His eyes meet mine, a wariness in them. “Yes.”
“Right.” I step back.
“Was that the wrong suggestion?” He scratches his cheek. “Because you don’t look so happy with the idea.”
The wrong suggestion? Not happy with the idea? You could say that.
And I do. “No, I’m not happy with the idea.”
“Right…” His fingers lift to his forehead, and he presses them against his skin. A second later, he drops his hand, and his gaze hits mine. “So, what’s changed?”
I frown at him. “What do you mean, what’s changed?” My voice is rising.
And he’s getting annoyed.
I can see from the telltale line between his brow and the darkening of his eyes.
“I mean, you were happy to be my fuck buddy for the tour and up to last night, but now, suddenly, you’re not. So, I’m wondering, what’s changed between you climbing out of my bed this morning to now?”
“About sixty seconds ago, I realized I’m in love with you. That’s what’s changed.”
And there it is. My absolute fucking inability to filter anything that comes out of my mouth.
I watch his face reverberate with shock. That shock quickly transforms to absolute horror.
My hope for anything beyond sex with Tom burns away into ashes and blows away in the gentle breeze.
He shakes his head. “You don’t love me.”
My eyes fill with tears. I can’t stop them any more than I can stop the fact that I love him.
Pride hurting like a bitch, I bite out, “So, you’re telling me what I feel now? I thought your commands stayed in the bedroom.”
His eyes snap up to mine. He’s angry, the angriest I have ever seen him.
“You have no fucking right telling me you love me!” he roars.
His voice is so harsh that it startles me, forcing me back a step.
“We were just fucking! Fuck buddies. Nothing more. You agreed. Love was never supposed to come into it.” He drags his hands through his hair.
His features are tight. My heart is breaking.
“I-I…this wasn’t something I planned on.” My voice is small. “I didn’t mean to…fall…” I grip the helmet tight to my chest like it’s a life raft. I desperately need something to cling on to.
Tom lets out a careless laugh that strikes me like a hand across the face.
“What did you think was gonna happen when you told me you love me? Did you think I’d tell you I felt the same? That we’d ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after? I’m not that guy, and you fucking know it. I don’t do love. Never have, and I’m not about to start now. I am interested though—at what point did I give you the impression that I might?” His voice is getting harsher with each passing word. “Was it when I was fucking you up the ass? Or maybe when I fucked you under that stage? Or was it when I had you down on your knees while I fucked your mouth—”
“Stop it,” I gasp, each of his words feeling like a blow to the chest.
It’s painful enough to know he doesn’t feel the same about me. But to know the thought of me loving him makes him this angry…hurts beyond words.
Tears are running down my face. I press the leather sleeve against my cheek, trying to dry them, but all that happens is I get a lungful of Tom. It ignites my pain further.
“You never gave me any indication that you felt the same,” I whisper, my voice broken. “It was all me. My mistake.”
I turn to leave, but Tom grabs my arm, keeping me there. He’s clearly not done with inflicting his rage on me.
“This whole thing was a mistake.” He runs his free hand through his hair, tugging on the strands. “Fuck! I never should have started this with you.”
A mistake. If he’d hit me, it would have hurt less.
“Get off me!” I cry, trying to pull my arm free.
Having Tom touch me right now is like pouring salt in my bleeding wound.
But he doesn’t let go. It’s like he doesn’t even feel me right now.
“I never should have let this happen.” His eyes are on the pavement, his head shaking. It’s almost as if he’s not even talking to me in this moment. “I should have known this would happen…especially with a girl like you.”
A girl like me.
If I needed anything to bring me back, it was that.
I force strength into my weak body. There might still be tears on my face, but I make sure my expression is one of total anger.
“You’ve made your point.” I hold my voice steady. “I get it. You don’t care about me. I’m hearing that loud and clear. Now, let me go.”
I see what I think is a flicker of emotion in his eyes. Or maybe it’s that stupid shred of hope I’m desperately holding on to that sees it. The hope that’s willing him to tell me he doesn’t mean any of this. That he feels the same for me as I do for him.
He drops my arm, his eyes scarily hard. “The sooner I’m out of here, the fucking better.” He pulls his helmet off the handlebar. “You and me, we end here. Are we clear?”
And that hope gets trampled under his words.
I armor myself against him. “Crystal. Don’t worry. After today, you won’t ever have to see me again.” I start to walk away.
But I’m not done. Not just yet.
I turn and stare at Tom, not recognizing the person before me. The Tom I got to know these past six weeks never would have been this cruel or hurt me this badly. The Tom I spent time with, falling in love with…
Or maybe that’s just it—I never really knew Tom at all.
And that possibility hurts more than everything else.
Curling my fingers into my palm, I take a deep breath. “I wish you’d never stepped foot on that tour bus. I wish I’d never let you anywhere near me—let alone, in my heart.” A tear falls down my cheek. I wipe it away. “You never deserved any part of me that I gave to you. You’re a mut of the worst kind, Tom Carter.”
His eyes lift to mine. I see what I think is a trace of hurt in them, but it’s gone so quick that I could have imagined it.
“That’s exactly what I am. It’s good you finally remembered. Now, you can take your declaration of love and tell it to someone who wants it.”
I suck in a painful breath.
My soul and whatever was left of my heart shatters to pieces.
He lifts his helmet to his head but pauses. His eyes move to mine, his gaze pinning me there.