“I was wrong,” she says. “But you were wrong, too.”
“Is that supposed to be an apology?”
She pauses and smiles. “No, actually. It’s not.”
“Then what are you doing here?”
“I want to be here.”
“Finally figured out what you want, huh?”
She shrugs. “Maybe I just gave myself permission to want it.”
The music switches to a booming rock song, and she squeezes her eyes shut against the noise.
“Can we go somewhere and talk?” she asks.
“About?”
“Everything.”
“Not sure I’m up to talking about everything.”
“Silas, please.”
How is it that I still can’t say no to her?
“Fine. Upstairs. We’ll find someplace quiet.”
It’s déjà vu as I follow her up the stairs, her perfect ass right at eye level, only there’s twice as many stairs here as my place.
“So, tell me again. You’re not apologizing?”
She slows her stride and glances back over her shoulder. “You, me, and sorrys don’t typically lead to fruitful conversations.”
I can’t tell if she’s serious or f**king with me. And I’m too impatient to wait until we’re in a room somewhere to find out. I stop her at the top of the stairs, my hand curled around her elbow.
“I need you to tell me straight, Dylan. You know I don’t like to talk, so what is this?”
She takes my hand off her elbow and holds it in hers.
Just then a door opens on the landing above us, a bathroom I assume, and I see Carter step out, in the middle of zipping up his jeans. He freezes for a second when he sees me, and I scowl. I don’t like everyone knowing my business. And this place is too public for whatever is about to go down. And I’m still pissed about the thing with Carter and the brownies. Every time I see his face, the anger rises back up. Dylan might not be mine anymore, but I sure as hell don’t want him anywhere near her.
Dylan stays silent until Carter squeezes his big frame past us and lumbers down the stairs. Then her hand squeezes mine, and she moves forward so that she’s one step above me, almost eye level for once.
“I could make a big speech,” she says. “I could explain how growing up in foster care, I had an idea of what the perfect life would be like, and I’ve done everything to chase that over the years, not realizing that none of it was real. I wanted a perfect home and a perfect future, and instead everything just felt empty. I could tell you all about how miserable I’ve been without you the last two weeks or how much I hate myself for ever making you feel like you wouldn’t fit in my world. But you’re not really the speech type, so I’ll just keep it simple . . . I don’t think you need fixing. And you have to fit in my world, because you are my world. And I know you’ve never really done the relationship thing, and I know I’ve screwed this all up so badly, and I’m sorry—”
“Shut up.”
“But—”
I kiss her.
I kiss her, and her breath mixes with mine as she gasps into my mouth, and I sink my fingers into her hair. And as always with her, I just want to take and take and take, but this time I want her to do the same.
I want to give her what she gives me. I want her to feel perfect. I want her to have the good life and the good home and everything she could ever want.
She wraps hers arms around my neck, and together we stumble up the last few steps to the second floor, laughing through the missteps because neither of us is willing to stop kissing long enough to climb four measly steps.
When we get on level floor, I grip her h*ps and pick her up. She wraps her legs around my waist, and I lock her in close to my body, and open the door to the bathroom. I slam the thing shut and pin her back against the door. It’s dark inside, and I reach out a hand to search for the light switch because all I can think about is that night in the bathroom at my place, and how badly I need to see her fall apart again. I lower my mouth to her neck, tasting and sucking and Jesus . . . how did I go two weeks without this?
“God, I missed you. So much, baby.”
I finally find the light switch and flip it on.
“Silas.” Her hands tug back on my hair, and I nip her collarbone in response.
But then her hands slide out of my hair, down to my shoulders, and she pushes, pushes me back.
“Oh my God, Silas. Stop.”
I do as she says, even though I feel like my bones will break if I make even the slightest move away from her. I loosen my hold on her hips, and she slides down out of my arms.
A mess of emotions I can’t even identify begins to swarm in my chest, then she darts around me, and it takes a second for me to hear what she’s saying over the roaring in my ears.
“Stella? Stella!”
I spin, and it takes me a moment to focus, to let my world expand past Dylan and the way she makes me feel. But I can’t make sense of anything because we’re not in a bathroom like I assumed, but a bedroom. And if Dylan asking me to stop was a shock to my system, this just turns everything off, shuts everything down.
My eyes go to the bed, and I take in information, but it’s all disjointed, fragmented, confused.
Bare, skinny legs. That’s what I register first. A pair of underwear around one ankle. The pieces come slow, too slow—displaced clothes, smudged makeup, closed eyes. I do my damnedest not to zone out and see the big picture because that’s not something I ever want to associate with the girl lying in that bed.
That girl is vibrant and friendly and . . . f**k.
Dylan is touching Stella’s face, talking to her, but she’s passed out cold. Finally, I get my feet to move, and I cross the room and pull a blanket over her so no one else will see her like that.
Then I only think in steps.
Step one. Take care of Stella.
Step two. Find Carter.
Nothing else matters right then.
I face Dylan, place a hand on her shoulder, and say, “Don’t leave her side.” I hand her my phone and say, “Call Dallas first. Then the police.”
I turn to go, and she chokes out over short, broken breaths, “Where are you going?”
“I’ll be back.”
I don’t tell her where I’m going because she’ll only worry. But I’m positive this is the room Carter came out of when we were standing on the stairs, and I’d assumed he was fixing his jeans because this was a bathroom. My mind starts to piece together what must have happened before that, before he turned the lights out on Stella and just left her there, and I feel so goddamned angry and helpless.