Abram’s spoiled. He’s privy to knowing everything about everyone within The Fellowship. Until me. He must feel very threatened by that.
A threatened animal is dangerous. I probably shouldn’t rattle his cage. But I will anyway. “Wouldn’t you love to know my motives?”
“Listen, little lass. I’ve been in this family fifty-three years. You’ve been here five minutes. It’s a mistake to think you’ll best me. You won’t win.”
I grin as I laugh. He isn’t getting under my skin. “I love Sinclair and he loves me. That’s all you need to know.”
“Your mother did the same thing with Thane as what you’re doing with Sinclair now.”
I shake my head. “You still believe I’m Amanda Lawrence’s daughter.”
“My dear Stella Bleu Lawrence … I could tell you all the details you want to know about your mother’s death. I know everything. Who. Why.”
He’s bluffing. If he knew anything, he’d have told Thane years ago. He wouldn’t suddenly decide to give up the goods to a woman he doesn’t know. It’s a trap to make me admit I’m Amanda Lawrence’s daughter. But it won’t work.
“I would think you’d have already shared those details with your brother if you knew anything.” I grin, calling his bluff.
Sin returns and we both go silent.
“Ready.”
My husband comes to me and cradles me in his arms. “You know the routine.”
“I know. Don’t expect you before morning.”
He kisses me quickly. Nothing like what he’d give me if Abram weren’t here.
“Come back to me safely.”
“Always.”
He moves his mouth over my ear. “Be naked and waiting for me.”
Sin has a new obsession. He wants sex, the frisky kind, when he comes home from being out on business. He’s a beast. I’m not sure what’s brought it on but I like it.
“Naked, wet, and wanting. That’s how you’ll find me when you return.”
“Perfect.”
* * *
I wake to the sound of the shower running. Odd. Sin always bathes after coming home from tending to Fellowship business but never before telling me he’s back safe and sound.
“Sin?”
No response.
I get out of bed and go to the bathroom. “You didn’t wake me when you came in. Everything okay?”
“Yes.” It’s peculiar to hear him use that word. I’m accustomed to hearing “aye.”
“You sure?”
He doesn’t reply.
I peer around the corner of our walk-in shower. Sin’s hands are pressed against the tile wall. The cascade of water hits his shoulder and runs down his back. My eyes immediately go to an angry red laceration over the left side of his lower back. It’s been freshly sutured.
I’ll never get used to seeing my beloved wounded. I hate it. “I see Jamie had to stitch you up. What happened?”
He’s unmoving, staring at the floor. “Go back to bed, Bonny. I’ll be there in a minute.”
He doesn’t give me the answer I want but he’s acting peculiar. I think pushing him is the wrong thing to do. “Do you need anything?”
“No.”
I return to bed and wait. It’s at least thirty minutes before he slides in next to me. “Is everything okay?”
“Depends on who you ask.”
“I’m asking my husband.”
“I killed someone tonight.” His tone is devoid of emotion.
Sin has killed before. This isn’t news. “This time was different?”
“He was a boy,” he growls. “The Order had no business bringing a boy so young in on a raid.”
“How young?”
“Eighteen. Maybe nineteen. I don’t know but too young to die.”
He needs to talk about this. “How’d it happen?”
“He came at me from behind with a knife. I couldn’t see him. I only felt the burn of the blade in my back.” He punches his fist into the mattress.
“You shot him before you realized how young he was?”
“Aye. I would’ve roughed him up and sent him crying to his mum if I’d realized.”
“Baby. You didn’t know.”
“That doesn’t change the way I feel.”
It sucks. I know from experience. “I understand every emotion you’re experiencing right now. A strung-out, seventeen-year-old kid took shots at me during an undercover sting. He had every intention of killing me so he could steal the meth I had. It turned into kill or be killed, and I had no choice. He died in my arms before the ambulance arrived.”
“Tell me how to deal with this because I don’t have a fucking clue.”
“A shit ton of therapy. But it was my dad who got me through it. He’d been in my shoes so he understood the guilt associated with taking a young life. He reminded me often that I didn’t choose to kill that kid. I was forced. Just like you.” I move closer and put my head against Sin’s chest. “And I’m going to get you through this. Expect to hear over and over that this wasn’t your fault.”
“This gets so much worse, Bonny. The boy was Jason Grieve, the only son of Torrence Grieve, the leader of The Order.”
I don’t need to be fluent in Fellowship affairs to know The Order will see this as an act of war. “That means they’ll retaliate?”
“Hard. It’s only a matter of time.”
“What are the brothers saying?”
“They’re thrilled I killed The Order’s only potential replacement leader. They’re treating me like a fucking hero. But I in no way feel like a victor.” I hear his pain in the break of his voice.
This is shattering Sin. And it’s breaking my heart to watch.
Isobel told me there would be times like this. She said Sin would lose his way and he’d need me to act as his light in the darkness. So that’s what I’ll do. I’ll be whatever my husband needs.
“I love you.” I swaddle Sin with my body and kiss his forehead. I melt against him, becoming a tangible form of comfort wrapping around him in the darkness. “Let’s just lie like this and forget the world for as long as it’ll allow us.”
And that’s what we do. Lie silently until sleep claims us both.
* * *
It’s been a week since Sin killed Grieve’s son. They’ve not yet retaliated. But we know it’s coming and we’re prepared.