As soon as he restructured the options I felt the weight of the choice pressing in around me. And, though I knew that I had to at least strongly consider each alternative, I already knew what my choice would be.
Miserably I asked, “What do I have to do?”
“It’s simple. Take your sister’s ‘life’ and I’ll let her go free. Your sister takes your life and your father and Derek go free.” Fahl smiled as he said the last. I think he knew which option I would choose, too. “Are they that important to you, Carson?”
I had to think. Was he tricking me somehow? Derek said you could never really win with Fahl, but there was so much on the line, what choice did I have?
I knew I would have to make a decision very soon, so I stalled as long as I could. “What about Leah?” Though I did want to know what was to become of her, unfortunately, she wasn’t foremost in my mind and heart.
“She’ll decide her own fate now.”
“But Grey said she’d go to hell for being a murderer.”
“That’s one possibility. But, again, it’s up to Leah.”
My mistake was in believing that either of them, Grey or Fahl, was capable of being completely truthful. Like any business dealing, there was always fine print, some hidden clause or consequence that you weren’t expecting. I knew it would serve me well to keep that in mind. I never thought I’d look at Faust as a relevant cautionary tale in my life, but...like Derek said every hell has its devil.
“What are her choices?” It always boiled down to choices, but just like Dad had reminded me in his letter, there was always another option.
“Well, if she controls herself and manages her thirst, she could make different decisions in life and end up going to heaven. Or…”
“Or what?”
“She can control herself and remain undecided.”
“Undecided?”
Fahl pursed his lips as if he was searching for the right way to explain. “Think of it this way, no space is ever empty. It is always occupied by something. Now think of a person’s heart like a space. If Leah kills then her heart darkens to…let’s call it gray. That’s the area where I like to play, where black and white meet in the shadows. Now,” he paused, obviously enjoying his lesson. “People have been known to come back around to the light after killing, but it’s not a journey for the faint of heart. But it could happen.
“On the other hand, if she continues to kill, her heart will continue to darken and it will eventually be occupied by the ruler of the natural world and hell will be her resting place. And, of course,” he said, his tone dropping as if he were glossing over the last. “If she believes in the one who died for her, then her heart will be occupied by the light. But,” he said, his animation returning. “If she remains undecided…”
“Then?”
“Then she’s fair game and Grey will have another chance to reap her. For me.”
“When will- how will I- how will all this happen?”
“You’ll know,” he said, his malevolent tone freezing me from the inside.
I thought about his words for a long time before something occurred to me. I felt selfish for even considering it, much less asking, but I had to know.
“And what about me? What will become of me?”
Fahl’s smile was pure delighted evil. “Well, that depends on what your choice is, Carson.”
In a way, I was glad he didn’t answer me too directly, with too many specifics. I didn’t want anything to falsely influence my decision. I had to have a singular focus and I couldn’t do that if I was thinking of myself at all.
“Alright,” I said gravely, instantly feeling the heavy mantle of doom as it settled on my shoulders.
“Is that a yes?” Fahl was all but salivating over my agreement.
“Yes, that’s a yes.”
As soon as the words left my tongue, Fahl’s thin lips twisted into a smile of great pleasure, so much pleasure that it made me wonder what I’d really just agreed to. But I quickly reminded myself that no price was too high for my father and Derek.
“I’ll be in touch,” he said mysteriously and then he was gone and I was alone in the woods.
I stood in the clearing for a long time. The tempest of emotion that thrashed about inside me finally died down into a strangely welcomed numbness. I felt…nothing. Maybe it was the peace that comes when the end is near. Maybe it was that I’d faced a difficult decision, made a choice and now I knew my path. Or maybe there was just too much to feel, therefore I felt nothing. Whatever the cause, I was thankful for the reprieve.
Quietly, I moved out of the clearing and picked my way through the forest toward my car. Once I looked up and thought I saw Derek watching me from the deepest shadow of a tree, but when I blinked he was gone. I couldn’t even be sure he’d really been there at all. I certainly didn’t feel any comforting presences. I just felt…alone.
********
That night, I lay on the couch, trying to go to sleep, but my mind was plagued with questions—millions of them. Strangely enough, one of the most recurring ones was about something Fahl had said earlier, about each of us being “occupied” with something.
Could it be that Dad had been right all along? I’d scoffed at Pastor Mike’s sermons for the last year and a half, and dozens of other preachers before that. Where would I be now if I’d believed?
It was that troublesome thought that ushered me into a fitful sleep. The up side was that when I finally relaxed enough to dream, I dreamed of Derek.
I was on a huge flat rock that was anchored in the side of a cliff and stretched way out over a slow-moving river. The sun was shining brightly straight over head and I was in a bikini working on my tan. I could smell the sweetness of coconut oil mingling with the crisp freshness of running water. The heat of the rock at my back and the sun on my face was like a tranquilizer, lulling me into a semi-comatose state of relaxation.
A cool fingertip on my stomach forced me to crack my eyelids the tiniest bit. It was Derek, leaning over me, a beatific smile on his face. Immediately, my insides warmed faster and hotter than my outside.
“You’re here,” I said breathlessly.
“I’m here,” he said softly, his fingertip drawing lazy circles on my belly.
“I’ve missed you.”
“And I’ve missed you.”
“Can you stay?”
“Not very long. Your dreams aren’t safe. A part of you already belongs to him.”