“We shouldn’t be long.” That at least sounds reassuring.
“I’m in no hurry to get rid of this sweet angel.” Avery strokes her index finger down his forehead and slope of his nose. He closes his eyes when she repeats the motion and he doesn’t open them again. It’s like some kind of newborn magic sleep trick.
I can’t help but overhear the conversation between Chansey and Avery as we leave. “Anna Grace usually throws a fit to eat about fifteen minutes before James Grady decides he’s ready. I guess she thinks ladies should go first but he always decides he’s starving about halfway through her feeding. I haven’t managed to master nursing them at the same time.”
Too much information. I didn’t want to think about one–much less two–kids nursing on Chansey at the same time. I’m a vampire. That kind of mundane stuff is more than I want to know.
We’re walking toward my office and I push the breastfeeding conversation aside as I try to decide how I’ll handle Curry’s questions. I should have already considered this conversation and decided on something to say but I chose to not think about it because I don’t want to answer the tough questions he has for me.
“I’m glad Avery is here. It’s good for Chansey to have another woman in the house.”
He doesn’t say it but Curry doesn’t mean just any woman. He means another human woman. “I know Chansey loves Gia and Lairah but I’m sure it means a lot to her to have a human in her life so she isn’t surrounded by vampires all the time.”
I take my seat behind my desk and rearrange papers. I try to appear carefree as I shuffle one paper with another but I know why we’ve come to my office. He wants to ask me about what I said in the hospital. “I want to protect Avery for me … because I love her.” I said those words during a moment of weakness. And it was a screw up on my part. Now I have to fix this problem I created for myself.
I open my desk drawer and pretend to search for something. “When did you get home from the hospital?”
“A couple of hours ago.”
Maybe I should try to keep him talking about his family. “It’s a relief to have them home safely.”
“You wouldn’t believe the weight that has been lifted from my shoulders in knowing Marsala can never harm my family again.”
I’m happy Chansey and the twins are safe but I’m instantly pissed off again. I struggle to hide my anger because it threatens to blow what I’m working so hard to conceal. “I can only imagine.”
“That’s sort of why I’m here. I need to ask you about something you said that night. Something about Avery.”
This is the part where I play dumb and pretend I don’t know what he means. “What about Avery?”
Curry narrows his eyes at me while he wrinkles his brow. I think he’s suspects I’m about to try to deceive him. “You told me you loved her and I’m confused about what that means.”
He’s being a straight shooter on this so a new action plan is required–play down what I said. “It means nothing at all.” I shrug.
He’s no longer relaxed in the chair. He’s sitting on the edge and staring straight into my eyes. “Your face didn’t look like it was nothing to you that night and it damn sure doesn’t look like it means nothing to you now either.”
He knows me well and I have to do a better job of hiding my emotions from him. “It’s true. I have become protective of Avery but only because of the time she’s spent here. I’ve come to think of her as a sister the same way I do the other girls. I meant nothing by what I said.”
“That’s not the way it sounded to me. You’ve never spoke of loving Gia or Lairah.”
“And I won’t,” I laugh. “I’d never hear the end of it from that pair of smartass extraordinaires if they ever heard me say I loved them.”
“You know you can tell me if you’re having side effects from drinking Avery’s blood?” It’s a question–not a statement.
I’ve always been able to tell Curry anything–but not this time. No one can ever know how I feel about Avery. “Yeah, I know.”
“You’re my best friend. You can tell me anything–anything at all–and I won’t judge you or tell the others. Not even Sebastian if it was what you wanted.” We’ve always shared a bond that didn’t include the others and this is Curry reminding me of that.
It’s tempting to tell him because I feel so alone in this–whatever this is. I want to tell him what’s been going on in my head but I’m terrified. How do I explain the feelings I have for Avery when I don’t understand them myself?
“Chansey and the babies are out of harm’s way now. Their safety was the only thing holding me here.”
He interrupts me. “Don’t say you’re leaving Savannah.” He’s picked up on where this conversation is going.
“I can’t stay.” I can predict what he’s going to say but I won’t hear of it. “And I won’t have Avery leave this compound. She feels safe here and that’s something she deserves after everything she’s been through.”
“And what about you? Don’t you deserve to head up the compound you built?”
This is a repeat of the same conversation we had months ago when I was going to leave and the compound is still the least of my worries. “I don’t care about all of this. I can build another compound if I want.”
“When are you going to stop punishing yourself for something you couldn’t control?”
Let him think that is what’s going on here. It’s easier that way. “Leaving will be my atonement for what I did. This is me giving her some form of peace.”
“I don’t think you’re looking to give peace. I think you’re looking to find some.”
Maybe he’s a little more receptive than I imagined but I’ll roll with it. “Am I a terrible person for wanting distance from Avery because I don’t want to look at her every day and be reminded of what I did?”
He looks angry. “I never took you for a coward.”
I should be the angry one since he’s calling me a coward but I’m not. I sort of fall into the category. “Call me what you like but I’m still leaving. Sebastian and I have discussed it and we decided I’ll make the announcement tonight at dinner because we’ll need a new leader to step up.”