A sob strains against my throat. Stubbornly, I refuse to let it loose. Instead, I turn on the shower in hopes of hiding my grief in the steamy mist and then letting the drain carry it away forever.
Over an hour later, when my face is so red from hot water that tear tracks can no longer be seen, I wrap myself in a towel and march bravely into the next room for my clothes. My heart trips over itself at the renewed pain of seeing Reese sitting on the edge of my bed, his hands clasped between his knees, his eyes pleading.
“Kennedy, please,” he says. The words are simple, but it’s his voice that tells the tale. It sounds like the raw, gaping wound that now occupies the space where my heart used to be.
“There’s nothing left to say, Reese. I’m packing my stuff and staying the night in Fiji. I’ll get a flight home from there.”
He closes his eyes. “Please don’t do this. Please don’t go.”
“We both knew this was only temporary. I hate that it’s ending this way, but something would’ve happened sooner or later.”
I hope my words sound more convincing than they feel. In my heart, I had hoped this would never end, that I’d finally get my happily ever after with the man of my dreams. But I found out long ago that there are no heroes, that there’s no Superman waiting to rescue me. It’s just me and whatever happiness I can manage to dredge up for myself. Nothing more. Nothing less.
“I didn’t want it to end, Kennedy. I wanted us to be together. I still do.”
“I’m sorry, Reese. I truly am.”
I keep my expression as blank as I can as I walk past him to the closet. I tell myself that if I can just hold it together for a few more hours, I can curl up in a ball in the privacy of some tropical hotel room and give in to the urge to mourn the parts of my heart and soul that have just died.
“Kennedy please. Please don’t leave me.”
I squeeze my eyes shut against the sting of tears and I bite my lip to hold back another gut-wrenching sob that’s welled up inside me. I don’t trust myself to speak, to answer him in any way, so I don’t. I just pull out a blouse and some shorts and drop my towel to slip them on.
When I turn, the stricken look on Reese’s face stops me in my tracks.
“I’m in love with you, Kennedy. You’re what I’ve spent the last fourteen years of my life looking for. I just didn’t know it. I didn’t know that I was the man I’ve always wanted to be before I left you. And I’ve been less of a man every day since. Please don’t walk away. I’ve never begged for a single thing in my entire life, but I’m begging you. Please. Please don’t go.”
I can’t hold it in one more second. The sound is torn from me as though something vicious and awful ripped it out. “Get out, Reese. I can’t do this again. I can’t survive it. Please. Just get out.”
My knees quiver slightly before they give out on me, dumping me in the floor. I cover my face and cry mercilessly into my hands.
I feel Reese at my side before I hear him, like an inescapable gravity pulling me toward him. But I resist. I have to. I know that it’ll be a miracle if I survive this much again. I can’t let him take what’s left. I can’t.
When his arm comes around me, I jerk violently away. “Don’t touch me! Just get out.”
The warmth of his presence recedes as he stands and backs away. I hear his pause and I wait. Finally, after forever has passed and taken a few more pieces of me with it, he walks toward the door. I’m sobbing so loudly, I almost miss his soft words.
“I’ve loved you from the moment I met you. For fourteen years, I’ve loved you. And I’ll love you for a million more.”
I hear another pause before the door opens and then closes with a hushed, final click.
That’s when the pain really starts.
********
As much as I try to do on my own, being in a foreign place with zero preparation and zero information is more than I can deal with right now. Finally, I enlist Brian’s help. I call him and, thankfully, he answers right away.
“Well, hello there, Belle. Has the ball stopped long enough for you to remember us little people?” he asks in his teasing, Disney way.
“Can you come to my room?” I ask without preamble.
The line is quiet for a few seconds. His response tells me he knows the situation is dire. “I’ll be right there.”
Less than two minutes after the click of the line going dead, there’s a muted knock at my door. Hesitantly, I open it a crack, looking to confirm that it’s Brian and not Reese.
He pushes past me and closes the door behind himself. “Good God, what happened? You look like you’ve been run over by a garbage truck.”
I’m too numb to even appreciate his colorful analogy. “I need some help finding a place to stay on the island until I can get a flight home. I don’t know…I don’t know anything about Fiji, I have no money and don’t know where to find a bank that’ll help an American. Do they have taxis here? Do they have ATMs? Do they have places I can stay at the last minute? I mean…I just don’t know anything. I’m so unprepared. I…” I trail off, feeling so overwhelmed, I can’t even put my thoughts into adequate words.
“Why do you need any of those things? What happened?”
I look Brian directly in the eye for the first time. I didn’t want him to see the wreckage, but maybe seeing it will save me from having to explain it. “Things just didn’t work out.”
His eyebrows fly up. “That boy is off the market for you. What the hell is that matter with you?”
“He’s engaged,” I answer simply.
Brian’s mouth falls into a silent, round O. It’s plain to see that he didn’t know either.
When he recovers, he takes my hand in his and gives it a squeeze. “Tell me what you need. I’ll make it happen.”
I give him a watery smile and squeeze his hand back.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE - Reese
“I found her, sir,” Karesh says when I answer. Relief washes through me.
“Where is she?”
“She’s staying at a small bed and breakfast in the heart of downtown.”
“So she didn’t use the bure either.” It’s bad enough that Kennedy is leaving me, but the fact that she won’t even let me help her is tearing me up inside. I had Karesh make every conceivable arrangement for her, but she hasn’t used any of them. Not the car, not the bure, not the money that was wired to her.