in here. The last few months have been the worst days of my life. Being away from you is torture to me.”
“We can’t just move here,” she said.
His arm banded around her waist. “Why not? You’re working in a coffee shop, and I bet your parents would disapprove of that. You already live here.”
“I’m staying with Linda in her parents’ beach house.”
“We can have our own beach house, Jennifer. Please, give us a chance again.”
“Why do you think this time will be different from last time?” she asked.
He sighed. The action made the hair on the top of her head move.
“We’re not being pressured into doing anything. This will be about us.”
She closed her eyes and rested her head against his chest.
“I’m not ready to move in with you. I’m going to stay with Linda.”
“Then we’ll date without all the other crap.”
Jennifer nodded her head. He walked her back to the coffee shop.
“I don’t want you to date me here, Patrick.”
“I’ll date you anywhere. Just give me a time and a place.”
“Linda has been talking about going back to the city. We can see each other there. I think it will be better that way. I want the beach to remain as a vacation spot. I’ve been here too long. I need to go and face the music.”
Jennifer glanced around at the beautiful ocean and the busy town streets. The longer she stayed here the easier it was for her to hide away. Staring at Patrick made her want to live again.
He left her at the coffee shop.
Later that night she told Linda her thoughts. Her friend had already packed to go back to the city. Taking a huge leap of faith, Jennifer packed her bags ready to leave. The guy at the coffee shop had been sad to see her go, but with the tourist season at its height there were more than enough people to take her job.
****
Patrick followed behind their car up the motorway and back to the city. He took a deep breath as his nerves started to pick up. The beach and the ocean had taken them both away from what was waiting for them at the city. In the city he’d have to battle memories as well as battling their parents.
He ran a hand over his face and watched the car in front. Jennifer kept turning around in her seat. His woman couldn’t drive to save her life. While she’d been away he’d learned everything there was to know about her.
She liked hot chocolate with a touch of mint in the winter. When summer came she loved an iced cold glass of orange juice. She hated peas and gardening. Insects scared her while dogs and cats were her weakness.
His biggest weakness was the woman travelling in front.
Jennifer had taken him by surprise. He’d never fuck up again. There was no way he’d cause her pain. He’d done his fair share of it in the short time they’d known each other.
He left them at their apartment as he drove back to his home.
Patrick called her parents to let them know she’d returned and to advise them to give her space.
The days that followed were crucial. He noticed she never asked to go to his home. Patrick gave Jennifer as much space as possible for her to grow accustomed to his presence. Sometimes the press took pictures of them together, and they asked about their future plans.
She didn’t withdraw from him. They were working through their problems, and for once he felt like they were becoming a real couple.
While Jennifer helped Linda with her novel he went and purchased a dog from the pound. Actually, he purchased two dogs from the pound. They were mongrels, but he fell in love with them from the first time he looked at them. He went through his home changing artwork and adapting his living space.
Every night he looked in at the nursery. One day he hoped to fill it with their children. He could only hope.
Chapter Thirteen
Several weeks later
Jennifer stared at Patrick across the dining room table. They were having dinner with her parents. The conversation was veering more towards business than pleasure. She smiled at him as he pushed more prawns onto her plate. Whenever he was able he found a reason to feed her more food.
Slowly, her curves were coming back, which she was grateful for. She was starting to feel more like herself with every passing day. Her feelings for Patrick were growing. The love she thought had died had in fact still been there. She smiled at him, feeling happier than she’d felt in months.