It was just him and me.
As it had always been and always would be.
“Welcome, everyone, to the joining of Tess Olivia Snow and Quincy Mercer II. I will say thank you on behalf of the bride and groom for travelling to this sun-blessed country and gracing your good fortune to ensure this marriage is full of richness, happiness, and love.”
The celebrant lowered his voice. “I can either give you vows to repeat after me—or if you prefer, you can dedicate your own vows to each other. Either will be binding and sanctified by me.”
My stomach leapt into my mouth. Vows! What with the whirlwind crescent moon and Q’s torture, I hadn’t had time to write heartfelt promises or pledges. My eyes flared wide. I’ve ruined it before it’s begun. I should’ve known. I should’ve planned.
“I’d like to say our own,” Q murmured. “However, I want you to go first, Tess.” Authority rang in his voice; the room swam with panic.
I clutched his fingers. “Q, I can’t. I don’t know what to say. I have so much—so much that I want to get right. I’m…” My eyes searched his. “I’m unprepared. I don’t want to say something wron—”
“You’re overthinking it. Just—”
“But what if I say something terrible? I’ve never been to a wedding or know what needs to be sworn. I’ll screw up. Our marriage will be a sham.” My spine tickled with tears, the damn corset squeezed my ribs like a vice.
Q cupped my cheek, bringing me closer in a rustle of silk. His mouth rested on my ear, granting me strength. “I’m just as nervous as you are.” Guiding my hand, he placed it over his heart. The rapidly thudding muscle, that’d been through so much, thrummed beneath my fingers in a rugged tattoo. “See. I’m terrified. But I want to know what’s in your heart. Dare, Tess. I dare you to tell me everything.”
Having his life-force beat beneath my fingertips tempered my panic. I laughed quietly. “You’re daring me to say things I have no idea how to articulate.” I had no idea what the correct etiquette was. What was forbidden to discuss—what was permitted. “I don’t know what to say, Q.”
He pressed a whisper-soft kiss on my ear. “Just say what’s in your soul. That’s all I’m going to do. Nothing you feel can be wrong, esclave. Trust it.”
I sucked in a gulp of air, dragging his incredible aftershave into my lungs. Thoughts raced through my head. The truth—that’s where the horror lay.
Memoires swarmed thick and fast.
“I’d kill for you, Tess. I have killed for you.” The day in Q’s office—the morning I was stolen.
“Ah, esclave, this wasn’t supposed to happen.” The evening he’d found me raped by Lefebvre.
“There is pain in intimacy. Let me make your pain my pleasure.” The shower where he replaced himself with the horrible incident.
“You’ll do this or I’ll kill you—do you understand?” The day he forced me to hurt him—all in the name of bringing me back.
I thought about his temper. His violence. His ruthlessness.
I thought about his compassion. His love for birds. His selfless acts of saving women.
So many things to say. So many things that would be forever treasured.
Speak from your heart.
I wouldn’t bow to censorship. I would share our unconventional history. Q made me into the woman I was but I’d also turned him into the man he’d become. Our past formed us and it would be forever a part of us.
My courage was faint, but I straightened my shoulders. “I love you.”
Q smiled, holding my hand. I took a deep breath, throwing myself into the truth, spilling my heart—painting our life with promises. “All my life, I never truly existed. I struggled to know what I was meant for. I followed a path I didn’t understand.” I swallowed. “I was lonely. I never felt the pinprick of heartache, or the warmth of a hug. But then I was captured and sold.”
Q turned to stone, his fingers latching hard around mine.
“The day I was taken, my life ended. I thought I would die. I wanted to die. But then I was sold to a master who changed my world completely.”
Q stopped breathing.
“This new master confused me, hurt me, but ultimately taught me what I was missing all along. I was missing him. He was the hole in my heart—he was my other half. I was no longer lonely, or searching for something I didn’t understand. My grey world became prismatic, and I valued every lesson he taught.”
My heart stuttered. No matter the happiness of being sold to Q, my trials hadn’t ended there.
“But life decided I wasn’t worthy—not yet.” I closed my eyes, fighting back the ghosts of Rio. “I endured a price I didn’t know I could pay, but once again I learned something. The right love—soul-mate love—is priceless.
“My master came for me—proving once again I never had to be afraid or alone but in return I shut him out, hurting him worse than anyone.” My heart cracked for how heartless I’d been. “I shut myself off, unable to trust anymore—trust a life that gave so much but took away more in return. But now I know why. I learned my final lesson.
“Life taught me an eternal love will demand the worst sacrifices. A transcendent love will split your soul, cleaving you into pieces. A love this strong doesn’t grant you sweetness—it grants you pain. And in that pain is the greatest pleasure of all.”
I met Q’s eyes. His lips were pressed into a fine line, containing the smouldering emotion in is gaze. He burned with everything he felt, barely containing it. The connection between us was thick and heavy and I wanted to be alone. I wanted to kiss him. Love him. Worship him.
“Q, I’m not just yours for this lifetime. I’m yours forever. I will follow you through unhappiness, confusion, and hardship. I will bask beside you in success, fortune, and laughter. I will obey you because I trust you. I will push you because I believe in you. I will fight with you because that is where our passion lives. And I will make love to you the way our demons demand.
“My blood is yours.
“My breath is yours.
“And I swear to you when this life is over, I will wait for you to join me. I will travel with you through galaxies and solar-systems to be yours once again. Because a love like this isn’t replicable. You’ve ruined me. Devastated me. Destroyed me by choosing me as your wife.”
A single tear rolled down my cheek. I said my final vow, “Je suis à toi. Je suis ton monstre dans le noir pour toujours.” I’m yours. I’m your monster in the dark forever.