I guess I could stay.
But really, I can’t. This isn’t the life for me. There’s no place for me here. Not yet; anyway. Maybe eventually. Someday. But not now.
A little voice in my head says I’m forgetting one thing that could be causing this feeling, one person.
Marissa. Maybe leaving her is what’s making me so miserable.
I grit my teeth.
If that’s the case, then I’m on the right track. Leaving is the best thing I can do for her. Get away from her, leave her alone. And there’s nothing else I can do to help Dad or Cash with what’s about to happen. I’ve done all I can do. I’ve served my purpose. And I’m getting Mom some justice. I should be on cloud nine.
It’s just a little more of a hollow victory than I thought it would be. Than it would’ve been before I met her.
Marissa.
I push her out of my mind for the thousandth time as I pull into Cash’s garage. This is my last stop before I head back to the coast.
I’m heading there as a favor to Dmitry. He asked that I do something for him in return for his testimony. It sounds like a small price to pay for his help in getting justice for Mom and freeing Dad, so of course I agreed. But first I get to deliver some good news to my brother. Finally.
Even though I’d say Cash heard the garage door, I knock before entering. No sense in starting things off on the wrong foot because I see him and his girlfriend in a compromising position.
He answers quickly. Fully clothed.
The first thing I do is hand him the keys to his car. He frowns as he takes them.
“Thanks for the loaner. I won’t need it anymore, though.”
“You getting your own ride?”
“Nah. I’m heading out today.”
As perverse as it sounds, it pleases me that he looks a little dismayed. “What? Just like that?”
I nod. “Just like that.”
“So no justice for Mom, then? That was all just bullshit? You’re just gonna go back to that hellhole of a life you’ve been living?”
“Oh, there will be justice for Mom, but my part is done. The rest is up to you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I know my smile is smug. “I’m bringing you your racketeering case, wrapped up all nice and neat. All it needs is a bow.”
If an expression can be equated with someone holding their breath in anticipation, Cash’s is. “What?” I smile even wider at his question. It’s little more than a reverent whisper.
“In exchange for his life, Duffy has agreed to testify.” Cash starts to speak, and I’m sure I know what he’s going to say, so I hold up my hand to stop him. “He was also much more agreeable once he realized that all three top men in this cell of the Bratva would be gone and the new person in charge will be . . . friendly to us.” I can see that eases Cash’s mind a bit. “He’ll testify to contract killing. For immunity, of course. He’ll go into witness protection afterward, just in case Slava has reach from prison. But I still think the new leadership will squash a lot of his influence. Anyway, Dmitry, the man I’ve spent the last seven years getting to know and who knows Dad, has agreed to testify against the guy in charge of smuggling. It should be considered an act of terror since the people Bratva sells to are enemies of the United States. Dmitry also knows the number four guy, the one who should step up to take charge. Thinks he can get his cooperation in all this for a chance at being top dog. I tend to agree. Dmitry can be very persuasive.”
“How the hell—”
“You don’t need to know the details. Leave the unsavory parts to me.”
“Nash, I—”
“I know. I know.”
“No, I don’t think you do. I never wanted your life. I never wanted this. And to know what you’ve had to do, how you’ve had to live . . .”
I can see the pain and regret on his face. And I believe him. We both got thrust into this against our will. We did the best we could with only the minimal guidance of our father to go on. Makes me see the wisdom in what Dad just told me. Letting all this go would be a good thing all the way around. And we will. After.
“The past is the past. Let’s leave it where it belongs and move on.”
I can tell he has more to say, wants to make sure I understand. I reach out and clap my hand on his shoulder. I nod as I look into his eyes.
So much of our family’s communication over the last years has had to be unspoken. We’ve had to believe in each other, to trust each other, even when it didn’t seem like the smart thing to do. We had to believe in the unseen, hope in the unlikely.
Now, standing right here in front of him, I know Cash can see that I understand, and that it’s all in the past.
Finally, he nods, too. Yes, he knows.
“The only thing you have to do is get the case together and keep Dad safe for his part of the testimony. Money laundering and cooked books ought to be the nail in the coffin for Slava and his boys. They’re all three involved in different aspects, but all three were knowledgeable about the entire show. Each person’s testimony will show that.”
After a few seconds of digesting what I’ve said, Cash laughs. It’s a lighthearted laugh, a pleased, nearly gleeful one. “Holy shit! You did it!”
I get the feeling he wants to let out a whoop. And that makes me smile again, too.
“I just did my part. The rest is up to you and whoever else needs to be a part of this to make sure it goes off without a hitch. You’re the legal eagle. I’ll leave that stuff to you.”
“Does Marissa know? She’s got contacts that could be very helpful.”
“No, I didn’t tell her. I’ll let you do that. You two can get a plan going. I’ve got some things I need to take care of.”
Leaving now, when things are looking so good, feels more like exile than it did seven years ago. I feel like I’m leaving happiness behind, rather than fighting for it in the future.
“I wish you could stay.”
“I do, too, but I just . . . I can’t.”
Cash nods. “Will you be back? Ever?”
“Yeah. Someday. I hope.”
“At least say you’ll come back the day they let Dad go. That’ll be a good day.”
I can imagine it, and I know that it will. “I think I can manage that.”
I feel relieved at the prospect of coming back, at the hope of it.
“And don’t forget your promise to me,” he reminds.