They bring Dad out shackled and cuffed, like the violent criminal they think he is. He looks older than he did a few days ago. I know that’s not possible, but that’s how it seems. I wonder if asking us to give up on getting some justice and freeing him from prison is taking its toll.
Obviously he doesn’t know me very well, I think. Or else he’d have known that I’d never give up. Not until my dying breath. He’d know that I’ll see the bastards responsible for wrecking our lives pay. If it’s the last thing I do.
Even as I think about my lifelong mission, the fire is a little more muted than it has been in the past. I guess something other than hatred and revenge has finally taken up some of the space in the vacuum Mom’s death left inside me.
Dad sits down in front of me and picks up the phone. I do the same.
Finally, he smiles. “It’s still so good to see you. I just can’t get over how much you’ve changed.”
“Not all of it has been for the better, Dad.”
Even though it’s impossible through the glass between us, I can almost feel his sigh, like a heavy breath settling down around me.
“You’re strong, son. You always were. Stronger than you knew, even. You’ll overcome this. I know it.”
I nod. “For the first time in a long time, I’m beginning to think I can. I guess I finally realized that there are some things more important than revenge. Even for a man like me.”
“Don’t say that like you’re some kind of monster. Deep down, you’re still the same good kid. Smart, kindhearted, driven. I think you just had a little more of your brother in you than any of us realized. And he had a little more of you than I ever gave him credit for. That just makes you both even more perfect in my eyes. The key is learning to live with all that in a balanced way.”
“Nah, that’s not the hard part. Finding someone else who can live with it, that’s the hard part.”
Dad frowns. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I shake my head, for a moment wishing I could rid it of thoughts of Marissa, but knowing that if I ever manage to do that, I’ll be a lesser person in the very next breath.
“Nothing.” Dad’s perceptive gaze makes me so uncomfortable I have to look away. “Look, the reason I came today—”
“Let me say this before you go any further. Son, whatever it is you think is so wrong with you, it’s nothing that the love of a good woman can’t fix. And if she’s good enough and strong enough and worth your love, she’ll stick right by you. Life has dealt you a shitty hand. I have dealt you a shitty hand. And I’ll never forgive myself. But don’t live out the rest of your days miserable and alone and blaming yourself for the past. You’ll end up wasting the very bright future you have ahead of you.
“Just because it doesn’t look like what it did when you were in high school doesn’t mean it’s not a future worth having. Find a new dream. Chase a different sunset. It doesn’t have to involve a degree and a suit and tie, although it can if that’s what you still want. You’re young and smart and capable. It can be anything you want it to be. The only thing you have to do to see it happen is to make peace with the past. And with yourself. Let it go and move on. That’s still the best advice I can give you. The past is like quicksand. It’ll suck you in, and you’ll die there if you’re not careful.”
“What if I don’t know how to move on? What if I don’t have a direction now?”
Or what if the direction I want to go doesn’t want me? What if I’m not good enough for her?
“Find one. It’s there. You just have to look for it.”
I don’t want to talk about moving on or think about impossible futures anymore. I came here for a reason. I need to see this through and get the hell out of here. Out of Atlanta. Off dry land.
I take a deep breath before I say what I have to say. I know Dad won’t like this tactic; it’s in Davenport blood to resist being extorted, which is essentially what I’m doing. If guilting someone into action can be considered extortion, that is.
“We’ve all made some sacrifices, Dad. I think you’ll agree with that.” My father nods. His expression is one of profound contrition. I feel bad already. “I think you’d also agree that I’ve had to do some pretty extreme things.” Again he nods. He won’t meet my eyes. “I have something to ask in return now.” He raises his gaze and narrows his eyes on me. “You’ll be getting more visits soon. I want you to promise me that you’ll do exactly what’s asked of you. That you can and you will trust me enough to just do it. Your sons are grown now. Let us handle this.”
I look long and hard into his eyes. If I could put a message in his brain, I would. But I can’t. The best I can hope for is to keep him alive in here long enough for Cash to do his thing and get stuff in order for Dad’s appeal and the trial of the mafia.
I’ve done all I can do. I’ve arranged for two of the three testimonies that could put these men away for life, and Dmitry’s taking care of getting some new leadership in the Bratva, leadership that will see to Dad’s safety and to that of my family in exchange for putting Slava and his men in prison. The rest is up to Cash. And maybe Marissa. And, of course, Dad. He has to testify or the RICO thing won’t work.
He still hasn’t said a word. He’s thinking, wondering.
So I continue. “You don’t need to understand anything yet. You just need to promise me you’ll do what’s needed. For me. For us. For all of us.” I can’t say much more. I don’t want to tip off whoever is listening. It could put Dad’s life in danger. Well, even more danger, I guess. “Prove to me that I’m all the things you think I am. Prove to me you still have faith in me. And then maybe I’ll believe it.”
That’s low. But it’s necessary.
And it’s working.
I can see it on his face.
He nods. “Okay.” A pause and a sigh. “Okay.”
* * *
I feel an ache of emptiness in the pit of my stomach that’s not usually there. Maybe it comes from getting a little time with Dad and then having to give him up and leave again. Maybe it comes from being reunited with my twin, then having to turn around and let him go. Maybe it’s just leaving in general. This was home for a lot of years.
I’m leaving. Leaving family. Again. Leaving town. Again.