My heart beat in my chest as I looked up at Donovan. I didn’t want to ask him what I was about to ask. I couldn’t have him confirm it, but I just had to know. Maybe Donovan wouldn’t even know.
“Have you seen Grant?”
Donovan looked uncomfortable for a minute. “Uh…yeah, I saw him.”
“Do you know where he is?” Hope sparked in me.
“I’m sorry, Ari.”
And he did look sorry. Shit.
“What are you sorry about?”
“I saw him leave.”
“Oh,” I whispered. “Are you sure?”
“When I was out with him last night, he told me that you guys broke up.”
“We…wait, he said that?”
I was not going to get upset about this again. I’d thought that we were just on a break, but he must have assumed it was an official breakup…that we’d talk about getting back together when I came home. I’d never given him any indication otherwise.
“Yeah, he did.” Donovan’s hand dropped onto my shoulder, and he looked at me sympathetically. “Just so you know…I think he’s crazy.” His other hand came up and pushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “If I had a girl as beautiful as you, I’d never let you out of my sight, seventeenth-century antiquated ideals or not.”
I stepped away from his touch, and my back hit the door. “Thanks for your concern. I’m sure you have hundreds of girls much more beautiful than me throwing themselves at you.”
“None as beautiful as you who are turning me down.”
“I bet you don’t have any others doing that.”
Donovan shrugged. He knew that I was right. “Why don’t you forget McDermott tonight? Stay for my show. Haven’t you ever wanted to see a Drift show from the side of the stage? We could hang out after. We’d have a good time.”
For some reason, I had a feeling that his definition of a good time and my definition of a good time weren’t the same thing. And the only person I wanted to be with was Grant. Even if he was off with someone else tonight, I still wanted him.
“Appreciate the offer, but—”
My words were cut off when Donovan bent down and brushed his lips against mine. Fire alarms went off in my mind. This was wrong. This wasn’t Grant. Even if Grant was with someone else, I didn’t want to kiss someone that he knew. I didn’t want to be around people who were associated with Grant. I needed to get out and get out now.
I pushed against the door I was leaning on and opened it into the cold. Donovan stumbled through it with me, breaking our kiss. His green eyes were fierce.
“I appreciate the offer, but no, I’m not interested,” I said, my voice hard.
“You’re wasting your time on Grant.”
“If I’m wasting it on a man who loves me, then I’d obviously be wasting my time with someone who doesn’t.”
And with that, I shoved past him, back inside, back through the crowd of girls, and out into the arena. I texted Cheyenne to let her know that I was getting a cab back to the airport. She seemed frantic, but there was nothing else she could do at this point. I just wanted to be back in Boston.
The clock chimed midnight soon after the plane touched down. I waited anxiously for a text message from Grant, like I’d gotten over Christmas, but it never came. I hadn’t wanted to believe he was with someone else, but somehow, his silence convinced me more than anything else ever could. When I got home, I crawled into bed, determined to forget Grant McDermott.
Chapter 45: Grant
I typed out ten messages to Ari but deleted them all.
She didn’t want to hear from me on New Year’s. She hadn’t wanted to hear from me on Christmas. She hadn’t wanted to hear from me every day before that. I should just give up and let her move on with her life, but I couldn’t.
I’d been onstage, singing the song I’d written for her, when it just hit me how f**ked-up all of this was. I was in love with her. I’d said as much onstage, but the lyrics had just driven it home. I was in love with Aribel Graham, and she wanted nothing to do with me.
After I’d finished the song, I’d stormed offstage, unable to continue. I was over it. I’d just wanted to be alone.
But no, even then, I couldn’t get what I’d wanted. Hollis had stopped me at the exit, wondering what the f**k I was doing. We weren’t signed with Pacific, and I was ruining my chances of ever getting picked up with them.
That was fine with me. If we got picked up, who knew when I’d get to see Ari anyway? Didn’t seem like a fair trade to me.
Hollis obviously hadn’t seen it that way. He couldn’t understand how I felt about Ari. He never would. He talked about girls the way I had before Ari. I might be a total f**king ass**le, but Ari came first. If by some f**king miracle I could salvage this with her, then I was going to do everything I could to make sure that was a possibility.
I’d had it out with Hollis backstage, and then I’d gotten into my truck and driven straight home. The drive had taken f**king forever since everyone and their mother was out in New York City for New Year’s, but I hadn’t cared. I’d just needed to get out of there. I’d needed to think, and I couldn’t do it surrounded by thousands of people.
Being all alone, holed up in my house, didn’t seem to help much either. I just wanted Ari here with me. I wanted to get a New Year’s kiss I’d remember. But if Ari didn’t want me around, I wasn’t sure how much more of my antics would change her mind. If it came down to that, I’d have to resign myself to move on.
Hollis hadn’t been the only one pissed that I’d walked out of the show. The guys had returned from the city early afternoon on New Year’s Day, and they had promptly gone about ignoring my existence every time I tried to talk to them. I’d f**king wanted to be alone to think, and now, they were giving me all the space I needed.
I wandered into the garage, and everyone seemed to have calmed down by the time regular band rehearsal was supposed to start. They were seated on the couches. McAvoy had his laptop open. He was the tech-savvy one of the bunch, and we generally just left him alone when he got in the zone. Miller looked up when I walked in, but Vin didn’t even spare me a glance. He must really be pissed.
I took a seat next to McAvoy. I decided to take a direct approach. “Sorry about last night.”
“What the f**k happened?” Vin asked. He looked like he’d doped up on steroids this morning, and he was even more of a loose cannon. “You just f**king left us out there. We had three more songs to go, and you ditched us! What the f**king f**k kind of band member ditches his band onstage with no motherfucking warning?”