“It’s okay,” I said, reaching out for him, desperate to make him feel better.
“I can’t do this to Dana.”
My eyes filled with tears. “You’re not doing anything wrong. I know you loved her, but Dana’s not here.”
“But Bryce is.”
His words sliced through me like an axe. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, but I was.
“We’re going all the way to Shallot again,” he said. “I’ve got an early morning and a long day, and when we get back, Skeeter wants to dig ditches around the perimeter. I need to rest.”
I nodded, stepping backward a few times before finally opening the door. It would have been just my luck to run into someone, maybe even Bryce, as I retreated into the living room with wet cheeks. When I walked in, I was alone. Nathan and Zoe had more than likely heard us go outside, and probably heard us yelling. Everyone probably heard us yelling.
I wiped my eyes quickly, and took a few steps toward the laundry room. I could hear Scarlet’s whisper in my mind. I wouldn’t. If she were still married to Andrew and stuck in this house with him and Nathan, maybe she would.
I lost my nerve, and then crept back into my bedroom, took one look at Bryce sleeping on my side of the bed, and sat in the chair in the corner. He usually fell asleep fairly quickly after his head hit the pillow, so he did that when he was waiting for me to come to bed, knowing he would wake up when I pulled the covers back to crawl in to my side. I wasn’t sure if I’d stayed with him so long because I loved him, or if I just didn’t have a good enough reason to ask for an ending. Either way, I was crawling in bed with the man who loved me, wishing he was the man I loved.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Nathan
“Need more water?” Miranda called.
I poked my head over the edge. “Sure,” I said. It was hard to guess on top of the roof, but I was willing to bet the temperature was easily over 100 degrees.
Miranda climbed the ladder with another large glass, taking my nearly empty one.
“You know what I miss?” I said. “Ice.”
Miranda smiled. “Oh my God. I do, too. But I’m sure we’ll get some this winter, and then we won’t miss it so much.”
I laughed. “You’re probably right.”
Miranda climbed back down, and I squinted from the glare. Scarlet and the others had been clearing for three days, and I hoped they would be back soon. I’d seen a pillar of smoke earlier that morning in that direction, and I hoped it wasn’t some sort of signal from them that they needed help. I didn’t bother telling Miranda. We couldn’t risk taking the girls, and it was too dangerous for one of us to go alone, anyway.
I ate lunch on the roof, and then climbed down, waiting to make sure Miranda got situated up top before I went inside. Elleny was tidying up after lunch, and Zoe was coloring on the few nubs left of her crayons. I hoped that if Scarlet had time to stop at the store in Shallot, she would think to pick up Zoe some more—if they had any—and then I laughed at how oddly normal that thought was.
“Nathan! I see them!” Miranda yelled. Her voice was muffled, so I wanted to be sure I heard her right.
“You see them?” I said, stepping out onto the porch. She didn’t answer, so I crawled up the ladder. She was looking through her scope, her lip quivering.
“What is it? What do you see?” Miranda looked at me then, her eyes red and threatening to fill with tears.
After they got a little closer, I squinted in their direction “Don’t panic,” I said, realizing what had her so upset. “It might not be what you think.”
I turned, watching the group cut across the yard. I crawled down the ladder, with Miranda right behind me, and met Scarlet just in front of the porch. It was obvious the news wasn’t good.
“I’m sorry,” she said, looking to Miranda. “I’m so sorry.”
Miranda’s hands shook as she covered her mouth. “No.”
“We were pinned down. He was going to lead them away, but he never came back.”
Miranda sucked in a breath. Elleny and Zoe came outside. Elleny hugged Scarlet tightly, and Zoe hugged Skeeter.
“Are you sure? Did you look for him?” I asked.
Skeeter nodded, his eyes sad. “I found him. I put him down.”
Miranda fell on her knees and wailed, covering her face. Ashley came outside wide-eyed, and kneeled beside her sister. “Are you okay?” she asked. She looked up at us. “Where’s Joey?”
Bryce stared down at Miranda, blank-faced. “He didn’t make it.”
Miranda leaned forward and screamed, unable to conceal her pain. Ashley held her, glancing up at Bryce. He was tearing up, watching his girlfriend mourn Joey the way Ashley had mourned Cooper. Finally, it became too much, and he went into the house.
Skeeter looked over to me with a frown. “Am I the only one confused as hell?”
“Yes,” I said, not knowing what else to say.
“Maybe it wasn’t him,” Miranda sniffed. Her eyes brightened with hope.
“It was him,” Scarlet said. “I’m so sorry. This is my fault.”
Miranda’s face hardened, and she stood, pushing Ashley away. “You’re goddamn right this is your fault. Everyone here thinks I’m the selfish bitch, but you take the cake, Scarlet! You got him killed! And for what? Your dead kids?”
“Miranda, that’s enough!” I growled. My tone surprised even me.
Miranda sucked air in through her noise. Ashley reached for her again. “Get off me!” she cried, exhaling in tiny sobs. “Get off me.” She climbed the ladder to the roof, crying alone.
Scarlet swallowed and looked up at me from beneath her brow. “Is she right?”
“No,” I said simply, taking her into my arms. I kissed her hair, unsure of what else to say.
Scarlet
None of us were in the mood to eat, so I just made the girls a peanut butter sandwich and called it good. I sat on the couch, drinking water, trying to forget the way Joey looked before Skeeter put a bullet in his forehead.
He hadn’t told Miranda the whole truth. Joey did lead the teds away from the safe house, and he didn’t come back, but when we went looking for him at first light, I was the one who had found him. I just couldn’t pull the trigger. Joey was stumbling toward me, his neck and arms chewed in parts to the bone. I knew it was my fault that he was dead, and I couldn’t be the one responsible for his death a second time. Skeeter held me with one arm while he put Joey down.
I took another sip, and then went out to the porch to wait. I could hear Miranda on the roof. Even though I knew I was the last person she wanted to see, I decided to join her.
“Hey,” I said when I reached the top rung.
Miranda didn’t even bother to respond, she just laughed once, incredulous.
I sat down a few feet from her. We didn’t speak; I just wanted to wait where I could see farther down the road. After about ten minutes, the sky turned, marking the beginning of sunset.
“You’re doing this so I can see that you still think they’re alive. So Joey didn’t die for nothing.”
“No, I’m just waiting for my girls.”
“You have two inside.”
I sighed. “I have two more inside, yes.”
“You know what? It doesn’t matter whether you think they’re alive or not. Their lives are no more important than Joey’s, or Bryce’s, or Skeeter’s . . . or Nathan’s.”