“I’m going to take a shower,” Nick said as he threw the last spare pillow on the bed. “You want anything from downstairs first?”
Kelly’s breath quickened, and he blurted it out before he could think twice. “Why Ty?”
Nick stopped short and cocked his head as if he hadn’t heard right. “What?”
“When you came out to me, you told me you’d been in love with Ty,” Kelly explained. He held his breath, telling himself the answer would probably make his wound throb again and he didn’t really want to know. “Why Ty?”
Nick blushed and lowered his head, chewing on his lip. He shrugged. “He was . . . like this big shining beacon. For a long time I was a little in love with the idea of him. The idea of that kind of loyalty and trust for the rest of your life, you know? I think it was mostly just being young and wanting to believe in something. You know Ty. He was easy to believe in.”
Kelly nodded. “Are you still in love with him?”
Nick was already shaking his head. He came around the other side of the bed and sat, leaning against the headboard so Kelly couldn’t see his face without twisting. “We went through too much. Nothing romantic about it. And the night I kissed him, the night I told you about everything, there was nothing there. We would have worked if we’d wanted to, I guess, if we’d never found anything else. But . . .” He shrugged and shook his head.
Kelly turned to try to see Nick’s face. “So there’s nothing left there?”
“Nah. It’s kind of a relief. Life changes what love means, you know? What I felt about Ty, it was a different kind of love.”
“Have you found something else?” Kelly asked carefully, surprised by how nervous the question made him.
Nick looked at him oddly. “I don’t know. Why are you asking me these things? This isn’t some sort of post-gunshot meltdown, is it, ’cause I’m not built to handle those.”
Kelly began to snicker, holding his chest so it wouldn’t hurt. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
“If it is, we’ll call Owen; he’s good at the meltdown stuff.”
“I’m not having a meltdown,” Kelly assured him. “Are you seeing anyone?”
Nick was silent, sitting there and looking confused for a few seconds before answering. “Sort of. We haven’t had a date or anything, but we’re . . . actually, I’m not sure what we are.”
The indecisive answer bolstered Kelly’s courage and relieved him, which was an odd sensation. “Hey, Irish?”
Nick turned to him, the beginnings of a smile on his face.
“Will you kiss me?”
The smile faded into wide-eyed shock. Nick’s eyes were so green he almost looked like a cartoon. Kelly began to laugh. He had to hold his hand over his wound, but he couldn’t stop laughing. He reached out to put his other hand on Nick’s arm. “I’m sorry I’m laughing,” he wheezed. “It’s the drugs, I swear.”
Nick snorted and gently peeled Kelly’s fingers off his forearm. “From now on you only get halves,” he mumbled. He slid off the bed, beginning to chuckle.
“Wait!”
Nick turned, trying to look annoyed but still laughing. Kelly schooled his features, frowning dramatically. “I’m serious,” he managed to say.
“Yeah, you look it,” Nick drawled.
“I want you to kiss me.”
Nick examined him, seeming dubious.
“I want to know what it feels like to kiss a guy. And you’ve had a lot of practice, so I know you’re a good kisser.”
“Are you simultaneously complimenting me and calling me a whore?”
“I’m . . . I’m just impressed you can take half a Percocet and say simul . . . simultaneous.”
Nick sighed heavily, fighting back his smile. He came around the end of the bed and sat next to Kelly’s hip, turning to hover over him. “Okay.”
Kelly was surprised when his stomach flipped, but he liked the feeling. “Okay what?”
“Okay. If you want me to kiss you, I will.”
“Really?”
Nick nodded. “But only if you can sit up on your own, and then pass a field sobriety test.”
Kelly rolled his eyes and snorted. “You’re such a dick.”
“I’ll give you that too if you want it,” Nick said, laughing as he pushed off the bed and headed for the loft steps.
Kelly watched him, trying to decide if the flip in his stomach was excitement or nerves. “Hey!”
Nick stopped at the head of the staircase and turned again, ever patient.
“I’m serious,” Kelly said.
Nick’s eyes narrowed, and he remained there for a few moments before he moved slowly back to the bed. “You really want me to kiss you?”
“Yes.”
“So you’ll know what it feels like to kiss a guy.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Well you and Ty both seem to enjoy it. What’s good for you is good for me, right?”
“That’s a horrible reason.”
“Really?”
Nick sat down again, close enough that the mattress dipped and Kelly slid toward him. They stared at each other for a few seconds, Kelly holding his breath as Nick thought it through. He was curious, because he knew locking lips with another dude had to be different from kissing a woman, and he was by nature an inquisitive person. He was open to trying just about anything once, and he’d always kind of been on the fence about it. But he was also wondering what it would be like to kiss Nick, and that had nothing to do with the painkillers or his innate desire to try new things.
“Okay,” Nick said quietly. He adjusted the way he was sitting, propping one hand on Kelly’s other side as he leaned over him.
Kelly held up a finger. “No half-assed middle school kissing, either.”
“Okay.”
“I want the whole deal.”
“This is starting to feel like I’m leasing a car or something.”
“I’m serious, I want the Irish special.”
Nick rolled his eyes and glanced up at the ceiling. “Fine. Jesus.”
Kelly nodded, his lips twitching on a smile and his chest fluttering. They stared at each other as Nick leaned over him, and it was harder for Kelly to catch his breath as he waited for Nick to make his move. He licked his lips.
Nick finally laughed. “Close your eyes.”
“Why?”