“You’re welcome.” Nick leaned against the railing, crossing his arms. “You want to try a walk?”
Kelly groaned, but he nodded. He was supposed to walk every day. “Might as well get it over with.”
“I’ll grab you some shoes.”
He jogged back inside, leaving Kelly to ponder the homemade back scratcher. Nick wasn’t the type of guy who needed to be moving or doing something. He didn’t need to have something to do with his hands all the time. He could easily relax in a deck chair and lose himself in his thoughts for hours, or sit and read a book, or just chill under the stars. He hadn’t been out here making this to keep himself busy while Kelly napped.
When Kelly looked up again, Nick was standing in the doorway watching him. “I can try again if it won’t work.”
“No, it’s good.”
“We’ll find you a cane too,” Nick added, smirking.
“Unless it has a sword in it, I don’t want a cane.”
Nick snickered, coming closer with Kelly’s boots. He patted the top of his head as he knelt at Kelly’s feet. “Hold on.”
Kelly’s breath caught. He rested his hand on Nick’s head to keep his balance and peered down at Nick as he slid one foot into the boot Nick was holding for him. They got both boots on, and Nick was tying them up for him before Kelly realized he still had his hand in Nick’s hair. He drew his fingers through the growing curls.
Nick glanced up at him as he pulled the first bow tight. He smiled knowingly when Kelly didn’t loosen his hold on his hair, then ducked his head and tied the second boot. Kelly had always thought Nick a handsome man, in the same way he appreciated the beauty of a spring day or the sunrise on a misty morning. He’d never equated that appreciation with sex or desire, though, so the stirring in his groin when he remembered Nick’s body against his, or when Nick knelt in front of him, was completely new.
He narrowed his eyes. When Nick stood, he mirrored Kelly’s expression and leaned against the railing. They stared at one another as birds chirped and the wind rustled the leaves above them.
“I’m so confused right now,” Kelly admitted.
“I know,” Nick said, his voice soft and somehow comforting. “Me too.”
“What do we do? Go for it? Pretend it didn’t happen? Talk it out?”
“I remember my first time,” Nick said, shaking his head. “You’ll have to talk about it. You will. And I’m the only one here.”
“So we talk it out.”
Nick nodded.
“Have you ever wanted to f**k me before?” Kelly demanded.
Nick took a deep breath and let it out slowly, gazing up at the sky. He shook his head. “No.”
“Do you want to now?”
Nick cocked his head and scrutinized Kelly. Kelly grew considerably warmer as he watched Nick’s eyes. Nick began to smile. His voice was lower and full of gravel when he answered. “Definitely.”
Kelly swallowed hard and flushed. “Likewise.”
The mischievous smile Nick responded with only made Kelly want to squirm. Goddamn, why had he never noticed how sexy Nick was when he grinned like that?
Nick licked his lips to wipe the smirk away and looked down at his hands. “So, you’re wondering why.”
“Yes.”
“Does it matter?” Nick asked neutrally.
Kelly held his breath, considering. “Yes?”
“Okay.”
Kelly smiled. Of course Nick would just accept it and proceed to try to find a solution. That was the way Nick was. That was the way they both were, to an extent, which often led to a distinct absence of gnashing of teeth and wailing between them when problems arose.
Nick gripped the railing with both hands. “Part of the excitement of attraction is knowing it’s reciprocated, right?”
Kelly nodded. “We found out last night that we, um . . .”
“Reciprocate,” Nick provided. They both grinned, meeting each other’s eyes. The warmth and excitement of new attraction were bolstered by years of history. Years of camaraderie. Years of comfort. It was something entirely new, and it was something that just felt right.
Kelly inhaled sharply as the realization hit him. “This would be so easy.”
Nick bit his lip, not responding. Instead he reached out and ran his fingers over Kelly’s wrist.
“God, O, this would be so easy,” Kelly said more emphatically. He moved carefully and leaned on the railing beside Nick. “You and me? Just . . . can you imagine?”
Nick gave that a low whistle and nodded. He raised his head, the smile gone. “I can imagine. I’m trying not to, though.”
“Why?”
“A few weeks ago you almost died,” Nick said, his voice gone rough. “Your view of the world has shifted.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I’ve almost died a couple times, Kels. I remember what it’s like to . . . to realize you’re still here when you shouldn’t be.”
Kelly swallowed hard and nodded. He remembered the weeks of desperate searching when Ty and Nick had gone missing. He remembered how it had felt, trying to accept that they were gone and he’d never been able to say good-bye, to tell them what they both meant to him. He’d written letters to their families. They’d never been mailed, thank God, but he’d still sobbed while writing them.
He remembered the day he’d seen a transport truck roll into camp with Ty and Nick laid out in the back, thinking they were dead. He and Owen had climbed into that truck faster than the lieutenant had been able to order them away. Kelly’d found the pulse at Nick’s neck and wanted to throw up with relief.
His stomach lurched and he turned his hand over to grasp Nick’s fingers. Nick squeezed Kelly’s hand as if he knew what he was thinking, what he was recalling.
“Before last night, you’d never even considered kissing another man, much less whatever’s in your head now,” Nick continued.
“That’s not entirely true. I’d thought about it. Just never seriously. Or while sober.”
“Still. You’re in uncharted territory. It would be easy. Us.”
Kelly looked up.
“Just sex is one thing. I think we could manage that and not lose each other. But talking about anything else right now would be . . .”
“Crazy?” Kelly asked.
Nick smiled.
“You’re right.”
“I know,” Nick said with a grin.